Infantility is... Signs of infantility. How to get rid of immaturity

general information

In psychology, infantilism is the presence of immaturity in development in adults, accompanied by the preservation of childish behavior or in external distinctive features that are similar to previous stages of development.

The infantile personality contains dominant incorrect behavior in which it cannot take responsibility for its actions and does not know how to solve life’s problems on its own, and also has no life goal.

During this state, an adult person begins to behave similar to a child. People with an infantile character trait can often be found in a psychologist’s office, since this illness causes other unfavorable qualities to appear that interfere with normal life. A person can overcome infantilism, but to do this he will have to make a lot of effort.

It can be noted that during a meeting between mature people and people prone to infantilism, conflict situations may arise.

Infants do not have the skill of adapting to circumstances, which is why they do not communicate well with others. Most often, infantile people try to communicate with people who, in their attitude, are similar to the infantile’s parents. When communicating with other people, he risks getting into a conflict situation.

When a love period begins, an infantile woman or man tries to find a partner who reminds them of their father or mother. There are cases when parents create a couple for them. Basically, infantile people have a partner who is older and more successful than them. In such a situation, another nuance appears in which biological parents can come into conflict with their child’s partner, since the partner begins to occupy their priority place in the child’s life.

Types of infantilism

It is divided into various spheres of life.

1. Physiological . Infantile people lag behind in the development of the physical body.
2. Psychic . Delayed psycho-emotional development is manifested in a refusal to behave according to one’s age.
3. Sexual . Delayed sexual development of the genitals or frigidity in later life.
4. Social . It is expressed in the inability to adapt to life in the conditions of the surrounding society.
5. Legal . This type of infantilism means that a person, in his desire to achieve a goal, does not take into account the laws of society and generally accepted rules.

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Mental infantilism

First introduced in the 19th century by the German Anton. The diagnosis of infantilism in this area means a lag in the development of the psycho-emotional sphere of a person. The causes of deviations can be mild brain injuries, including in the womb. The second factor in the formation of the disease is the costs of education (overprotection, despotism, etc.). Signs of this type:

• there is greater suggestibility;
• there is lack of independence;
• pleasure is realized through play;
• there is carelessness in the character;
• no sense of duty;
• mental infantilism syndrome manifests itself in the inability to restrain emotions;
• there is a reluctance to obey.

Physiological infantilism

The reasons for the lag in the development of the human physical body may be a consequence of improper development of the fetus in the womb:

• hypothermia;
• oxygen starvation;
• fetal poisoning.

An infant of this type has the following disadvantages in the development of his body:

• muscle tone is reduced;
• as a result – untimely transition to independent breathing;
• immune protection below average;
• the heel reflex is weak;
• Visible structural defects may be present.

Social infantilism

Characterized by the immaturity of a person as a member of society. Developmental retardation in this case is manifested in the following categories:

• formation of moral principles;
• development of self-awareness;
• making and implementing life decisions and goals;
• adaptation in society.

The role of the victim is typical for infants of this type. They have a highly developed sense of insecurity. They are unable to be critical of their behavior. On the other hand, they are not at all independent in decisions. The person is poorly oriented in the social life of society. He is overly influenced by the crowd, in some cases false. A typical representative suffering from infantilism is a man over 40 years old who lives with his mother and has never had his own family.

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Causes of infantilism

The main reason for the emergence of infantile qualities in an adult person is a problematic upbringing in childhood or the person’s parents were infantile individuals.

We already know who an infantile person is and what this term means, but here’s what you can learn about him from psychologists:

Psychologists agree that infantilism begins with the educational process, at the time of growing up from 8 years to the age of 15 when being in unfavorable conditions. The first stage will be rebellion towards parents, manifestation of hysteria, manipulation, irresponsibility for learning.

1. A child's copying of his parents' behavior model.
2. Manifestation of excessive care on the part of parents. The child lacks the skill of making independent decisions.
3. Excessive control, imposing one's own opinion or point of view on a child.
4. A small amount of time devoted to raising a child, due to work or other matters. Often, parental education is replaced by a computer, social networks, listening to music tracks, and so on... During this period, the child takes an illusory view of life as universally permissible. He understands that he has the ability to manipulate others.
5. There is a theory about the bad influence of the current school education system on the formation of the child’s psyche. The education system is fixated on acquiring knowledge, without paying due attention to the educational process. A child grows up without understanding morality and ethics, does not understand the differences in what is good and what is bad. This subsequently leads to immaturity and childishness.

Important! Parents, who have a strong influence on the child as he grows up with their total control of his actions, excessive care and concern, are not able to stop this pattern of behavior towards their child even after he grows up. Looking at their adult child, they see him as a baby and cannot do anything about it. They interfere in his personal life, pester him with constant calls and interfere with all his actions with advice. A person with an infantile trait cannot resist such attacks from parents, due to fear of responsibility and lack of independence in his life.

Infantilism and ideas about it

Often, in the minds of others, infantilism is not a deviation of behavior, but simply a discrepancy with the expectations of critics. The evaluation criteria are completely subjective. Responsible and serious people may consider representatives of creative professions childish only on the grounds that their lifestyle looks chaotic and disorganized. Old people often believe that young people who are in no hurry to start a family are childish and do not want to burden themselves with responsibility.

But such claims are just confirmation of unfulfilled expectations. Each person has their own idea of ​​what exactly an adult should be. But such stereotyped images are far from objectivity. They are based solely on general experience and on existing stereotypes in society.

Manifestation of immaturity

Infantility manifests itself in different ways and in different situations. It affects a person’s attitude towards their own health, and their thoughts about starting a family. The thinking of an infantile person is similar to the thinking of a child. You can notice an immature personality both by his social skills and from the psychological side. Characteristic signs of infantilism show:

• Lack of decision-making skills without outside influence;
• Fear of independence;
• Unpredictability;
• Showing irresponsibility;
• Manifestation of egocentrism with selfishness;
• No life aspirations;
• Manifestation of a tendency to various types of addictions;
• Inadequacy;
• Problems with education;
• Inability to adapt to circumstances;
• Lack of social skills;
• Communication problems.

Also, an infantile person is distinguished by the peculiarities of his behavior:

• This type of people is not inclined to take responsibility for their own actions. They will be happy to hide behind the backs of friends and relatives when consequences occur.
• The infant adheres to a life of play. He is passionate about shopping, attends entertainment events, and is prone to gambling addiction.
• He does not possess the skill of self-analysis and is a closed person. Because of this trait, there are problems in communicating and understanding other people, due to different views on what is happening in life.
• Does not take into account the interests of others. Because of this action, he often faces difficulties in society. It is difficult for him to make new acquaintances and, in general, to communicate with others. Often, from such persons you can hear the following phrase: no one understands me.
• There are absolutely no goals in life. Living one day at a time is his motto.
• Does not have the skill of planning for the future. Doesn't know how to set goals and achieve them. Subject to joy for results that satisfy his needs here and now.
• Infantes are mostly low-income people and do not have career growth.

To be completely sure that there is an infantile object in front of you, pay attention to how he communicates with his family. With equal rights and care shown to them, everything is fine. When observing strong guardianship on the part of parents, when one’s own point of view is imposed, this is an indicator of the presence of infantile qualities in the object.

Who is a procrastinator: positive and negative qualities

Infantile or just different?

An adult differs from an adult child in the ability to recognize himself as the main culprit of both success and failure. But this quality usually does not manifest itself outwardly in any way, so it is difficult to draw a conclusion about someone’s immaturity based only on criticism of his behavior.

Actually, if we evaluate the external side of his actions, then Prince Gautama, who left the throne and palace in order to sit under a tree, waiting for enlightenment, is also not a very responsible person. He quit his job—the responsible post of leader of the country entrusted to him—and left his family. And for what? For the sake of spiritual growth? Is this the act of an adult serious man?

To prevent such errors in assessments, psychologists use the infantility test. More precisely, tests, because there are many of them. A psychologist can invite a visitor to answer questions, draw a picture on a given topic, look at shapeless blots, talking about his associations.

Men

How does infantility manifest itself in men:

1. Unpreparedness to start a family or a serious relationship with appropriate actions.
2. You can observe egocentrism and self-obsession. Will consider himself a leader in any company. When problems arise, all the blame will be placed on another person.
3. Inability to be independent in everyday life. Such a man is not capable of housework. Washing dishes or cleaning is comparable to tragedy.
4. They spend most of their time playing games.
5. When choosing a partner, they tend to choose one who is older in age, in order to receive a feeling of parental care. When entering into a relationship with just such a lady, a man is doomed to lifelong immaturity.
6. There are no aspirations in life; he is content with what he has.
7. Has no hobbies and does not strive for self-development.

TOP SECRET

Manifestations of mental and psychological infantilism are almost the same. The difference between them is that with mental infantilism a person cannot consciously and independently change his behavior, even if he has a motive. And with psychological infantilism, a person can change his behavior when a motive appears, but most often he does not change out of a desire to leave everything as it is. Let's look at specific examples of manifestations of infantilism .
A person has achieved success in science or art, but in everyday life he turns out to be completely unsuited. In his activities, he feels like an adult and competent, but an absolute child in everyday life and in relationships. And he tries to find someone who will take over that area of ​​life in which he can remain a child.

Adult sons and daughters continue to live with their parents and do not start families of their own. With your parents, everything is familiar and familiar; you can remain an eternal child, for whom all everyday problems will be solved. Starting your own family means taking responsibility for your life and facing certain difficulties.

Suppose that it becomes unbearable to live with your parents, they also begin to demand something. If someone else appears in a person’s life to whom responsibility can be shifted, then he will leave his parents’ home and will continue to lead the same lifestyle as with his parents - not taking on anything and not being responsible for anything.

Only infantilism can push a man or woman to leave their family, to neglect their obligations in order to try to regain their lost youth.

Constantly changing jobs due to unwillingness to make efforts or acquiring mythical experience. The search for a “savior” or a “magic pill” are also signs of infantilism.

The main criterion can be called the inability and unwillingness to take responsibility for one’s life , not to mention the lives of loved ones. And as they wrote in the comments: “the worst thing is to be with a person and know that you cannot rely on him at a critical moment! Such people create families, give birth to children and shift responsibility onto other shoulders!”

What does it look like.

It is not always possible to determine at first glance whether the person in front of you is childish or not. Infantility will begin to manifest itself in interaction, and especially at critical moments in life, when a person seems to slow down, does not make any decisions and expects someone to take responsibility for him.

Infantile people can be compared to eternal children who don’t really care about anything . Moreover, not only are they not interested in other people, but they also don’t want to take care of themselves (psychological infantilism) or cannot (mental) take care of themselves.

If we talk about male infantilism , then this is definitely the behavior of a child who needs not a woman, but a mother who takes care of him. Many women fall for this bait, and then begin to be indignant: “Why should I do it all the time? And earn money, and maintain a house, and take care of children, and build relationships. Is there even a man nearby? The question immediately arises: “A man? Who did you marry? Who initiated the acquaintance and meetings? Who made the decisions on how and where to spend the evening together? Who was always figuring out where to go and what to do?” These questions are endless. If from the very beginning you took everything upon yourself, invented and did everything yourself, and the man simply obediently did it, then did you really marry an ADULT MAN? It seems to me that you were marrying a CHILD. Only you were so in love that you didn’t notice it right away.

What to do.

This is the most important question that arises. Let's first look at it in relation to the child, if you are parents. Then in relation to an adult who continues to remain a child throughout life. And lastly, if you saw traits of infantilism in yourself and decided to change something in yourself, but don’t know how.

1. What to do if you have an infantile child growing up.

Let's think together - what do you want to get as a result of raising a child, what are you doing and what needs to be done to get the desired result?

The task of each parent is to adapt the child to an independent life without parents as much as possible and teach him to live in interaction with other people so that he can create his own happy family.

There are several mistakes that result in the development of infantilism . Here are some of them.

Mistake 1. Sacrifice.

This mistake manifests itself when parents begin to live for their children, trying to give the child the best, so that he has everything, so that he is dressed no worse than others, so that he studies at the institute, while denying himself everything. One’s own life seems to become unimportant compared to the child’s life. Parents can work several jobs, be malnourished, lack sleep, not take care of themselves and their health, as long as the child is doing well, as long as he learns and grows up as a human being (most often single parents do this). At first glance, it seems that the parents put their whole soul into the child, but the result is disastrous, the child grows up unable to appreciate his parents and the care they gave.

What's really going on? From an early age, a child gets used to the fact that his parents live and work only for his well-being. He gets used to getting everything ready. The question arises: if a person is used to getting everything ready, will he then be able to do something for himself or will he wait for someone to do it for him? And at the same time, not just wait, but demand with your behavior that you must, because there is no experience of doing something on your own, and it was the parents who did not give this experience, because everything was always for him and only for his sake. He seriously does not understand why it should be different and how this is even possible. And the child does not understand why and for what he should be grateful to his parents, if this was how it should have been. Sacrificing yourself means ruining both your life and the life of a child.

What to do.

You need to start with yourself, learn to value yourself and your life. If parents do not value their lives, the child will take this for granted and will also not value the lives of their parents, and, consequently, the lives of other people. For him, living for his sake will become the rule in relationships, he will use others and consider this absolutely normal behavior, because that’s how he was taught, he simply doesn’t know how to do it any other way.

Think about it: is your child interested in being with you if you have nothing to give other than taking care of him? If nothing happens in your life, what could attract a child to share your interests, to feel like a member of a community - a family? And is it worth it then to be surprised if the child finds entertainment on the side such as drinking, drugs, mindless partying, etc., he is used to only receiving what is given to him. And how can he be proud of you and respect you if you are nothing of yourself, if all your interests are only around him?

Mistake 2. “I’ll clear the clouds with my hands” or I’ll solve all the problems for you.

This mistake manifests itself in pity when parents decide that the child has enough problems for a lifetime, and at least let him remain a child with them. And in the end, an eternal child. Pity may be caused by mistrust that the child can take care of himself in some way. And mistrust again arises due to the fact that the child has not been taught to take care of himself.

What it looks like:

“You’re tired, rest, I’ll finish it.”

“You still have time to work hard! Let me do it for you."

“You still have homework to do, okay, go, I’ll wash the dishes myself.”

“We need to agree with Marivanna so that she tells who needs it so that you can go to study without any problems.”

And everything like that.

By and large, parents begin to feel sorry for their child, he is tired, he has a big workload, he is small, he does not know life. And the fact that parents themselves do not rest and their workload is no less, and not everyone themselves once knew, is somehow forgotten about. All homework and organization in life falls on the shoulders of the parents. “This is my child, if I don’t take pity on him, don’t do something for him (read: for him), who else will take care of him? And after some time, when the child gets used to the fact that everything will be done for him, the parents wonder why the child is not adapted to anything and they have to do everything themselves. But for him this is already the norm of behavior.

What does this lead to? The child, if it is a boy, will look for the same wife, behind whose back he can settle down warmly and hide from life’s adversities. She will feed you, wash you and earn money; she is warm and reliable. If the child is a girl, then she will look for a man who will play the role of dad, who will solve all her problems for her, support her and not burden her with anything.

What to do.

First, pay attention to what your child is doing and what household chores he performs. If not any, then first of all it is necessary that the child also have his own responsibilities. It is not so difficult to teach a child to take out the trash, wash the dishes, put away toys and things, and keep his room in order. But responsibilities must not just be assigned, but taught how and what needs to be done and explained why. Under no circumstances should a similar phrase be heard: “The main thing is to study well, this is your responsibility, and I will do everything around the house myself.”

He must be held accountable for his duties. Whether the child is tired or not, it doesn’t matter, in the end, he can rest and fulfill his duties, this is his responsibility. Isn't that what you do yourself? Is someone doing something for you? Your task is to learn not to feel sorry and not to do work for him if you want him not to grow up childish. It is pity and distrust that a child can do something well on his own that does not provide the opportunity to develop the volitional sphere.

Error 3. Excessive love, expressed in constant admiration, tenderness, elevation above others and permissiveness.

What could this lead to? Moreover, he will never learn to love (and therefore give), including his parents. At first glance, it will seem that he knows how to love, but all his love, it is conditional and only in response, and with any remark, doubt about his “genius” or in the absence of admiration, it will “disappear.” As a result of such upbringing, the child is confident that the whole world should admire and indulge him. And if this does not happen, then everyone around is bad, incapable of love. Although he is the one who is incapable of love, he was not taught this. As a result, he will choose a defensive phrase: “I am who I am and accept me as I am, if I don’t like it, I won’t accept it.” He will take the love of others calmly, for granted, and, having no response within, will hurt those who love him, including his parents. This is often perceived as a manifestation of selfishness, but the problem is much deeper; such a child has an underdeveloped emotional sphere. He simply has nothing to love. Being in the spotlight all the time, he did not learn to trust his feelings and the child did not develop a sincere interest in other people.

Another option is when parents “protect” their child who has hit the threshold in this way: “Oh, what a bad threshold, it offended our boy!” From childhood, a child is taught that everyone around him is to blame for his troubles.

What to do.

Again, it is necessary to start with the parents, for whom it is also time to grow up and stop seeing their child as a toy, an object of adoration. A child is an independent, autonomous person who, in order to develop, needs to be in the real world, and not the world invented by his parents. The child must see and experience the whole gamut of feelings and emotions without running away or suppressing them. And the task of parents is to learn to respond adequately to the manifestation of emotions, not to prohibit, not to calm unnecessarily, but to sort out all the situations that caused negative emotions.

It is not at all necessary that someone else is “bad” and that’s why your child is crying, look at the situation as a whole, what your child did wrong, teach him not to focus on himself, but to meet people halfway, showing sincere interest in them and find ways out of difficult situations without blaming others and yourself. But for this, as I already wrote, parents themselves need to grow up.

Mistake 4. Clear guidelines and rules.

Most parents find it very convenient when an obedient child grows up nearby, clearly following the instructions “do this”, “don’t do that”, “don’t be friends with this boy”, “in this case do this”, etc. They believe that all education is about command and submission. But they don’t think at all that they are depriving the child of the ability to think independently and take responsibility for his actions. As a result, they raise a soulless and thoughtless robot who needs clear instructions. And then they themselves suffer from the fact that if they didn’t say something, the child didn’t do it. Here, not only the volitional, but also the emotional sphere is suppressed, because the child does not need to notice the emotional states of both his own and other people, and it becomes the norm for him to act only according to instructions. The child lives in constant obsessiveness and complete emotional neglect.

What does this lead to? A person does not learn to think and becomes unable to think on his own, he constantly needs someone who will give him clear instructions on what, how and when to do, he will always have others to blame, those who did not “correct” his behavior, did not say what to do and how to proceed. Such people will never show initiative and will always wait for clear and specific instructions. They will not be able to solve any complex problems.

What to do in such cases?

Learn to trust your child, even if he does something wrong, you will simply sort out the situation later and find the right solution together, together, and not for him. Talk to your child more, ask him to express his opinion, don’t make fun of him if you don’t like his opinion. And most importantly, do not criticize, but analyze the situation, what was done wrong and how it could have been done differently, constantly asking for the child’s opinion. In other words, the child must be taught to think and reflect.

Mistake 5. “I myself know what the child needs.”

This error is a variation of the fourth error. And it lies in the fact that parents do not listen to the true desires of the child. The child’s wishes are perceived as momentary whims, but this is not quite the same thing. Whims are fleeting desires, but true desires are what a child dreams of. The purpose of such parental behavior is for the child to realize what the parents themselves could not realize (options include family traditions, fictional images of the future child). By and large, they make a “second self” out of the child. Once upon a time, in childhood, such parents dreamed of becoming musicians, famous athletes, great mathematicians, and now they are trying to realize their childhood dreams through their child. As a result, the child cannot find a favorite activity for himself, and if he does find it, then the parents take it with hostility: “I know better what you need, so you will do what I tell you.”

What does this lead to ? Moreover, the child will never have a goal at all, he will never learn to understand his desires, and will always be dependent on the desires of others and is unlikely to achieve any success in realizing the desires of his parents. He will always feel “out of place.”

What to do.

Learn to listen to your child’s wishes, be interested in what he dreams of, what attracts him, teach him to express his desires out loud. Observe what attracts your child, what he enjoys doing. Never compare your child with others. Remember, the desire for your child to become a musician, artist, famous athlete, mathematician - these are your desires, not the child's. Trying to instill your desires in a child, you will make him deeply unhappy or achieve the opposite result.

Mistake 6. “Boys don’t cry.”

The inability of the parents themselves to express their emotions leads to the fact that the child’s emotions begin to be suppressed. There is a ban on strong experiences of positive and negative emotions corresponding to the real situation, since the parents themselves do not know how to react to them. And if you don’t know something, then often the choice is made towards leaving or prohibiting it. As a result, by forbidding the child to express his emotions, parents by and large forbid the child to feel, and ultimately, to live life to the fullest.

What does this lead to ? Growing up, a child cannot understand himself, and he needs a “guide” who will explain to him what he feels. He will trust this person and completely depend on his opinion. This is where conflicts arise between a man’s mother and wife. The mother will say one thing, and the wife another, and each will prove that exactly what she says is what the man feels. As a result, the man simply steps aside, giving the women the opportunity to “sort things out” among themselves. What is really happening to him, he does not know and will follow the decision of the one who wins this war. As a result, he will always live someone else's life, but not his own, and when he does not get to know himself.

What to do.

Allow your child to cry, laugh, express himself emotionally, do not rush to reassure him in this way: “Okay, okay, everything will work out,” “boys don’t cry,” etc. When a child is in pain, do not hide from his feelings, make it clear that you would also be in pain in a similar situation, and you understand him. Show empathy, let the child get acquainted with the whole range of feelings without suppression. If he is happy about something, rejoice with him, if he is sad, listen to what worries him. Show interest in your child's inner life.

Mistake 7. Transferring your emotional state to the child.

Often parents transfer their unsettledness and dissatisfaction with life onto the child. This is expressed in constant nagging, raising the voice, and sometimes simply lashing out at the child. The child becomes hostage to the parent's dissatisfaction and is unable to resist him. This leads to the child “switching off”, suppressing his emotional sphere and choosing psychological protection from the parent “withdrawal”.

What does this lead to? Growing up, the child stops “hearing”, closes down, and often simply forgets what was said to him, perceiving any words addressed to him as an attack. He has to repeat the same thing ten times before he hears or gives any feedback. From the outside, this looks like indifference or disregard for the words of others. It is difficult to come to an understanding with such a person, because he never expresses his opinion, and more often than not this opinion simply does not exist.

What to do.

Remember: it is not your child’s fault that your life is not going the way you want. The fact that you don't get what you want is your problem, not his fault. If you need to let off steam, find more environmentally friendly ways - polish the floors, rearrange the furniture, go to the pool, increase physical activity. Uncleaned toys and unwashed dishes are not the reason for your breakdown, but only the reason, the reason is within you. In the end, teaching your child to tidy up toys and wash dishes is your responsibility.

I showed only the main errors, but there are many more.

The main condition for your child not to grow up infantile is to recognize him as an independent and free person, show your trust and sincere love (not to be confused with adoration), support, not violence.

Tatyana Ushakova, “Woman’s World”, profitpsy.net

Women

How does infantility manifest itself in women:

1. The behavior is typical of a little girl who evokes pity and care from men. Often, you can find cases where men who have already established themselves in life take frivolous young ladies into relationships. They provide them with the opportunity to relax and try to change the current way of life.
2. They prefer to have a boyfriend who will play the role of “daddy”. When searching, they focus on a wealthy, courageous partner.
3. They constantly get into some unpleasant situations from which they have to rescue her.
4. Prefers tracksuits or outfits decorated with a lot of sparkles, prints, rhinestones, and so on...
5. Has a large circle of friends. The character is cheerful and cheerful. Guys with such a girl are never bored.
6. In some cases, the stated model of behavior may be forced. It is used to manipulate a partner, displaying resentment at a moment of great anger, shedding tears or showing sadness. Thus, she presents herself as a woman in need of a man, stroking his pride and self-importance. In principle, she portrays the kind of person a man wants her to see, dependent on him.

So you now know what infantilism is and the meaning of the word infant with its symptoms. Do you have many familiar infantas? Share your answer in the comments.

How to get rid of a deficiency?

Where does infantility come from? The reasons for this phenomenon usually lie in upbringing (of course, except in cases where it is the result of a disease).

Strict parents, raising a good boy or an obedient girl, do not even think that in this way they do not solve problems, but create them. A child who is not used to making decisions, who has agreed that other people are completely responsible for his life, will simply not be able to cope with the burden of responsibility.

And the fruits of such upbringing are difficult to correct. Perhaps even more difficult than curing a person from alcoholism. It is possible to prove to a drinker, albeit with difficulty, that such behavior brings harm to both him and others. Not everyone, not always, but it’s possible. How to get rid of infantilism if its main postulate is the denial of responsibility? But if such a question has arisen, then the first step has been taken. Because the main thing is to admit that there is a problem. An infantile person who has realized his shortcoming has already taken a step towards self-improvement. All that is needed then is to learn to make decisions on your own and, in case of failure, not allow yourself to shift the blame to others. If there is a loving person nearby who can support you in difficult times, the process of belated growing up will be much easier and more painless.