Today, monogamy rules in most countries, and polygamy is prohibited by law. However, in some states, polygamy (but not polyandry) is still practiced legally. It is legal to take more than one spouse in Indonesia, most African countries and some countries in the Middle East.
So which marriage system suits a person better? To begin with, we will try to find the prerequisites for choice in its evolution, and then we will move on to social factors.
What exactly is polygamy and monogamy?
The desire of scientists to find answers to many questions, especially of a social nature, is respected. But the desire of women's blogs or magazines to cover the topic of polygamy and monogamy causes bewilderment and a smirk.
Such publications initially give incorrect definitions. Or rather, they are not given at all. A priori, it is believed that polygamy is debauchery, the desire of a partner, especially a male, to go to the left. However, this behavior can be called treason, non-consensual behavior, and it has nothing to do with polygamy. As well as the fact that women are supposedly inclined to sit quietly within four walls, wait for their loved ones, nurse children and cook borscht. And this should be called monogamy.
Yes, first of all, you need to understand the concepts.
So, monogamy is a form of marriage in which opposite-sex partners create a union to achieve some goal. For example, caring for offspring.
Polygamy is a form of marriage in which not two but more people participate.
In a polygamous marriage, the sultan husband cares for his many wives and considers himself bound by obligations, albeit broad ones.
If a man is not interested in any long-term relationships, he has many women, and at the same time, and he is not going to bind himself with any obligations, this is called differently. It will not be said in front of decent people.
Yes, we have to admit, such individuals exist. True, they don’t last long, sooner or later they settle down for various reasons: tired, tired, getting married for a change, testosterone is worse (from the age of 25 it decreases by 1% every year). And sometimes they find a woman with whom you want to stay, if not forever, then for a long time. And the lifestyle of a hunter for specimens in his collection itself requires investments - financial, physical and moral.
And at the end of such races there is always emptiness. Oddly enough, the question of why this happens was answered by esotericists. They claim that only sex with a loved one - when the desire comes not from below, but from the heart - fills a person with energy. All other coitus pump this energy out. This is why having multiple sexual partners does not bring true pleasure.
And we also have to admit that such riotous behavior can now be seen not only in men, but also in women. American research data confirms this. Polygamy between men and women is becoming more the exception than the rule.
When asked whether they would like to have sexual intercourse with a stranger, 70% of men answered positively; none of the women wanted to. It would seem that this is reliable evidence that men are polygamous. But further research showed that what the men said was rather a desire, aspiration, rather than the real state of affairs. According to experts, the number of sexual relationships between men and women is approximately the same. So there is no reason to talk about male promiscuity and female fidelity.
Same with polygamy. If a man went to the left, he cannot be called polygamous. If this “to the left” happened, then, a priori, there is some kind of “to the right”, that is, an alliance. And this is monogamy. This is such a substitution of concepts.
Polygamous relationships among women
Polygamy among women also occurs; such cases are known to history. In addition, the female manifestation of this phenomenon is given a specific name, namely polyandry. Today there are several dozen nations in the world, this number is approaching 50, in which it is considered normal for one woman to have several spouses. For example, this is practiced by the Eskimos and the Indian population. If we consider India, the emergence of polyandry is explained in most cases by gender considerations. Many families are against the birth of a daughter; they decide to have abortions, the reason for this being the impossibility or unwillingness to prepare a dowry. As a result, today in India there are many times fewer women than men. In fact, this phenomenon is typical not for the whole country, but for the outback.
In Polynesia or Nigeria, polygamous relationships, in which a woman has the right to several partners, are officially legalized. In Tibet, the situation with polyandry is due to the fact that many families do not want to part with their household. For example, with the land that feeds them, so adult sons marry the same girl and stay in their home. Previously, polyandry also occurred in Venezuela. A woman was allowed to cohabit with two spouses at the same time; when she gave birth to a son, she had no idea who his father was. Therefore, the father’s obligations fell on two men at once, which had a positive effect on the growing child.
About male and female polygamy2
Exactly the same substitution, or rather, even just a dump of definitions, occurs when it comes to the fact that a woman is monogamous by nature, and a man, due to the same nature, is polygamous.
But do not forget that monogamy is the process of creating a nuclear couple, and polygamy is a family with a large number of partners. Then it turns out that women pair up with each other, and men mate with their own kind, walking recklessly. Some kind of phantasmagoria, but most likely, an elementary reluctance to understand the essence of the issue. Or conscious manipulation.
What will the scientists say?3
No matter how much I would like to rely on the conclusions of serious people, this time it will not work. Scientists have been studying the issues of polygamy and monogamy for a long time, but no definitive answers have been received. What is the nature of these phenomena? And which person is biologically and anthropologically monogamous or polygamous?
Latest findings:
- 1231 communities were studied. It turned out that in 186 of them monogamy reigned, in 453 - polygamy at a certain time, in 588 - frequent cases of polygamy, in 4 - polyandry.
- In Sweden, studies have shown the impossibility of monogamy, which is inherent in genes.
- The British School of Economics and Political Science found that the higher a man's IQ, the less he cheats.
Apparently, despite the efforts of scientists, no answer has been received to the above questions.
It must be admitted that there is an abundance of research on this issue. There are even more observations. For example.
Scientists say that man is a monogamous creature. Anthropologists have found evidence that in the most ancient times people lived in pairs. Therefore, monogamy has lived in man since ancient times?
Other studies refute this postulate.
For example, in the vastness of the Russian Empire there was such a custom as daughter-in-law (when a father-in-law had sex with his son’s wife if he left the family for a long time). Ritual orgies are still carried out in many tribes of the planet. Young people living on the island of Mangaia entertain themselves with promiscuity. In India, some tribes have common dormitories for girls and boys, boys and girls. Polygamy and polyandry are practiced in Tibet. There are many examples. And they all originate in centuries-old folk traditions that are not similar to monogamy.
Religion and culture4
Yes, undoubtedly, the church has always stood guard over morality. This institute has always been for monogamy, and has never stumbled. And the first monogamous family was Adam and Eve. This means that you need to live your whole life like this – just the two of you. Everything seems clear. Why are priests still fighting for purity of morals? For so many centuries, men and women have not been persuaded to live a righteous life. What is the reason?
No answer yet. But biologists have contributed to the debate. After conducting observations, we found out interesting facts. As is known, monogamous pairs are created in 5% of animals and about 90% of birds. Obviously, this is explained by the fact that this is the best way to raise offspring - while she sits in the nest, he gets food. This happens, for example, with swans, known for their fidelity.
So the data suggests that 30% of the eggs that the swan hatches contain the DNA of not the betrothed, but the visiting fellow. So much for swan loyalty. But this is not the most surprising thing. The fact that the pullet was unfaithful was revealed through laboratory tests. Ornithologists watching the couple did not notice the moment when the beauty went to the left. Conclusion: she did it secretly from her partner, and so successfully that even the people watching didn’t notice.
Perhaps the same thing happens to people. Certain evolutionary processes push those who are married to look the other way. And no church or other organization will stop them.
In the animal world
- Swans . These majestic birds have long become symbols of love, and for good reason. The pairs they form exist for many years and even until the death of one of the individuals.
- Penguins . For many years, penguins live in pairs and raise their offspring.
- Beavers. Hardworking animal builders are amazingly loyal. When the beaver expects offspring and raises them, the beaver, in turn, looks for food. They raise the newborn for two whole years, after which they release him.
- Wolves. Another animal that is more devoted to its partner than many people. If for some reason the male dies, his female remains alone for life. The male always stands up for his partner and protects her.
- Voles. It turns out that common prairie voles are also monogamous. When they choose a mate, their body produces a special hormone that affects certain areas of the brain. Thus, the rodent does not pay attention to other females.
Is polygamy the norm of human life?5
In order to answer this question, you need to delve a little deeper into the topic.
There are several types of polygamy - polyandry (polyandry), polygyny (polygamy), group marriage (for example, swinging).
So, if we assume that polygamy is the natural state of man, what will come of it, if we fantasize, but logically?
Polyandry
One woman for several men, only she is wanted and loved, only she is given valuables in a beak. There are people who work in production and at home, and people who take care of one’s beauty. What remains? Love yourself and... give birth without interruption. Such a society would probably be rich, since the main spenders - women - are few. But small quantities create huge demand. This would lead to a struggle for the woman and ultimately a wave of violence. If not all women in society were wives of many husbands, then some would be sex slaves.
This state of affairs would be beautiful on the outside, but internal contradictions would nullify all achievements. Society would fall.
Polygyny
In this case there would be more women. And they would have to take care of all matters - male and female. In addition, due to the lack of men, the population would begin to fall. This is provided that men who were not sultans would be exterminated. If not, then dire social problems arise again. It is unlikely that such a society could exist for long.
Group marriage
There are equal numbers of women and men, all able to have sex with each other in any order. In this case, the problem of children arises. There will be no question about who is mom, but who is dad is always the question. Men will not want to take on extra responsibility, fearing that the child is someone else's. And conflicts over various property and personal issues cannot be avoided.
One conclusion can be drawn: with any type of polygamy, strict power from the outside is needed, almost violence, in order to maintain the order of things, and this means that there is no smell of naturalness and normality here.
And scientists add that it was with the advent of the institution of the monogamous family in society that the development of our civilization took place. Coincidence? It doesn’t seem like there are still tribes on this planet in which polygamy is common, but they have remained small tribes occupying a small space. Whereas our civilization, which is based on monogamy, populates the entire Earth and numbers billions.
Positive aspects of monogamy
No matter how attractive polygamy may seem, it is destructive and destructive, first of all, for the individual himself. Torn between several connections, a person loses his “I”, its integrity and depth. In contrast to this, monogamy is peace, confidence in the future. Living by the rules set by society, the couple does not succumb to condemnation. She is understood and recognized: such people are welcome to see in any home, the owners are not afraid that the free principles of friends can negatively affect their significant other.
In addition, spouses who maintain monogamous relationships are healthier than their more liberated counterparts. They know that they are the only ones and are loved, so they do not experience fear or discomfort. They have no competition, which means there is no constant stress or neuroses. In such families there are fewer quarrels and conflicts: people do not feel the risk of family breakdown. Instead, they feel complete unity with the chosen one. I want to open my soul and heart to my other half, to give her all the tenderness, care and love.
Sex and polygamy6
Still, the question of polygamy for men begins where there were sexual relations on the side.
Psychologists note that this occurs where there is uncertainty and instability. If a woman does not let a man feel her strength, then he gains through “left” sexual connections, which precisely give the feeling of victory.
The same can be said about a woman. She always wants to feel wanted and needed. The lack of this in the alliance forces us to look elsewhere.
It turns out that this is a psychological problem, nothing more. Relationship problem. And we need to learn how to build them, and not discuss polygamy.
Research supports the idea. Surveys have shown that 25% of young people say they are faithful to their partner. Among older people – 40%.
Russian researchers note that 63% of people of both sexes do not recognize infidelity as the norm. 34% of men and 16% of women are calm about infidelity. But almost everyone is sure that relationships can and should be built in a nuclear family. Just don’t let it get to the point where it becomes both boring and sad together.
On the issue of magazines and blogs 7
So what about those who stigmatize husbands who cheated on their virgin wives? Well, it is already clear that they are not so blameless from an evolutionary point of view, just like men. But if we leave evolution alone, are there reasons for male infidelity? Some:
1. Psychologists say that by cheating, a man tries to increase his self-esteem.
2. Another reason is the costs of upbringing: lack of attention from parents or excess from the female side.
3. And most importantly - dissatisfaction with marriage and relationships, lack of mental and physical intimacy with a partner.
But all these problems do not relate to the issue of polygamy and monogamy. Why do the debates and discussions around this topic still not subside? Researchers claim that in this way people are looking for an excuse for themselves - men for cheating, and women for not knowing how to build relationships. As soon as a modern person learns to be at peace with himself, raise children in love, create and not destroy, the question of what polygamy and monogamy are, and how they affect our lives, will disappear by itself. But it won't be soon.
Monogamous man
If women are usually monogamous by nature, then meeting a representative of the stronger sex with this predisposition is truly rare. Although exceptions do happen. A man who remains faithful to his wife does not experience discomfort. He is truly happy: next to him is his beloved woman, who is at the same time a faithful comrade and a reliable ally. He is satisfied with everything in life. The man understands that good is not sought from good, so monogamy reigns in his house. This is the case when the spouse is usually reasonable and intelligent or an incorrigible romantic. He is completely focused on his chosen one and does not waste time on casual relationships.
It seems to us that such a husband would be ideal. But, as practice shows, in such families the percentage of female infidelity is very high. After all, the absence of trips “to the left” does not guarantee that the husband will provide for the family, help with the housework, be well-groomed, passionate, gentle, and so on. Therefore, many women are ready to turn a blind eye to their spouse’s polygamy, as long as he performs all the functions assigned to him by society. Of course, a monogamous relationship is the destination to strive for. But if there are pitfalls and obstacles along the way, don’t be discouraged. Struggle - only this path will lead you to the desired victory, strengthen your relationship and make it truly strong.
