A woman’s relationships with men, with work colleagues, with friends and with neighbors are built primarily on how she presents herself. Few people think about how important it is to be able to outline acceptable boundaries and be able to say “no” when there is neither the strength nor the desire to do something.
Everyone loves women who are ready to help anyone and everyone, to give their last shirt and money. Or rather, they don’t love them, but use them for their own purposes. They just don't respect me. And they don’t even appreciate it.
If, while reading this article, you recognize this very “good woman” in yourself, then immediately begin working on yourself, gradually turning into a completely uncomfortable, but so loved one.
Stop guessing other people's wishes
The desire to be good for everyone usually dates back to childhood. This is due to the fact that the little girl did not receive enough parental love. And to get it, she had to prove that she deserves this very love. She tried her best, just to be praised and caressed. Unfortunately, this childhood dislike has an extremely bad effect on both self-esteem and the attitude of an already adult woman towards others.
Growing up, a woman strives to please everyone around her at all costs. She guesses the wishes of her husband, girlfriend, children, and tries to do good for them even before she is asked to do so. But the people around us get used to good things pretty quickly. And, accordingly, they actually sit on such women’s necks.
If you notice that your life is proceeding according to a similar scenario, then from today begin to build the boundaries of what is permitted. Start fulfilling your own desires and making your dreams come true.
You can start with something banal, but so vital. Of the several apples lying on our table, take for yourself the most beautiful and juicy one. And not, as before, the most unsightly and overripe, leaving to others all the best. Start loving yourself and respecting your desires!
The evolution of film adaptations of “Cinderella”
The love story, the authorship of which is attributed either to the Brothers Grimm or to Charles Perrault, formed the basis of almost fifty films, TV series and cartoons, and its plot in various variations can rightfully be called the most filmed script of all time.
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Cinderella’s journey on the silver screen began back in the 19th century – that’s when the first movie based on the popular fairy tale was released. The five-minute short film “Cinderella,” which was released back in 1899, was shot by one of the founders of world cinema, the Frenchman Georges Méliès, and is still of interest as one of the first feature films in human history. The picture consists of twenty scenes and quite reliably conveys the essence of the fairy tale, but, due to some technical limitations, can only be understood by those who are already familiar with the plot.
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But for the Soviet audience, the first Cinderella of cinema was, of course, Yanina Zheimo, who played the main role in the film “Cinderella” by Nadezhda Kosheverova and Mikhail Shapiro. The film was shot at the Leningrad film studio “Lenfilm” in 1947 and immediately firmly entered the list of the best Soviet films, winning popular love.
Screenwriter Evgeny Schwartz practically did not change the plot of the fairy tale, adding only a few details to match the era, for example, ice cream at the ball and ironic remarks of the stepmother performed by Faina Ranevskaya, which are directly related to the organization of Soviet life. An interesting fact related to this film is that at the time of filming, the performer of the role of Cinderella, Yanina Zheimo, was 37 years old, but, using her external data and high-pitched voice, she masterfully managed to create the image of a young girl on the set.
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Cinderella was released, which can easily be called the most popular adaptation of this plot.
This is Walt Disney's first post-war full-length animated film, on which the future fate of the entire studio depended. A huge amount of both human resources and new technologies were involved in the production of the cartoon, as evidenced by the unprecedented budget of the film: $2.9 million from the middle of the last century is equivalent to modern $25.8 million. Walt Disney's expectations came true, and the film paid off in spades: after the first showing, the studio earned $4 million, and over the 64 years of its existence, the cartoon brought Disney about $85 million. By the way, it was the money earned from “Cinderella” that went to the construction of the first Disneyland in the state of California in the USA.
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After the appearance of the Disney cartoon, all the world's film studios were literally obsessed with Cinderella: over the next 30 years, about ten different films were released, the plot of which fully or partially coincided with the popular fairy tale.
But for the Russian audience, the next notable “Cinderella” appeared already in 1973, and it was a free interpretation of the fairy tale - the film “Three Nuts for Cinderella” , filmed by the GDR and Czechoslovakia. Director Vaclav Vorlicek based the film on the Northern European version of the fairy tale, which is sometimes also attributed to the Brothers Grimm - in it, Cinderella is helped not by a fairy godmother, but by a magic nut tree, which in the film turns into three magic nuts. According to the plot, Cinderella meets the Prince not once, but three times - in the form of a brave shooter, a charming stranger, and in a wedding dress, in which she rode up on a snow-white horse to the place where she tried on a glass slipper. Here is a non-trivial vision of the classics: an emancipated Cinderella who forges her happiness with her own hands.
The film “Three Nuts for Cinderella” is still the most popular film version of the famous fairy tale in some Northern European countries. In Germany and the Czech Republic, this film has traditionally been shown at Christmas for just over thirty years.
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The next version of the favorite fairy tale on the Soviet screen was the animated film Cinderella , created in 1979 by director Ivan Aksenchuk at the Soyuzmultfilm studio. Gentle, kind, this cartoon has been watched by more than one generation of Soviet and then Russian children, making it a true classic of Russian animation. And the song “At least believe it, at least check it” performed by Lyudmila Senchina makes this cartoon one of the best short musical fairy tales.
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, Cinderella '80, was released , telling the story of the fate of the talented girl Cindy, who, due to some difficulties, is forced to move with her stepmother and sisters from New York, where her father speaks a successful Italian restaurant, in Rome.
The love story begins at the airport: it is there that Cindy meets Mizio, who looks like an ordinary young man, but is in fact the crown prince of the Gherardeschi family. “Cinderella '80” from the classic fairy tale by more complex characters: Cinderella can be hot-tempered, the stepmother not only loads her stepdaughter with work, but can also help solve problems with the police. The prince is also not perfect - he can sometimes raise his voice. In general, the film once again proves that the story of Cinderella can exist in the context of real time - the European 80s, and this is precisely why the film “Cinderella '80” at one time won millions of viewers’ hearts in Europe and America.
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The film “The Story of Eternal Love” , which appeared on movie screens in 1998, is another American film adaptation of the famous fairy tale, differs from its predecessors only in a slightly more unusual interpretation and an intricate plot. Drew Barrymore in the role of Cinderella plays a girl who is completely untypical of the 16th century - a freedom-loving, smart beauty who is able to quickly find a way out of difficult situations. Therefore, it is not surprising that the role of the fairy godmother in this picture is played by... Leonardo da Vinci, because exceptional girls should have everything exceptional, and assistants in particular.
“The Story of Eternal Love” rather as a classic interpretation of “Cinderella” rather than an innovative one; there is still a certain zest in the film, but that’s what makes it interesting.
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The fairy tale about Cinderella has not lost its relevance in the 21st century; in 2004, the film “A Cinderella Story” with Hilary Duff in the title role was released. Here, only the form of the fairy tale remains, and the plot of the picture is quite modern: Cinderella Sam dreams of entering Princeton University, but in the meantime he carries out small errands for his stepmother. But everything changes when she meets the prince on the Internet. It soon turns out that he is the leading quarterback of the school football team and an incredibly popular young man. Naturally, they meet at the ball, and, escaping from there, Cinderella loses not her glass slipper, but her mobile phone. But everything, of course, ends with a happy ending.
A very kind and gentle film with excellent acting - the role of Cinderella is perhaps one of Hilary’s best film roles. “A Cinderella Story” is an excellent romantic comedy, perfect for watching with your loved one on cold autumn evenings.
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In 2011, a new version of the popular fairy tale was released on movie screens - the mini-series “Cinderella” by Canadian director Christian Duguay.
The film takes place in the post-war years in Italy. Cinderella's father, the famous conductor Valerio de Luca, dies in Rome in 1946, leaving his only and beloved daughter Aurora in the care of her stepmother - not just a quarrelsome and envious intriguer, but a truly evil woman who does not allow her stepdaughter passage and constantly humiliates her. But, as befits Cinderella, Aurora does not cease to be a kind and sympathetic girl, fate, in the end, dots all the i’s, and Cinderella finds her Prince.
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So, the next Cinderella...
“Cinderella” by British director Kenneth Branagh, known for his numerous film adaptations of Shakespeare’s plays, was released Initially, the role of the main character was offered to Emma Watson, but later they decided to make the star of the series “Downton Abbey” Lily James
. The film was shot at Walt Disney Studios - another real fairy tale!
Start praising yourself
Here's another tip to help you go from comfortable to loved. Start praising yourself for any achievements, big or small. It is quite difficult to get rid of the dependence of other people's approval. But this is a great chance to learn how to independently evaluate yourself and your actions.
Praise yourself for everything that comes to mind. For your luxurious eyelashes and slender legs. And also for delicious borscht, for a washed window, for a beautiful braid on my daughter’s head, etc. After a while, start doing it out loud. Don't be confused by other people's questions.
Continue until praise becomes a regular habit for you and you believe that you are simply worth your weight in gold.
Cinderella syndrome
Shekhova A.
Cinderella syndrome. How to get rid of the good girl complex.
St. Petersburg: Peter, 2020.
"Cinderella" is an old fairy tale with a popular plot. Poor modest girl, hard worker and kindness itself. She tolerates her evil stepmother, silently carrying out all her orders, and takes care of her harmful sisters. And finally, he receives a well-deserved reward - a handsome prince and a pair of branded shoes to boot. Unfortunately, such a happy ending only happens in books and TV series. But in real life, Cinderellas should not rely on the help of the fairy godmother. And in order not to be left with a pumpkin instead of a carriage, you will have to start changing yourself.
Do you rarely express your opinion, never argue, are you embarrassed to talk about your successes, do you prefer dark or dull clothes? Do you find it difficult to say “no” and difficult to make requests to others? You don't know how to react to rudeness and insults addressed to you? Do you think that the well-being of your loved ones is more important than your own? Do you tolerate unpleasant people in your environment? If you answered “yes” to most of these questions, you are Cinderella and Anna Shekhova’s book was written especially for you.
“You can create yourself at any age. You can make dreams and desires come true - even those that seem crazy to others. You can start life from scratch at any time. I believe that words heard or read at the right time can greatly change reality.”
First of all, you need to figure out why you are Cinderella. The reason, as usual, lies in childhood. Of course, your parents wished you only the best, they wanted your daughter to grow up to be an ideal woman - a loving wife, a skillful housewife, a caring mother. Well, as often happens, they overdid it. There were too many complaints, and very little praise. The same situation happened at school. You tried to study well, and the teachers believed that you could do even better. And they didn’t praise or support either. As a result, you have stopped waiting for approval, considering yourself unworthy of it for now. It's time to stop dreaming about this happy moment of receiving an award and start working on yourself.
The value of this book is that, in addition to theory, it describes several effective methods for getting rid of the “good girl” syndrome . The author suggests:
- practices for accepting one’s appearance “non-judgmental contemplation”, “drawing of a vessel” (an exercise from art therapy);
- ways of working with af, “method of monologue, or voicing,” “deep breathing technique”;
- “level of contact with the body” test;
- environmentally friendly ways of expressing aggression “sheet of paper”, “farewell letter”, personal conversation about feelings, drawing, psychodrama, search for purpose.
Anna Shekhova lists situations in which the help of a psychotherapist should not be neglected: overweight/unconscious eating, consequences of trauma, parental/birth patterns, family and communication problems, problems with self-confidence, complexes, stereotypes, increased anxiety, depression, worry loss.
Readers can independently master anti-stress practices: “step back”, “deep breath”, “ring bracelets”, “shaking”, as well as methods that help build, protect and restore their personal boundaries: “garbage bag”, situational humor, "glass wall"
Before you finally drive Cinderella out of your life, you need to perform a farewell ritual: remember both the bad and the good, analyze the past, express your feelings.
“You actually need to say goodbye and close this chapter of your life. Put a dot, draw a line, or do something else that symbolically marks the end. It is very important that it be a period and not a comma.”
Goodbye Cinderella! Hello princess!
female psychologyillusionspsychological attitudesself-esteem
Have a naughty day
Because a good woman strives to please everyone, sometimes she experiences burnout. Such women come home from work on Friday and instead of plopping down on the sofa to watch their favorite TV series, she picks up a vacuum cleaner and a broom and begins frantically cleaning the apartment, because tomorrow her husband’s mother is coming to visit, who does not tolerate mess.
The idea behind this method is to give yourself a naughty day once a week (or more often). Choose something that really annoys you (tires you, stresses you out) and just don’t do it! Of course, your conscience will torment you, but this will pass and will soon become your norm.
Don’t do something that you absolutely don’t want to do (that you don’t have the strength and/or desire to do) for the simple reason that you don’t want to do it! And as you remember, the woman she loves thinks first of all about her desires.
Sinderella syndrome
The Cinderella-Cinderella story has inspired many, including psychologists and writers, resulting in concepts such as the Cinderella syndrome or complex and the Cinderella effect (which we will not discuss.)
Let's look at the Sinderella syndrome or complex using the example of the article The Sinderella Syndrome, published in The New York Times Magazine in March 1981. This article is from a book published in May of 1981 by Summit Books, which quickly became a bestseller.
The author of the book is the writer and psychotherapist Colette Dowling, who, in fact, introduced the characteristic terminology into practice. The book is called “The Cinderella Complex: Women's Hidden Fear of Independence .”
Colette Dowling believes that women are characterized by dependence and sacrifice inherent in childhood, they are characterized by subordination of their interests to the desires of others, fear of freedom and independence from them.
All this must be realized, and in order to “overcome the Cinderella complex, women will have to begin to take their psychological essence seriously, examine the events of their childhood, determine where the truth is and where self-deception is.. And if previously instilled beliefs are erroneous, and if they are destructive, then they themselves women will have to take on the difficult task of correcting them. ” (free translation from Binoklium).
When they talk about the Cinderella complex , firstly mean that women are unconsciously prone to dependence on a “dominant figure”, and if a woman is honest with herself, she will realize that she has never been comfortable with the thought that you need to take care of yourself, stand up for yourself, declare yourself.
Secondly, as part of the complex there are, as it were, common dreams of a prince on a white horse, who (the prince), sooner or later, will gallop with shoes of the correct size, get down on one knee, put the shoes on his feet, take him by the hand, and lead him into the shining with bright joy and provision for everyone.
The first one is quite common. Secondly , dreamy young ladies are becoming a thing of the past; the process of actively searching for a prince is quite pragmatic in nature.
But in any case, what does this have to do with Cinderella, who has other priorities, and who is decidedly not suitable for either “firstly” or “secondly”.
Stop making excuses
The biggest problem a comfortable woman has is her absolute inability to say “no” to other people. To avoid this problem, you need to learn to refuse at all costs. Try to refuse to help a friend, lend money to a colleague, answer “no” to your boss when asked to stay late at work, etc.
Give it up, but don't get into conflict. Often good women, trying to finally define their boundaries, practically enter into battle, which, naturally, causes an instant negative reaction from others and conflicts. All this is not needed. Learn to say “no” to others politely, but firmly and confidently. Say that you have your own plans for this time or money.
