Men don't cry ↑
Men are taught to avoid tears and hold back sobs from early childhood. Therefore, in many cases it is more difficult for them to survive any cataclysm, which includes divorce.
It is especially difficult to part with a loved one when the feeling is no longer mutual. Tears ease the soul, which is what women take advantage of. In contrast to them, a man accumulates everything within himself.
A woman can cry into her friend’s vest, but it’s difficult for a man to do this. His sobs seem socially unacceptable. Therefore, he has to behave as his pride dictates.
Ways to keep your husband
There may be another situation. The husband wants a divorce, but the wife does not want to let him go because she can forgive the betrayal. Such a woman is ready to endure humiliation, which is why she may look within herself for the reasons for the action. Although this is not entirely the right decision, many find it difficult to cope with separation.
The wife has a way out - to be better than her husband’s new lover. If he was attracted to her, then there was something special about her. He probably liked his appearance or character traits. The wife needs to look at herself in the mirror. If, due to everyday problems, a woman begins to take less care of herself, then this must be corrected. You need to go to a beauty salon and buy stylish things. The new look is of great importance.
How a man can survive a divorce from his wife ↑
Divorce can be a test of varying degrees of severity depending on its cause; the psychological burden on those diverging is noticeably greater if there are children. On the contrary, in their absence, family disintegration occurs much easier.
There are many reasons for divorce. Among them:
- lack of intimate relationships that satisfy partners;
- infidelity on one of the parties, while the initiator of the discrepancy can be either the one who was cheated on when he finds out about the infidelity, or the party who committed adultery, in case of desire to start a family with a partner outside of marriage.
- economic or domestic troubles;
- the disappearance of common interests that previously supported the family;
- mismatch of characters.
If there is a child
If a married couple has children, in most cases they remain with the mother. It turns out that the man loses both his wife and his offspring, with whom he can now communicate only occasionally.
There are cases when the child has already grown up, then divorce has less of an impact on his psyche. But when a family with two small children ceases to exist, both spouses need to choose the most precise line of behavior.
In any case, everything must be done to ensure that the relationship with the child suffers to the least extent:
- It is advisable to involve children as little as possible in the situation related to the divorce.
- You should approach the issue of raising your offspring together with your wife as constructively as possible.
- It is also necessary to let your children understand that nothing has essentially changed in your relationship.
It is unlikely that the breakup of a family will be completely painless for both the child and the teenager, but it is quite possible to reduce the negative effect to a minimum.
After 40
Divorce in the fifth decade (and later) occurs quite often. The forty-year mark is associated with a midlife crisis; at this time a person re-evaluates his previous life. Among other things, he may realize that the relationship with his wife no longer has the same interest for him.
Regardless of the reasons, at this age, divorce is much more difficult to bear compared to younger years.
The easiest way to cope with separation from their wife are men who go to a young woman. However, even in this case there are pitfalls: marriage to a young woman can lead to a noticeable increase in stress on the male body, especially when this happens at the age of 50.
Is it depressing to not have a soul mate nearby? Find out how to get out of depression from loneliness. How to improve relations with your ex-husband after divorce? Read here.
After 30 years of marriage, when the most recent years have passed in a calm one mode, it is not so easy to switch to a more intense one.
If the wife initiates the separation
There is a stereotype that men often initiate divorce. In fact, according to statistics, in the category after 40, in two thirds of cases, women initiate divorce. It is especially difficult to separate when you still love your spouse.
What to do if your loved one leaves for someone else?
Having analyzed the situation and made fairly clear conclusions about why this happened, the man should talk to his passion. During a conversation, you should not make meaningless promises on your part. Better try the following:
- Find out how your spouse feels about you.
- Why did she commit adultery?
- Does he regret his action?
- Is a compromise possible to restore the old relationship?
The answers will demonstrate how serious your wife's intentions are towards you or her lover, and will help clarify what exactly she was missing in her family relationship.
But if the chosen one made it clear: I’m not just leaving, but I’m leaving for another subject, then finding out who is right and who is wrong, as well as discussing a joint future, is simply pointless. And requests and pleas from a man are even more inappropriate here. Such actions aggravate the situation and, most importantly, hurt the spouse’s already precarious psychological state. After all, representatives of the stronger sex are more selfish, they have a heightened sense of ownership. If the partner finds a replacement and, despite requests to stay, leaves the chosen one for another, then humiliation and self-loathing are added to the feeling of loss and pain. So try to avoid such scenes.
There are situations when the husband himself kicked out his wife for adultery and does not know what to do next. In a state of shock, such an act is possible, but it is completely in vain. By kicking out his wife, the husband dooms himself to even greater torment, since where she is at the moment can only be guessed. And guesses are fraught with unnecessary fantasies. Perhaps, in reality, the exile is staying with a friend and experiencing remorse, but the man will be sure that she has gone to her lover and is indulging in pleasures. Such thoughts will further inflame the situation, so kicking out your wife without finding out what’s what is the wrong thing to do.
The most unpleasant cases are when the wife cheated and does not admit to the crime. It’s even worse when the moves to the left continue, and the unfaithful passion claims the opposite. When she doesn’t want to get a divorce and when she knows that her chosen one deeply loves and believes her. In this situation, there is no need to think about it; you need to get a divorce immediately. By filing for divorce, your wife's infidelity will be punished. Such women appreciate the kindness and decency of their passions only when they lose what is dear to them.
Advice from a psychologist ↑
- Divorce, when it has become a fait accompli, must be accepted . A man must completely reconcile with it, not challenge it even internally.
- You shouldn't be alone often. A man who has just experienced the end of a marriage especially needs someone to talk to.
- It is advisable to discuss not only events, but also your own feelings about them.
- It is recommended not to be shy in expressing emotions ; those who do not hold back their feelings take better care of their health.
- But it is not recommended to abuse alcohol . Its moderate consumption is acceptable, small doses promote relaxation, while frequent drinking will only cause harm.
- It is advisable to maintain a constructive relationship with your ex-wife, especially if you have children, in this case you will be able to avoid a lot of problems in the future.
- You should not go to either extreme , without blaming either yourself or another person for what happened. Both the complex of one’s own guilt and the curse addressed to the ex-wife are destructive.
- It is very good if a man discovers a new line of activity or a fresh hobby.
- Finally, it is useful to communicate from time to time with a professional psychologist who can correct his client’s behavior.
Don't artificially create a personal life
If a man starts an affair immediately after the breakup of a family, such a precocious relationship is fraught with a quick break. After all, the woman in this case serves only as a way to distract herself, and with her help the man tries to restore self-esteem, especially if the divorce occurred on the initiative of his wife.
Such stories in most cases end in a quick separation. And the man acquires an additional burden - a feeling of guilt.
However, if a man meets a stranger with whom he really feels good, he should not hesitate. You just don’t need to try to have an affair at any cost, on an emergency basis.
Take your time
Idleness always contributes to the emergence of unpleasant, harmful thoughts. Therefore, after a divorce, you should do something all the time.
Has the decision been made about the need for divorce proceedings? Find out how to file for divorce. How to get a girl out of depression? Read here.
Depression while on maternity leave: what to do? The answers are in the article.
In addition, divorce means that the man definitely has problems that require immediate solutions. They should not be shelved. Everyday chores will be a good way to distract yourself from psychological difficulties.
Don't stop communicating with your children
It was already indicated above that it is desirable to ensure that children experience a divorce to a minimum extent. It is equally important that the father who has not received custody and the son or daughter maintain full contact. To do this, it is desirable that they have common interests.
If you have managed to maintain a friendly relationship with your child, half the battle is done. But it is necessary that you have something to communicate about, otherwise the absence of hostility will not make your relationship meaningful.
As you can see, divorce is not at all easy in any case, and it is impossible to give certain recipes to those who want to avoid losses as a result.
The recommendations dictated by simple common sense remain true, namely:
- maintain (if possible) relations with your wife;
- protect relationships with children;
- keep yourself busy;
- Do not quickly start new relationships unless necessary. In this case, the same common sense will help to distinguish necessity from whim.
How to get through the breakup stage?
Women sometimes don’t know how to survive betrayal and divorce. They believe that life ends here, since nothing around them makes them happy. They don’t understand how they can go through this stage more calmly. The most important thing is peace of mind, so it is important to get your soap in order. In a hysterical state, it will not be possible to sensibly assess the situation.
When a husband cheats on his wife, it causes great hurt. But you need to understand what actions could lead to this. Often you can find a reason in them. When a husband decides to divorce, the wife should not blame herself for everything. Time will help you get through this period. Gradually, the improvement of life will be noticeable.
Often, long-term family life continues out of habit, so it makes no sense to continue it. To get through this period, you need to unwind, and not be completely alone. A great solution would be to meet with friends, visit your parents, or go on a regular trip. It is likely that after some time the spouse will get tired of his life and will want to return to the family. Or it may be that the woman does not want to return to him. In any case, divorce is not a reason for despair, since after this you can start a new life.
About a new life
You only start over with a clean slate when you have let go of your ex-partner. You don't have to love him. The ideal relationship is even and slightly warm, after all, he gave you a child and this connection is forever.
You will only end your divorce when you part amicably and perhaps talk and express your experiences. There is only one doctor here - time. In the meantime, while you wait and your wounds heal, take care of yourself. You devote so little time to yourself, and therefore to your happiness, that it’s time to fix it.
We tried to answer the main question - how to survive a divorce from your husband if you still love and have a child. But the psychologist’s advice does not end there. Even if you went through a divorce with dignity, forgetting your ex-husband and starting a new life, however, as well as forgiving the betrayal, can still be difficult. In this case, we suggest you read the following books:
- Natalya Pravdina. You will be happy, I will help!
- Natalya Pravdina. I attract love
- Valery Sinelnikov. The Power of Intention. How to realize your dreams and desires
The idea is to focus on the present and the future. Natalya Pravdina has written dozens of good books that help women accept themselves, become more confident and finally find happiness. Perhaps these books will help you get your ex back. Who knows? But this will no longer be an old relationship, but a new and creative one. As for Sinelnikov, he has no equal with his method of psychological aikido. This will help you solve literally all the difficulties in your life.
Reasons for divorce
There are many reasons for breaking up a relationship. Divorce from his wife is one of the most difficult experiences for a man. Here, not only does a long-term relationship collapse, but trust is also lost. The most natural reaction is a feeling of all-encompassing mental pain. Let's take a closer look at the reasons for what is happening. It is worth understanding them to prevent complications.
READ
How to get your loved one back: advice from a psychologist, magic and prayers
Treason
When a woman suddenly finds a lover, the very fact hits her self-esteem painfully. With the news of infidelity comes disappointment. It seems like it will never get better. Cheating becomes a stumbling block for many couples. Not every partner is able to forgive their other half for such a moment. A man can become so upset that he no longer controls his feelings. Insults, blackmail, accusations, and discontent are used.
Treason is a serious reason for dissolving a union.
Losing interest in each other
When love passes, people feel like they have become strangers. There is no longer a desire to overcome obstacles or set goals. Partners can come to this ending as a result of unjustified efforts and disappointments. Sometimes it is enough to systematically listen to refusals. Feelings of loneliness in marriage are not uncommon. Sometimes people, being under the same roof, remain barely acquaintances. The big problem is the reluctance to solve problems together.
Empty nest syndrome
Sometimes people who have raised children suddenly realize that they have no reason to stay together anymore. They have already fulfilled their parental duty. An emptiness settles in the soul, a feeling of wasted years appears. Dissatisfaction is growing every day. Often partners begin to blame each other. At such moments, it seems that there is no longer any point in staying together. Empty nest syndrome is a difficult experience for both partners. Some people can’t stand it and prefer to break up.
Life after a breakup
The main point is what divorce teaches you. Remember that in any situation, no matter how hopeless and hopeless it may seem to you, there is always a resource. All that remains is to see him.
Yes, I understand, now you are depressed, you have a lot of thoughts, a lot of worries and you are scared. But if you live through these emotions, release them, close the gestalt with unsuccessful relationships, you will understand that you can breathe deeply and be happy even with the “divorced” mark in some document.
divorce
