Female egoism - angles of its manifestation

Today's topic is selfishness and its manifestations. Egoism is a special trait of “selfishness”, which is not inherited, but acquired along with upbringing. Parents who love their children (especially those who have one child) should clearly know the boundaries of what is possible and what is not, even for their beloved child, so that it will be easier for a new member of society in adulthood.

The word "egoist" is translated as "I am." Selfishness has many manifestations, direct and indirect - in behavior, in life circumstances, in speech, in gesture, in appearance, and in profession. May be congenital or acquired.

Identifying egoistic manifestations in ourselves is not as difficult as it seems, because at certain moments we lose control over ourselves and show our true face. Or we act as we are used to, without noticing it ourselves. It’s these “little things” that you need to be extremely attentive to. After all, little things reveal the inner state of a person and his nature.

V.Vestnik: “The desire to obtain as many joys and pleasures as possible is natural for any organism, because it is formed evolutionarily. In an effort to satisfy its desires, the body performs the entire complex of actions necessary to maintain vitality.

Since organisms primarily live in social conditions, this set of necessary actions includes those that contribute to the survival of the community. For example, caring for neighbors and the weak. These are altruistic in nature, and they are motivated by corresponding evolutionarily formed feelings of unity and love.

It turns out that the ability to derive pleasure from performing altruistic actions is inherent in nature. And not just like that, to decorate life and inspire romantics, but for the survival of the species. Consequently, morality is the norm, and selfishness is a pathology. And to say that an egoist is a moral monster will not be an exaggeration. It is on the basis of selfishness that criminal plans arise. By and large, all criminals are selfish.”

Manifestations of selfishness in a person

This list of manifestations is far from complete. As you observe yourself and the world, you will probably discover many more. And selfishness is not always as clearly visible as described below. But, if there is at least one of the manifestations, there is still a lot of real work to be done on oneself to overcome this spiritual inferiority.

Tends to constantly evaluate oneself and others - criticize, condemn, gossip, slander, have prejudices (often inside there is a “broken record” of criticism of someone or something).
Stubborn, prone to stubbornness, an automatic “no” as a rejection of everything and everyone. At the same time, there is a lack of desire to do anything, to change oneself.
Expressions of disagreement from loved ones are very painful to bear, and the resistance of his partner can be perceived as a denial of himself.
He always looks for the reason for what is happening in others, outside himself, does not want to understand, to see the reason in himself (“I have nothing to do with it”).
He thinks in polar categories, for him there is no middle ground - either grandiose in his achievements (he is the best, standing at the very top of the world!), or insignificant (but also great in his insignificance, because there is no one worse than him in the world). Therefore, victories lift him to the skies, and defeats lead him to a state of depression.
I am convinced that in this world there are someone better, and someone worse, while he more often ranks himself among the “best.”
He clearly divides people into “us” and “strangers” (along the lines of “men are from Mars, and women are from Venus, and we cannot understand each other”).
Does not accept dissidents, different-looking people, newcomers (for example, collective egoism).
Consciously identifies “his own people” (by kinship, nationality, place of residence, profession, education, etc.) and gives them priority benefits to the detriment and hostility towards “outsiders.”
Focused on one's own self. He has high self-esteem, believes in his exclusivity and rarity. Considers himself irresistible. He is prone to narcissism and loves only himself, his beloved. And hence - envy of those who, in his opinion, are “worse”, but for some reason receive “undeserved” benefits.
Tends to attract attention to himself by any means, to highlight himself.
Loves flattery, praise, compliments, distinguishing himself from others.
Depends on the recognition of others, focuses on other people's opinions.
Needs constant expressions of self-love or submission; looking for those who are ready to merge with him, submit, and confirm his significance.
Dreams of an “ideal man”, “ideal family”, “ideal child” (“who, if not me, should get the best”).
He has high standards in life, ambitions, and is prone to careerism, the pursuit of prestige, and external attributes.
Strives to fight for the best place, fierce competition, loves to participate in various competitions, competitions and, most importantly, win.
Above all, he values his personal freedom, but often to the detriment of others.
At the other extreme (as opposed to high ambitions and high standards), he is prone to the position of “victim”, self-pity, to the point of self-deprecation.
Prone to dictatorship, tyranny, suppression of others (to such a dictatorship, when an entire nation works to satisfy the needs of one person).
Attaches excessive importance to his work. Thus, he convinces himself and others of his importance. He tends to blend in with his social status, constantly talks about his achievements, talks about his capabilities, about what an irreplaceable worker he is, about the influential people he knows.
Tends to not fulfill his responsibilities (daughter/son, mother/father, wife/husband, boss/subordinate, man/woman, human, Soul), shifting it to others.
Attracts the selfish reactions of others (i.e. there are selfish people nearby).
Accuses them of indifference and selfishness towards themselves.
He often makes friends with selfish people, with swindlers, bandits, bribe-takers, corrupt officials, etc. This means that he morally supports and participates in their crimes (through energy-informational communication).
He imposes his opinion, points out, controls people, subordinating them to his ideas about how to live, work, love.
Invades the interests and freedom of others, imposes his own rules, beliefs, and values.
Has low motivation to engage in socially useful activities (unless it brings “bonuses” for him personally).
Doesn't know how to work in a team, prefers to work separately, on his own. Or he strives to take a dominant position.
Makes high demands on his partner (spouse), his own child, and subordinates. Strives to change and remake others, without changing himself.
He is inclined to punish, establish strict rules, and demand unconditional obedience in order to fulfill his demands.
I am convinced that his interests should always come first, everything should serve his interests (“you owe me”, “for me”).
Strives to achieve his goals at the expense of others, to their detriment.
Capable of attracting weaker ones, but using them to his own advantage.
Painfully focused on his own experiences and incapable of emotional attachment.
Indifferent, inattentive to the interests, needs, thoughts, emotional and sensory states of others.
He is indifferent to loved ones, to relatives, often condemns them and does not want to communicate with them, separates himself.
He may not care about the wishes of the majority, because the main thing for him is the mental and physical comfort of his own “I”.
In the house - first of all, he takes into account his interests, his tastes and needs, “pulling the blanket over himself.”
I like it when people listen to him and are interested in his life. But he himself does not know how to listen: he interrupts, withdraws into himself, turns the topic to himself, conducts a long monologue or has a blank look and indifference.
Tends to live obsessing, if not about himself, then about his child, husband/wife, or parents.
Strives for “freebies”, for “everything at once”, “here and now”, the entire value system is centered around immediate personal well-being.
He has a dependent attitude towards life, expects “gifts” from it, instead of counting on the fruits of his own spiritual efforts. Therefore, he is prone to magical ways of obtaining the desired benefits.
He does not like to hear about his mistakes, miscalculations, shortcomings - he avoids such conversations or breaks off relationships.
He treats condescendingly, justifies himself and his actions, which bring inconvenience and harm to others (to the point of completely not noticing them).
Doesn't want and doesn't know how to learn from other people's mistakes and experiences.
It is difficult to communicate with people who have their own opinions and think independently (therefore, in his environment there are often driven people who blindly believe in authorities).
Underestimates others, does not know how to see merit in them.
He does not know how to rejoice at the achievements of others, and, conversely, is internally satisfied with the losses or failures of others.
Tends to oppose himself to someone.
Isolates, alienates, withdraws into himself, strives for constant solitude, loneliness, and, as a result, can become asocial.
It is difficult to establish truly close relationships - either he keeps his distance or is inclined to merge.
Feels the hostility of the surrounding world, expects an attack. Internally vulnerable, touchy (to the point of avoidance, to the point of complete severance of relationships).
He does not trust others, and, as a result, he is inclined to create defenses (withdrawal, attack, dullness, drowsiness, obesity, inaccessibility, etc.).
May give the impression of an infantile person, unable to take care of himself, dependent on others. In fact, this is an unconscious manipulation in order to win the attention of others and delegate the care of oneself to someone else.
He may be unsure of himself, inert, weak-willed, inactive out of fear that it won’t work out, that they won’t understand. In this case, he is inclined to opportunism, silence, ingratiation, and suppression of his desires and aspirations.
Prone to energy vampirism (takes out on others his grievances, claims, problems with health, destiny, self-pity, or constantly grumbles, is irritated, conflicted, dissatisfied with everyone and everything).
Does not know how to accept help from others, avoids, refuses help.
He demonstrates to everyone how dependent they are on him, emphasizes “his contribution” to the fate, career, and health of this person.
Can condescendingly hand over things or objects to someone (“what is no longer useful to me, you see, will suit you”).
Doesn’t want to follow any rules or laws (“but I can do anything”).
He often behaves arrogantly (sometimes to the point of recklessness).
It imposes orders that lead to discord between people and societies. Promotes conflicts, wars (from family to world).
Tends to mistreat animals and nature - to use them in his own selfish interests, for the sake of prestige, imaginary beauty, imaginary health, to kill them without special need.
He appropriates the property of others for his own interests and unjustly accumulates wealth.

Since spiritual inferiority leads to degradation of the soul, signs of this process are observed in a person’s life

Tendency to lead a parasitic lifestyle (the desire to live at the expense of someone - husband, girlfriend, parents, sponsors, donors, etc.).
Lack of balance in many aspects of life (food, daily routine, entertainment, clothing, home, emotions, instincts, relationships with people).
A decrease in the level of success towards the end of life, the early appearance of “senile diseases” (senility, deterioration of hearing, memory, vision, weak and painful joint mobility, etc.).
Low motivation for self-improvement (“I’m already good!”).
Laziness of thinking (“I’ll think about this tomorrow”).
Tendency to illusions, addictions of any kind (alcohol, drugs, social networks, workaholism, hoarding, shopaholism, etc.).
Depression, apathy.
Concentration of basic life goals and desires in the material sphere.
Reducing (to the point of complete absence) the moral criteria for evaluating one’s actions (what can be done is moral, and what cannot be done is immoral, i.e. it harms the whole society, all life in general).

Characteristic features in childhood

the only child in the family,
the most beloved child (often to the detriment of other children), who was overly pampered in childhood, who grew up in an atmosphere of permissiveness and excessive care,
a beautiful child who already receives compliments and praise from adults in early childhood,
a particularly gifted child who often grows into a talented but somewhat self-centered adult,
a long-awaited and only child (for example, due to illness),
a child born “for oneself” (for example, to a woman who is lonely or unloved by her husband),
a child born (or kept) to the detriment of another child,
the youngest child in the family, who receives too much attention (especially if there is a large age gap with other children),
the sickest child, often disabled with low intellectual abilities (Down syndrome, cerebral palsy, mental retardation, etc.),
indifference on the part of surrounding relatives in childhood (unemotional, not warm, always busy with work or sorting out relationships, self-absorbed, asocial, dependent),
a child who was overprotected and deprived of independence between the ages of one and three years,
a child born as a “disturbance”, a restriction of the freedom of one of the parents, a chain as a manipulative attachment to family relationships,
birth in backward habitats (villages, tribes, dying areas, underdeveloped states),
birth in a separate city, country or in a clan alienated from everyone.

Characteristic features in appearance

carefully monitors his appearance, his own prestigious image in the eyes of others, so his appearance is often attractive,
likes to dress “newly”, with taste, to stand out among others,
has (or tries) good behavior in order to have a positive opinion of others,
obsessed with his body (pseudo-self-love) or, conversely, indifferent to his health.

Characteristic features in vocabulary

“I”, “mine”, “to me”, “for me”, “with me”, “I want”, “the end justifies the means”, “all means are good”, “who will take care of me except myself”, “I am better, brighter, more developed, older, wiser, more experienced, more spiritual, etc.” (or the reverse side - “I’m nobody”, “I’m stupider, younger, inexperienced... etc.), “everyone thinks only about themselves”, “I can do everything”, etc.

Characteristic professions

Power structures, military, police, rulers, terrorists, colonialists, crime, show business, cosmetology, any magic, rare professions, charitable organizations, business, gaming business, beauty contests (and any “best of the best”), work “in alone”, work with a minimum of interaction with people, etc.

Characteristic diseases

Cardiovascular, high blood pressure, diabetes, bronchopulmonary, head diseases, sick, uneven teeth and gums, spine, thyroid, kidneys and liver, hemorrhoids, hernia, cystitis, impotence, frigidity, vaginismus, asthma, weakened intellect, consciousness, pathological deterioration of character and senile insanity, etc.

New in blogs

It is no secret that in 3/4 of cases the woman is the initiator of divorce. The list of complaints against husbands is inexhaustible, from his addiction to computer games to alcoholism. There are not as many alcoholics in the country as there are husbands to whom alcoholism is attributed. Naturally, the holy triad of “drank-beat-cheated” removes all questions for a woman, and, believe me, there are many of these questions.

Whatever the wife brings to reproach her husband during the divorce, this is only a private reason; the sad ending was the result of such a thing as dissatisfaction with her husband and marriage. Of course, the higher a woman’s expectations, the greater the chance of being disappointed, and the expectations (expectations) of women have long become inadequately high; any Dunka from the Blue Lipyagov fancies herself as Angelina Jolie. But that's not what I'm talking about now.

In the magazine "Vestnik KRAUNTS" for 2009. No. 1, a scientific, VAK article by Olesya Vyacheslavovna Bondareva “Peculiarities of the manifestation of the selfish orientation of the individual in marital relationships” was published. In it, the scientist shared the results of his research. And they are very curious.

During the study, Bondareva compared couples with equally high levels of egoism, with equally low ones, and couples with different levels of spouses’ egoism.

Firstly, Bondareva found that in couples with different levels of selfishness, as a rule, the spouse is more selfish.

The couples with an equally low level of egoism were the most satisfied with their marriage - everyone takes care of each other, no one pulls the blanket on themselves, no one bothers them with unnecessary claims, the partner will give in if you need to realize something, and you will give in to him. The least satisfied with their marriage were couples with different levels of spouses' selfishness.

And here Bondareva made a second important discovery. It turned out that those who were more dissatisfied with their marriage were those who were superior to their partner with their selfishness. That is, mainly WOMEN. They are selfish, they are also dissatisfied with their position in the family. Bondareva explained this fact by the fact that the demands of an egoist cannot be satisfied; they grow as they are satisfied. Meanwhile, in practice, the one who suffers the most is the one with the lower level of egoism, and this is, as a rule, a man.

As Bondareva writes: “The lack of opportunity to satisfy certain needs creates an emergency situation, as it gives rise to a variety of negative experiences, a state of psychological discomfort. The egoist's spouse is faced with a situation where the fulfillment of his desires is difficult or blocked, i.e. deprived."

This is the same deprivation of men that I talk about in my articles on Maxpark. Constant deprivation leads to dissatisfaction with oneself, one’s life, depression or tension in relationships, some men give up and become a “couch dweller”, some start drinking, some start partying. As a result, the selfish wife receives a bunch of reasons for divorce, not noticing that she herself is the architect of her own misfortune.

Selfish women do not notice the obvious. Thus, Bondareva found that selfish women do not even realize, in most cases, that they are violating the personal space of their spouse. They are asked a direct question, for example, “Have you ever had to throw away your husband’s personal belongings without asking his consent?” Bondareva heard in response, “No.” And the husbands of these wives said that these facts took place. Selfishness blinds a woman.

To summarize, we can conclude that women’s dissatisfaction with their marriage only in some cases has an objective basis, and in some cases, and, I think, the majority, is a consequence of the selfish worldview of a modern woman. Accordingly, one of the main options for strengthening the family is to change the mental attitudes of the female part of society, in order to reduce the level of female egoism.

Selfishness in personal life

Frequent quarrels in family life occur due to the selfishness of one of the spouses. One of the couple constantly has to make concessions, thereby encouraging the egoism of the other. Unfortunately, in family life it is not possible to constantly adapt to each other without hiding your selfishness far away.

Because everyday issues require mutual agreement on many things. Don't be angry if you have to do something for your husband's sake: next time he will do the same thing if he sees that you did it for his sake. Try to compromise on issues that do not affect your ego.

But if some of your husband’s demands contradict your ideas about a normal family, then you need to “turn on” selfishness. It is difficult for selfish people to start a family, because after the birth of a child they understand what it means when the world revolves around one person.

By gradually moderating your selfishness, you can create a strong family, whose members act in common interests. After all, in a couple, everything should be done not for the sake of one person, but for the sake of both. This is the only way to make happy and harmonious relationships possible, in which no one is disadvantaged.

Selfishness at work

In their careers, it is not egoists who reach the top, but people who know how to act in their own interests, but at the same time clearly carry out the instructions of their superiors. A normal employer will always choose an easy-going employee, and not one who thinks only about himself. But in relations with employees, in many matters you have to behave selfishly.

If you don’t think about yourself, you will immediately be burdened with additional responsibilities or forced to do things that aren’t yours. It's easy to be selfish at work because you don't have to be friends with your coworkers, just maintain a working relationship. Many people come to work to socialize, and this prevents them from organizing their work in a way that is comfortable.

Once you understand that you have nothing in common with your employees other than their shared work, it will be easier for you to behave selfishly without feeling guilty about it. Unfortunately, many will not appreciate your good attitude, because in a career, in order to reach the top, you often need to go over your head, betraying the people with whom you work side by side.

How selfishness manifests itself

In some romantic relationships, the following pattern is noticeable: one sacrifices everything, the other wants to do nothing.

A selfish person is characterized by the following:

he doesn't care;
doesn't help you;
doesn't understand you;
doesn't compromise.

Such an individual seeks only to satisfy his desires. His attitude towards his partner is consumerist. He only takes, but gives nothing in return. Such natures are despotic, demanding, they do not forgive and throw hysterics at others. They use their partner to achieve their own goals, manipulate him and blame other people for their troubles. Selfishness can be both female and male.

Female selfishness

Women's egoism manifests itself as hidden manipulation of a man. Playing on guilt is one of the most striking manifestations of selfishness in a relationship. Suggesting that a man has not delivered something or has not fulfilled some obligations is an attempt to control a partner in a relationship. This behavior is typical of girls with low self-esteem, with fears of loneliness, or girls who did not have the best example of a relationship between their parents.

Male egoism

The tactics of selfish men are completely different from those of women. The male sex is also prone to manipulation, but he is more straightforward. Selfish men expect unquestioning obedience to their will. The desire for the girl to do only what they want, to dress only the way they want. To solve the problem in such relationships, they do not even consider compromise. Such men suppress their woman, trying to break her willpower.

Selfishness towards others

Very often, selfish people, despite their character, are surrounded by friends and acquaintances. Have you ever wondered why, when you treat people well and sacrifice yourself, they are not in a hurry to respond in kind? People are drawn to egoists because they recognize in them a strong personality who always wins over other homo sapiens.

An egoist is self-confident, calculating and always knows what he needs. Such people attract and delight, especially weak individuals who are not capable of behaving selfishly and acting exclusively in their own interests. But sooner or later, anyone, even the most devoted friend, will become irritated by your selfishness, and he may decide to break up with you.

Therefore, it is unacceptable to behave selfishly with loved ones, otherwise you risk being left alone with selfishness. For those who, on the contrary, lack healthy egoism, it is worth reconsidering their attitude towards the people around them. Very often we want to please people we don’t know simply because we don’t know how to say “no.”

The first rule of selfishness: don't do something if you don't want to. You are not obligated to help someone just because you have been asked for help. Try not to forget about yourself, because often people play on feelings of pity and force others to do what they need to the detriment of themselves.

Every time you are going to do something for others, ask yourself: “Can I really do this without harming myself?”, “Why am I doing this - is it because I want to help or so that they will not think badly of me? » And then gradually you will learn to refuse people in situations where someone’s request goes against your interests.

It is very important to know when and where to be selfish so as not to forget about yourself, but at the same time show attention and help to other people from time to time.

You shouldn’t think too often about when and where to be selfish. Sometimes it is worth doing something unselfishly and from the heart. Good deeds often come back to us from other people, even if we sacrifice our own interests.

Epigraph: “Now is the time when you need to be careful with your statements so as not to offend any motherfuckers out there.”

(from the picture from Kitty)

Spanish shame happens for a Russian person in Turkey or for a Ukrainian in Egypt, for example. They don’t know how to behave there at all, they drink, they get drunk, they eat to their heart’s content. It is also ashamed of a white man who in Africa believes that he has come to an underdeveloped country and everything is allowed to him. You feel Spanish shame for an Uzbek, Tajik or Turkmen who, in a decent establishment, eats with his hands and wipes his hands on his hair or pants. Many people went abroad and call themselves emigrants. But there is a big difference between migration and emigration, calling yourself an emigrant, and even a political one, you should be ashamed. For foreign countries, by and large, it makes no difference who you are, a migrant! I came from where they speak Russian, which means Russian.

Any Mordovians, small ethnic groups Erzya, Buryats, Kalmyks, Ukrainians, these are all Russians abroad, especially Jews. You used to work in a newspaper, you weren’t allowed to write and were suppressed under a totalitarian regime. Then you cursed your Motherland, which gave you a free education and treated your rotten teeth for free, and flew to America. But it didn’t work out there either; no one needs your diploma from a provincial university.

In addition, disgusting behavior and boorish antics are what they see abroad and attribute it to Russians in general. Are you ashamed that a Russian person is perceived as an uneducated Tatar who is only half Russian? There is a saying that we Tatars are congruent. This means neither honor nor dignity. Or Jews, who for the Germans are also Russians, but came to Germany. It’s a shame to accept handouts from the hands of those who destroyed the Russian people, and at the same time the Jews. But no, they are not ashamed, for some reason we are ashamed.

One person with a sense of increased social responsibility and

With a heightened sense of justice, he wrote me a personal letter today. From everything it was felt that he was lost. For a long time he prayed for one well-known organizer of competitions, with a huge babette-style hairstyle on her head. These were worn in the 60s of the last century, when many of us were not yet born. He wrote that he responded to the offer to take part in the competition, because I saw in this organizer a Philologist with a capital P, who had become a writer from ordinary flight attendants.

He wrote a work of art into which he poured his soul, but now he is completely at a loss. I cannot, he writes, participate in a literary competition for a person who has trampled on the elementary foundations of morality and trampled on faith in himself as a person. “I have, he writes, the feeling that I let a governess into my house, who taught my children fine literature, and then stole the family silver.

Yes, this really happens when you experience Spanish shame not just for someone there, but for someone who is here, next to you. Here you are lying in bed with your wife, and in the next room the housekeeper is sleeping on a folding bed. She came to the city to earn extra money, she had good recommendations. And at night she comes in at the most inopportune moment and stands in the doorway, watching. Apparently, this is what she was hired for. You tut, throw a slipper at her, the next morning she will say there was nothing, answer for slander. The woman was taken out of the village, but the village can never be taken out of the housekeeper.

No matter how you try to pose as a lady from decent society, but if you like to rummage through other people’s underwear and intrigue, you will resort to any meanness and manipulation. Many are fully confident that the so-called persecution of the so-called American journalist of Uzbek-Tatar origin was organized not by Emigrants with a capital E, but by the most so-called respectable compatriots with a vast geography from Voronezh to the Urals. In appearance, everything is pomaded, the bangs are fluffed and filled with varnish, the blush is white, lipstick, and under a thick layer of powder there are traces of syphilis on the skin. Total decay and cancer of the soul….Spanish shame….

What is Spanish shame for you? Have you ever had occasions when you were burning with shame for your former compatriots, or are you simply burning with shame for your fellow citizens now?

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