Mobbing and bullying: reasons and recommendations for parents

Adviсe

• Reasons for mobbing – who is chosen as a victim?
• Types of mobbing
• Consequences of mobbing at work
• How to avoid becoming a victim of mobbing
• How to deal with mobbers

Mobbing at work is emotional abuse that is carried out by colleagues, subordinates or superiors. People around spread non-existent rumors, humiliate, ignore the victim, and intimidate. Thus, the physical and mental condition of a person worsens. Are there methods to combat such terror at work?

Bullying and mobbing: differences between concepts

As we wrote above, mobbing is a confrontation between a group and one person.
In other words, they find an outcast in the team and begin to persecute him in every possible way. Unfortunately, this phenomenon is spreading very quickly and occurs most often in work communities. Not uncommon in children's rooms either. What does it look like? For example, you found a new job that you really like. For several days everything went well - your colleagues were nice and friendly and it seemed that you were accepted into the team. However, after some time, you began to notice that they forgot to remind you about the meeting, or important information disappeared from your computer, and the like.

Other examples of mobbing at work include the following:

1. Hostility towards you from colleagues;
2. Colleagues do not greet you or discuss work issues in front of you;
3. Rumors are being spread about you that have no basis;
4. Your superiors underestimate you and question your professionalism;
5. A pregnant woman is being bullied at work;
6. In your presence, colleagues allow themselves to make unkind jokes about you.

Surely you have encountered similar phenomena at least once. Mobbing employees occurs with the goal of humiliating you or, worse, ultimately getting you fired. Few people are willing to tolerate such an attitude towards themselves, so in the end, a person has to look for a new place of work.

There are similarities between these two concepts: both bullying and mobbing imply bullying in a team, psychological violence against a person. However, there is a significant difference. If during mobbing one person is confronted by a whole group of people, then during bullying it is only one person.

Understanding the reason for such behavior on the part of your colleague is not easy. Perhaps you took his position, for which he applied before you. Or the reason lies elsewhere - in personal hostility. And it can also happen when the boss becomes a subordinate. In any case, you should be attentive to such situations, since even one person can ruin your reputation at work.

In general, the psychological climate in a team is very important. Even material values ​​recede into the background if you are very friendly with your colleagues. Therefore, bullying and mobbing can significantly complicate your professional activities.

The psychology of mobbing has not been fully studied. It is still unclear why people choose victims of emotional abuse at work. Below we will try to figure out what may be a prerequisite for such behavior among colleagues.

There is often confusion about terms of American origin. Mobbing in translation means “crowd”, bullying – “offender, bully”. Although in some interpretations, for example, taken from Wikipedia, bullying is psychological terror of the entire team or part of it. But then it turns out that there is no semantic difference between the 2 terms. Therefore, most people lean towards option 1:

1. Mobbing is the persecution of a “victim” in which all members of the team or several colleagues take part.
2. Bullying is aggressive behavior towards an objectionable person on the part of one employee with the tacit approval of colleagues.

In a group of people engaged in collective work, one can observe the phenomenon of bossing. This is psychological pressure on a subordinate, initiated by the leader. More often this happens against the backdrop of obvious success in work achieved by the newcomer. Worried that he might be caught, the boss is looking for ways to get rid of a talented employee.

What is harassment and how does it manifest itself?

Harassment – ​​this term most often means sexual harassment. It includes both obvious sexual claims, and hidden, veiled (hints), and even indirect (when your condition worsens due to the fact that you witness harassment of a colleague).

A situation of harassment can be recognized in the following cases:

– harassment can take the form of mobbing, when various kinds of sexual provocations are organized specifically and aimed at ensuring the survival of someone from the team;

– gender insults, who thinks “with what organ” and does what “through what place”, how and what they achieve (through bed), etc.;

– indecent jokes, comments, compliments of a sexual nature;

– direct or indirect calls for privacy in the smoking room/kitchen/toilet, dinners leading into breakfast, etc.;

– proposals to resolve work issues through trips to the country, trips to a restaurant, etc.;

– promises of promotion or transfer to other positions in exchange for services of a sexual nature, both veiled and direct;

– coercion to have sex or encouragement to change one’s appearance (make-up, clothes, hairstyle) to a more sexual one through the threat of demotion, transfer or dismissal;

– unregulated touching, including pressing in the elevator, transport, stroking arms, shoulders, etc.

Reasons for mobbing

In most cases, an unwanted employee himself provokes aggression from employees. This happens involuntarily or on purpose on his part (depending on his character traits and the choice of methods of “maneuvers”, how he can show his best side). The reasons for mobbing at work are as follows:

1. A clear contrast and standing out from the crowd (unusual actions, major achievements, competition with one’s own superiority). A prerequisite for psychological pressure is elementary envy of a successful colleague.
2. Ignoring meetings, corporate parties.
3. Compliance with the character traits of the “victim” (tearfulness, touchiness, whining, desire to curl up into a ball, hide in a corner, avoid everyone’s attention).

Mobbing in an organization, school or any other group is by no means uncommon. Quite often, a victim of psychological violence needs the help of a psychologist to understand the reason for such pressure. Only by understanding what lies behind this behavior can you avoid repeating situations in the future.

Let's consider some points that can provoke mobbing in a team.

Envy

Someone may reproach you, saying that you yourself are to blame for the bullying, that, they say, you cannot have such outstanding appearance, charisma, abilities, you cannot be too young or, conversely, old; You can’t say what you think; You cannot talk about your successes in the professional field and in your personal life.

In other words, you cannot stand out in any way, so as not to arouse envy among your superiors and colleagues. Of course, you can try to “damp down” in one way or another your advantages, which have turned into shortcomings, but where can you get away from yourself? How to learn not to broadcast to people your triumph of possessing undoubted virtues?

If you are modest and quiet and do not arouse the envy of your colleagues, then you can easily become the next victim of a psychological rapist. A boss who humiliates his subordinates is, as a rule, a flawed person who solves his own psychological problems through the suffering of people dependent on him. The boss who is screaming and insulting you is a lonely or not lonely woman who, as a rule, is assigned the role of a “scapegoat” in her family.

At home, she is forced to put up with the betrayal or tyranny of her husband, parents, and the rudeness of her children, and at work, her “appointed” employee, a full-time “scapegoat” or “scapegoat” on probation, is responsible for her humiliation in the family. Men who humiliate employees also, as a rule, experience various psychological difficulties.

Maybe you should feel sorry for them all and, when you get a new job, immediately begin to mentally feel sorry for your boss, put yourself in his position when, for example, he yells at you? They say that sympathy (like love and hate) is transmitted over a distance... But with such “sympathy”, how can one avoid crossing the line beyond which begins a condition that psychologists have dubbed “Stockholm Syndrome”?

It follows from the previous point. “You’re the boss - I’m a fool, I’m the boss - you’re a fool!” and “I suffered, and now you suffer too!” – army hazing in its purest form. "Grandfathers" spread rot on the "newcomers", but it cannot be any other way, and it should not be. A kind of reverse Cargo cult: white people’s planes are also made of straw, only they “pretend” to be better.

This is probably the main problem of Russian society, with its slave mentality, which has not yet been overcome (and when has it ever been eradicated?) It is not without reason that as soon as the “shackles fell,” the main cell of the nascent civil society immediately became an organized criminal group (OCG) with its desire to humiliate in order to subjugate.

Mobbing - signs

The term mobbing was first mentioned by biologist Konrad Lorenz. He observed the habits of herbivores and saw that, instead of fleeing from a predator, they attacked him in a group. Psychologist Hanz Leyman conducted similar studies at the end of the 20th century among people working in teams. The essence of mobbing is the hostile, immoral actions of a group of people towards one employee. There are 45 variations of this behavior. The main ones are:

• insulation;
• constant criticism;
• false rumors;
• ridicule;
• actions on the sly (pouring glue on an important document, breaking a chair, allegedly accidentally spilling coffee on clothes, etc.).

• Your professional qualities are not taken into account: they do not celebrate your achievements, but call them into question, and underestimate the significance of your professional victories that work for the common cause.
• They are happy to find and note mistakes in your work and exaggerate their significance.
• They give you difficult work that you most likely will not be able to complete within the specified time frame.
• Requires work to be performed overtime or on weekends.
• They don’t have a direct conversation with you, even on work issues, and ignore your suggestions.
• They don’t allow you to take initiative that benefits the common cause and your career growth.
• They make comments to you that are not related to the performance of your official duties, for example, about your makeup or the color of nail polish.
• Suddenly, pretending to be a “friend,” they begin to sympathetically ask you about your family, about plans to expand the family.
• They begin to bring your colleagues whom you considered your friends and like-minded people closer to you.
• They call you in and tell you how difficult the economic situation is and how difficult it is to manage such a large team without “losses.”
• They allow you to make inappropriate jokes and remarks that you, due to your upbringing or subordination, cannot respond to.
• They set you up by claiming that they gave you verbal orders or placed important documents on your desk, when in fact they did not.
• They make important orders, exclude you from the general email list, and then accuse you of negligence.
• Suddenly they give you “out of turn” leave in the midst of your workday or an academic “sabbatical leave”, during which your responsibilities are distributed among other employees, the lecture load is given to other teachers, and in particularly advanced cases they even hand over your desktop and computer along with yours. duties to another employee.
• They hold meetings in your absence at which issues related to you are raised and put to a general vote.
• In your absence, they meet with those who support you and find “arguments” to win your colleagues or students to their side.
• If you actively resist these “signs,” they begin to spread deliberately false information about you, preparing “public opinion” not only in your team, but perhaps even in your professional environment.

• They stop sharing the “latest news” with you, and then they don’t include you in the general mailing list.
• You feel “tightness” in communication even with those with whom it was easy and pleasant to communicate.
• You realize that someone “broke into” your computer while you were away and rearranged papers on your desk.
• The secretary stops smiling at you and helping you make photocopies, and “forgets” to inform you about important meetings and report dates.
• Your boss’s “sixes” suddenly begin to make personal comments to you, to teach you about life, although previously there were no these condescending and patronizing intonations in their conversations.
• People started looking at you differently. This is difficult to convey, but a sensitive and attentive person should feel these negative “vibes”, but at the same time not drive away “bad thoughts” from himself, but include them in his daily analysis. (Activate all your “working qualities” - scent, cunning and ingenuity - as soon as you sense something is wrong and you feel uncomfortable being at work for no apparent reason).
• You realized/learned that your colleagues and “friends” deprived you of important information that you need for work.
• For some reason they start telling you how some employee is “even worse” and you need to put yourself in his position. In this case, only you must “enter”.
• Over time, they stop communicating with you and become silent when you enter a room where colleagues are sitting.
• If you have taken countermeasures (for example, turned to your superiors for help), then be prepared not only for quiet meanness “behind your back,” but for furious aggression from colleagues, which can manifest itself in angry speeches at general meetings and sessions . They will accuse you of all mortal sins, defame you, make you an “enemy of the people,” a saboteur who goes against the collective. They will turn your allies against you and slander you to your students and colleagues.
• If, after all this, you still find the strength to work in this team, then, most likely, your colleagues, with direct input from their superiors, will begin to prove to you that they were right and all the accusations against you are fair. To prove your guilt, all means will be used - direct forgery, concealment of work information, etc.
• The team, in which everyone did not really like each other, rallies in a single impulse against a common enemy. When everyone suddenly begins to “be friends against you,” you must understand that mobbing on the part of your colleagues could not have taken place and had such a scale if there had not been a “puppeteer” behind it.

If any of the above is happening in your life now, this does not mean that you are already a victim of mobbing. This means that you are faced with a choice: you can quickly become a victim of mobbing if you doubt and rush around, or you can stop everything at once and quit; You can “sit it out” while you look for a new job, or you can join the fight, but then you need to understand very well why you will be doing this and what it will cost you and your family.

But until you understand that the “crowd” is ready to sacrifice you, you are absolutely defenseless. When you understand this, you will be able to fight back, fight and maybe even win. But you need to understand this as quickly as possible and take action immediately. And don’t waste time re-reading this article in order to compare the signs of mobbing and their dynamics with what is happening at your work. Take action!

Teaching methods

Distance learning makes it possible to combine professional responsibilities with the process of acquiring new knowledge. Having only a computer with Internet access at your disposal, you will be able to communicate with teachers and fellow students, participate in webinars, study text lectures, educational audio and video recordings. At the same time, you will be in a familiar environment and set your own time and duration of classes. An additional advantage of distance learning is the absence of expenses associated with daily trips to the educational institution.

Phases of development of mobbing in a team

If a newcomer does something objectionable against the “leader,” mobbing gradually gains strength. At first, these are cautious attempts (it is unknown how else the “outcast” will respond). If there is no resistance or it is too weak, the aggression of the members of the “herd” gains momentum. The sequence of phases of development of mobbing in a team looks something like this:

1. Laughs and gossip behind your back.
2. Cautious notes.
3. Angry, aggressive criticism (the more employees are involved in this “show,” the more productive results mobbing produces).
4. Physical harassment (beating up when returning home in the evening, tripping someone up, burning them with a hot drink, etc.).

The cause of bullying may be a previously unresolved conflict with colleagues, which entails a deterioration in the psychological climate in the team. The conflict can be either due to work activity or due to personal hostility. Mobbing a newbie, according to statistics, is the most common phenomenon.

Search for "victim"

This is one of the very first stages. They find the culprit of the situation and begin to show aggression towards him. Of course, under such conditions a person may experience an emotional breakdown, which plays into the hands of his colleagues. As a result, the situation is getting worse.

Active stage

More and more often, the “victim of mobbing” becomes the center of ridicule and cruel jokes, they are becoming more and more regular. No matter what situation a person finds himself in, the team still does not accept him and constantly criticizes him. The “victim” of psychological mobbing begins to feel depressed, and their health may even deteriorate.

Isolation stage

At this stage, the “victim” is no longer perceived as a member of the team. The person is not invited to corporate events or birthdays, and people communicate with him less and less. This leads to a person’s emptiness and reluctance to work. As a result, both emotional and physical health deteriorate, the “victim” begins to get sick more often and miss work.

Dismissal from work

At this stage, the employee no longer wants to remain in the workplace and quits. In conditions of pressure from colleagues, it is difficult to force yourself to work.

Mobbing at work - how to fight?

Before you decide to leave the gladiatorial arena to true, experienced office fighters and start looking for a new job, try to understand the situation. After all, trying to resolve a conflict rather than turn away from it is also an invaluable part of your professional experience.

As you know, everyone, even terrible monsters, has vulnerabilities - remember vampires and garlic. With business ghouls, however, everything is somewhat more complicated, and you can’t get rid of them with a bunch of spices. Therefore, you should adopt other techniques. 1. Keep a diary of negative moments. Write down everything / that worries you in your relationship with your colleagues or boss.

For example: “Today they forgot to give me the boss’s order. After being called to the carpet, Anya K. and Vera T. were jubilant. But Masha suggested we go down and have coffee.” By analyzing the records, you can get a lot of useful information.

First, understand how adequate your claims are to your colleagues. Is the pressure on their part a system or isolated, unrelated incidents of unfriendly behavior.

Second, identify who is clearly on your side. You will also identify those who have antipathy to what is happening in the team, but do not speak out loud. Perhaps, deep down in their hearts, they even sympathize with you and regret that you undeservedly got into such a turn. Try to create your own support group, if necessary, you can rely on it.

2. Right now, it is important to be more attentive than ever to your direct responsibilities and not to allow mistakes in the form of half-hour delays and leisurely lunches, the plan of which also includes visits to a masseuse and a solarium. Focus on the task as much as possible. Repeat to yourself that you are a professional, and no mobbing at work can unsettle you. And don’t give up your trump cards to vampires to discredit you. Let them “work” themselves.

3. Never start shouting. A public scandal is a real name day for a colleague who is opposed to you. In addition, he has a chance to turn into a victim in need of universal consolation and support against you, an evil upstart. Don't give him such a holiday.

4. This path is the most difficult. It consists in the fact that you step on the throat of your own song and turn your persecutor... into an ally. You can turn to him for professional advice, making it clear how much you value his help. In this case, the mobber initially takes pleasure in the fact that he seems to be condescending to the victim.

And in the process of your joint actions and negotiations, try to have a more frank conversation with him. As absurd as it sounds, this is the path that works quite often. You completely disarm your opponent by gently and without resistance removing the sword from his hands, and offer a peace pipe in return.

Many cannibals unconsciously begin to respect their former victim, who is not like a snail, capable of only crawling into its house in a situation of danger. But this method is only suitable if you are confident in your inner psychological flexibility and do not perceive this tactic as a personal insult. After all, it's just a role-playing game.

5. The last option that is worth deciding on, if you cannot resolve the conflict on your own, is to turn to your superior boss as an arbitrator. True, the appeal to the fact that “the master is smart, he will judge”, alas, rarely bears fruit. In addition, there is a risk that the entire team will begin to perceive you as an “informer” without going too deeply into the details of the story.

Be prepared for the fact that the boss is not eager to abandon all current affairs and roll up his sleeves and begin to understand the intricacies of the conflict. True, if you are a valuable employee and the company is counting on you, and also if it is important for you not to quit this job at all costs, it is worth a try. One way or another, you don't lose anything.

Keep in mind that all these strategies can only help you if you are facing a newbie mobster who has no support in the team. If you encounter an experienced cannibal or even an entire clan of man-eaters, then the most reasonable thing you can do is to leave this company as soon as possible. Despite any carrots in the form of a high salary, a resonant position and a whole fan of additional bonuses.

After all, if management condones this state of affairs, then, most likely, distorted, ineffective management models are at work here from the very beginning. This means that there is a high probability that you are in the boat of losers, where your professional growth will always be hampered, because the interests of the business are the last thing that worries the team.

In any situation, before leaving, you need to try to find a way out. Mobbing in the workplace can be overcome using the advice of psychologists.

Analysis of the situation

If you have become a victim of mobbing, then first of all try to understand why this happened. It's never too late to quit your job and find a new job, but where is the guarantee that this won't happen again?

Self confidence

If you see that, according to all the signs of mobbing, you are the victim of psychological violence, then it’s time to prove to everyone that you are worthy of working here. Become not just a super employee, but prove to everyone that you are irreplaceable. More self-confidence and less attention to your “good” colleagues.

Control of the situation

Never relax. The closest attention is being paid to you now, so there should be no mistakes on your part. This is out of the question. Be attentive to any words and actions of your colleagues - do not trust their unexpected goodwill towards you. Not so simple.

It’s one thing to ignore grins and not pay attention to caustic attacks. It’s quite another to allow people to “wipe their feet on you.” Confidently and calmly discuss what you are not happy with. Quiet silence in this situation will not work to your advantage.

Dialogue with colleagues

Often, a frank conversation with your colleagues is the best help when mobbing. Ask directly what doesn’t suit them about you and try to get out of the current situation together. It is in your hands to establish relationships with them.

One never becomes a victim of mobbing out of the blue. Both sides are to blame. You gave a reason, colleagues took advantage of it. Be smarter and wiser - learn to listen more than talk.

If you are a newbie, your colleagues are most likely testing your strength. Apparently, this is how it is customary to “greet” all new employees. Do not allow yourself to be bullied, stop even attempts to do so. Sometimes a tough rebuff is more effective than silence. Put your colleagues in their place right away.

Job change

If nothing helps, and you are still the “black sheep” in the team, then think - do you really need this job? Why would you waste your time on something that no one values? It's time to find another suitable place where you will be respected more. Don’t be afraid to change jobs – psychological health is much more important than material values. Any psychologist will tell you this.

A thorough analysis of the current situation and mental playback of possible scenarios will help you avoid stupid mistakes. You should evaluate how your boss feels about mobbing at work. If he is characterized by patience, goodwill, and respect for people, then it is better to immediately turn to him with a request to sort out the situation.

Mobbing in a team is nipped in the bud. If this does not help, then you should try to ignore the negativity addressed to you and not notice the attacks of the offenders. They expect at least some kind of reaction. If she is not there, the “hunters” get bored and look for another “prey”. Personnel mobbing is a changeable phenomenon.

The last sad scenario: leaving a job you hate. The problem of mobbing in a team makes you lose moral and physical strength. Nervous exhaustion can reach the point where the victim is frightened by every rustle, suffers from insomnia, and fears for his life. Therefore, it is better to change jobs than to try to change your attitude towards yourself, where it is useless.

But at the same time, you need to take into account previous mistakes and think through the course of action in advance. If the “victim” continues to struggle with unfair treatment, but “things are still there,” mobbing can result in prolonged depression and suicide. The problem of how to resist mobbing, in this case, is no longer solved in this world.

It’s another matter when mobbing at work occurs with the tacit approval of the manager. Here the “victim” is left alone with himself. The sure-fire course of action is to put the leader in an awkward position, using his own weapon. The main thing is the ability to regulate relationships in a team. The leader becomes the one who has more advantages in this regard.

Unlike open, obvious terror, latent mobbing is carried out gradually. More often this is social isolation and ignoring the achievements of the “victim”. They survive it slowly, but with enviable tenacity. This happens when a manager and an employee close to him insult and criticize an outcast without the goal of publicly discrediting him.

Books about mobbing

Psychological terror can turn a healthy person into a disabled person or cause his premature death - these are real facts that are reported from time to time by the media. Awareness on this issue, knowledge of the necessary psychological moves, and the ability to abstract from the situation will help stop mobbing in the organization. Instructive books:

1. Aja Mayron “Why me? The story of the white crow."
2. Morrine Duffy, Len Sperry "Bullying in the Workplace and How to Combat It."
3. Krista Koloday “Psycho-terror in the workplace and methods for overcoming it.”

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