Consultation for parents: Crisis 7 years

The dynamics of the transition from one age to another was studied by the Soviet psychologist Lev Semenovich Vygotsky. He defined age-related crises as short periods in development, lasting no longer than a year, during which acute psychological changes occur due to the maximum discrepancy between already acquired knowledge and relationships and new, unknown models. Such periods can pass smoothly and almost unnoticed, or they can be accompanied by rapid changes in the child’s behavior. The crisis of seven years is the fourth age crisis of a person. The result of its correct passage will be new formation and personal growth. To help a child during this period, it is necessary to know the symptoms of a crisis, and also to keep in mind what parents should and should not do.

Psychological reasons

The first thing you must understand: a crisis occurs regardless of your desires and the desires of the child, so getting annoyed because of his changed behavior is the biggest and most common mistake parents make.

The main reason for the onset of the seven-year crisis is the fact that the child moves from preschool activities to school activities, he acquires a new social status - now he is a student. And learning is part of the adult world, where you need to prove your worth, your abilities in practice, you need to make efforts.

The emergence of such important activities leads to the active formation of a “social self.” The child begins to recognize himself as an important part of not only the family, but also society as a whole. And since the need to demonstrate one’s importance is very strong, it may not be justified, because the child is praised for the correct actions and answers, for completed tasks, but he does not always succeed in this.

A conflict arises between the inner and outer world, i.e. “how I want and how it really is.” This causes a decrease in self-esteem and a desire to increase it. The easiest way to achieve this is through the attention of adults. And the easiest way to get attention is through negative behavior.

In addition, the child begins to feel like an adult, but those around him do not allow this, which is why affective reactions arise. For example, a child is told: “Why are you crying like a little boy? After all, you’re so big, you go to school!” and at the same time, “I am the boss and the adult here, and you are small and must obey me! Once you grow up, then you will express your opinion!” Of course, the reaction to such statements will be negative, since the child will not be able to understand - big or small?

In addition, there is a serious restructuring in the relationship with an emotionally significant person. Firstly, the mother is no longer always nearby and does not blow on scratches, but even demands that the child solve serious problems. Secondly, mom and dad are authorities, but the child begins to consider himself part of the adult world, demonstrating this to his parents. And they, in turn, suppress this initiative.

A new development – that is, a positive result of this period – is the arbitrariness of decisions and actions. The child begins to become aware of his feelings and form activities based on them. He begins to independently select contacts - to choose those with whom he wants to communicate.

What you need to know about the crisis period

Causes

In psychology, the age of 6-7 years is usually called critical or transitional. The child leaves preschool childhood, goes to school and enters a new, adult life. Now he has to sit in class, do homework, listen to the teacher and participate in school life. This is a serious test for a fragile child’s psyche. Remember how you felt when you had to change jobs or go to university. It is not easy and exciting for an adult to go through all this, but here we are talking about a small child who only yesterday was playing with cars in kindergarten and sleeping in a quiet hour.

Has your child just entered first grade? Especially for this case, we have collected the best tips and recommendations from a psychologist on how to help a child adapt to school.

But it is a mistake to believe that only entering school creates a crisis situation. The fact is that at this age a child acquires new qualities (in psychology they are called neoplasms), which will help him in the future successfully adapt to school life.

These include:

Arbitrariness of behavior

The child loses his childish spontaneity and becomes serious and focused. He learns to manage his behavior: he tries to do what is necessary, and not what he would like, to follow certain rules.

Awareness of one's own experiences

The child gets acquainted with his own inner world, begins to realize himself as an individual and his differences from other people.

Student's internal position

By the age of 7, the child gradually moves from play to learning activities. He tries himself in new situations, masters new forms of behavior. Yesterday's preschooler becomes interested in communicating with adults, discussing “adult” topics with them. Some begin to avoid the company of younger children.

Thus, the cause of the 7-year-old crisis is the formation of the child’s social “I”, the emergence of new social relationships with people around him, where he no longer acts as a preschooler, but as an adult.

Main signs of crisis 7 years

All changes in the child’s behavior can be divided into 3 groups:

Crisis symptoms of the first group are associated with violation and devaluation of the rules adopted in the family:
argues on any occasion, shows stubbornness;
refuses to comply with requests;
breaks toys, says that he is tired of them.
The second group of signs of an emerging crisis suggests a desire to imitate adults:
imitates adults;
asks to buy fashionable clothes and modern gadgets;
mood changes suddenly;
gets offended when people laugh at him or criticize him.
The third group of symptoms is associated with the child’s desire for independence:
enters into conversations with adults;
takes on new responsibilities.

If you notice one or more symptoms from each group, it means your child is going through a 7-year-old crisis. And all its manifestations that you observe are important for the development and maturation of the child.

Gender characteristics

Boys and girls experience the age crisis differently.

Psychologists agree that this period is more difficult for girls. A diligent student at school can throw tantrums at home and torment her parents with constant whims. Also, girls at this age compete for the attention of a teacher or a cute classmate, which can also lead to conflicts.

To help your daughter go through this stage of development safely, praise her more often for good grades and school achievements, take an interest in relationships with classmates, and do not criticize her desire to look “like an adult.”

Boys at the age of seven strive to prove themselves, to show that they are the bravest, the strongest and generally the best. Therefore, they often behave aggressively, bully girls and compete with each other. They are interested in the events happening around them, they strive to express their opinion on any matter and defend their position to the last. Problems in school for boys arise due to restlessness and inattention.

It is important to diversify a child’s school routine with hikes, trips, excursions, where he can throw out accumulated energy and gain new impressions. It is also important to pay attention to sports and outdoor games.

The crisis through the eyes of a child

To understand how a child feels during a 7-year-old crisis, you need to look at what is happening through his eyes. Here is the story of one seven-year-old boy:

"I am 7 years old. Now I'm an adult and go to school. I have a big briefcase and a nice uniform. I really like them. Mom now tells everyone that I have grown up. And I try to act like an adult.

Yesterday I decided to wash the dishes myself and accidentally broke my mother’s cup. My mother scolded me for a long time, saying that my hands were like hooks and there was no point in me getting in there since I didn’t know how to wash them carefully. But I can do everything, it’s just that the cup was covered in soap suds and slipped out of my hands.

The other day, friends came to see dad. They were talking about some candles and that dad's friend needed to replace them. I said that they also bought candles for me when I had the flu. Dad's friends laughed at me. It turned out that they were talking about spark plugs in the car.

We have a boy, Vova, in our class. He often fights and offends girls and laughs loudest in class, although the teacher scolds him for this. I want to be like Vova. When I told my mother about him, she replied that Vova is a hooligan and I shouldn’t be friends with him. And I said that I will still do it! Then my mother said that I was still small and didn’t understand much.

But how small it is, I’m already an adult! I go to school, do my homework, help around the house...”

Parents themselves often emphasize the child’s emerging “adulthood,” while continuing to treat him as a child. Conflicting conditions arise in which the child does not know what to do correctly. Either behave “like an adult”, risking becoming an object of criticism or ridicule, or remain in childhood, where mom and dad can solve all the problems for him.

How to understand that a crisis has arrived?

The crisis of seven years has main manifestations, by noticing which you can diagnose its presence. It does not have to occur clearly at 7 years of age. Most often, its onset occurs at the moment when the child begins to go to school, sometimes towards the end of the first or beginning of the second year of schooling.

Symptoms of the crisis include:

antics - a child can imitate adults, thus expressing his protest;
disobedience, ignoring requests and instructions;
violent emotional manifestations (there are even hysterics, throwing objects);
putting forward a demand - to treat him like an adult, to take into account his opinion;
manifestation of uncertainty, comparing oneself with others.

These are the main symptoms of the crisis. For some, it may occur differently and manifest itself in excessive restraint, isolation, withdrawal into oneself and reluctance to share one’s experiences. As soon as you discover such manifestations, you need to begin to adjust the model of upbringing and relationship with the child.

What is the peculiarity of the crisis of this age period?

The first thing that needs to be taken as a rule is that you cannot ignore any atypical behavior of a child, be it a crisis of a 7-year-old girl or a boy. This can lead to serious consequences, such as failure at school, as well as closedness, low self-esteem, and even a deep stage of neurosis.

The crisis of 7 years in preschool children changes their worldview, they begin to distinguish between “us” and “strangers”. The behavior shows prudence. To get the desired result, that is, benefit, they first lose the situation. And any criticism from parents will be perceived with hostility. If there is no praise for the simplest task completed, the response will be screaming and crying.

The crisis at the age of 7 in children (primary schoolchildren) is also characterized by excessive curiosity. The child will be interested in serious issues, such as politics, moral principles, family relationships. And only for the reason of analyzing the knowledge of adults.

Children understand that they are imperfect, strive for knowledge and dream of achievements. Their spontaneity disappears. The temperament becomes ostentatious, mannered, and at the same time relations with parents are strained.

The request is executable - the order is unexecutable

The manner of communication with children during this period is usually like this: “Don’t run. Do not be fancy. Study well. Don't bother me. Act normal. Put away the toys. Turn off the TV". In fact, you are ordering him. Moreover, you order based on what is convenient for you, first of all. Of course, no one asks the child for his opinion. That’s why he goes on strike: “I won’t! Do it yourself! Why should I?".

It is very difficult for some parents to understand that their child is not a computer into which they can drive a behavior program “to study well, obey mom and dad, be hardworking and smart.” If you change your words from “you must do” to “please do,” the child’s behavior will change, since he will consider himself a person who is respected by such important people as adults.

What is the 7 year crisis?

Before explaining how to behave with a 7-year-old child, it is worth understanding what this crisis is and how it manifests itself in children.

Everyone has heard of the teenage crisis, as well as the midlife crisis. However, not many parents know that children who move from kindergarten to school also experience a kind of crisis, which is called the “7-year-old crisis.”

This transition period is characterized not only by a change of environment, but also by a sharp increase in the load on the nervous system . If in kindergarten the baby had time to sleep, eat and have fun, then at school most of the time children should sit in one position and study.

The 7-year-old crisis is problems associated with the development of the baby. The crisis most often manifests itself in the form of copying the behavior of adults, as well as imitation of elders. During this period, the child begins to evaluate his position in society, so he tries to stand out in order to take the place of a leader.

A crisis can be described as the initial moment of personality formation . The baby not only forms unique systems that help him determine what is good and what is bad, but also evaluates his appearance and inner world.

The first turning point in the child’s psychological state is the “3-year crisis” - a change in the psyche associated with the fact that the baby has learned a lot, wants to be independent and comes into conflict with his parents.

Not an adult and not a child

Determining the rules of the relationship is very important. You should not lose authority in the eyes of your child. He is still small and needs your loving hand. It is important to explain to him that he is older now and you can trust him more as an adult, but you are still not peers. Mom and dad are smarter and more experienced, and you need to listen to them, because they wish him well.

Entrust your child with some important adult activities. For example, include him in the dishwashing schedule, or have him help you vacuum, or he can wash the car or go grocery shopping with dad.

A simple question: “What do you think needs to be bought for home to eat? Help me make a list, please!” – will demonstrate to the child that his voice, his opinion have meaning and weight in the family.

Psychologists' point of view

There are two stages of crisis:

The first stage is characterized by rapid development. The result is an imbalance in the relationship between the child and the world around him.
With proper work by parents, everything will stabilize. The successful formation of a new personality is taking place. The child knows how to recognize and analyze needs. And the knowledge gained will help you quickly adapt to a new society.

Psychologists recommend sending children to school from the age of seven. Because until this age their play activity predominates. It is difficult for them to change their minds, which is what causes behavior problems. But still, you understand that you are faced with a child’s 7-year-old crisis. What to do?

The right to be in a bad mood

It happens that a child is in a bad mood (during a crisis, the lack of mood manifests itself very violently). But for some reason they immediately begin to shame him for this: “Oh, what a sour face! Who would be friends with such a boy? Adults believe that they have the right to be tired, angry, sad, they can swear and cry, but a child does not. He must do what he is told.

If you do not change your attitude towards your child's emotions and feelings now, then in the future, when he has more serious problems, he will not tell you about them. The attitude “Feeling what I feel is bad” will be fixed in his subconscious for a long time. Talking about your experiences is bad. Showing feelings is bad.” This will also be reflected in the manifestation of positive emotions.

Do not panic!

This is a natural process. First of all, you should calm down. The main thing is to behave correctly, and everything will go well. So:

Do not deprive a child of his freedom under any circumstances. He must understand his experiences on his own. You are only obligated to control the process and unobtrusively guide your child.
Remove unlimited guardianship. Let your child be independent. Feeling this, the baby himself will ask for help. And then you will have the opportunity to show care.
Don't discuss your children with your friends. Otherwise, trusting relationships will never be built.
Preparation for a new way of life should be gradual and collaborative. Show your child the future class, talk to the teacher. Follow a new daily routine together.

In a familiar environment it will be much easier for the baby to adapt. To painlessly overcome a child’s 7-year-old crisis, psychologists give some advice.

The channel through which emotions will flow

If there is a lot of aggression, anger, and irritation in a child, then it is necessary to find where to put them. You can enroll him in a sports section or teach him to release emotions through paper. For example, ask him to draw his anger or simply crumple up an empty sheet and throw it in a bucket.

The main thing is not to respond to aggression with aggression. It happens in families that the child screams, the mother screams even louder, the father grabs the belt, and then everyone cries together. The child is out of resentment, the mother and father are out of guilt and hopelessness. It is impossible to overcome a crisis through physical and mental violence. You will only cripple the psyche and future life of your child.

Please note that children during the seven-year crisis copy the behavior of adults (try to conform). So maybe his being rude and yelling at you reflects your own behavior? So, it’s time for you to learn to talk and solve problems differently, because the child will not understand why when you are rude to someone it’s normal, but when they are rude it’s bad?

One-on-one conversation

During the crisis period of 7 years, the formation of trusting relationships of a vertical type in the “person-to-person” system takes place. That is, the child learns to seek help from a more experienced person: a mentor, teacher, parent. For proper formation, arrange conversations with the child, the topic of which will be his feelings, desires, experiences, fears. He must understand that he can open up to you and you will not judge him, do not blame him, but support him.

When later the child begins to have a teenage crisis and has a lot of questions and doubts, he will come to you because the attitude has been formed: I ask for help, and they help me. And at the age of 7, when he learns to perform voluntary actions and establish contacts on his own, he will not be afraid to ask for your advice. An authoritative person is not one who is feared, but one who is respected and trusted.

Reasons for atypical behavior

At three years old, a child becomes independent, and the crisis of 7 years in children is characterized by the formation and recognition of personality. So, to the reasons:

Analysis of your own feelings. Begins to understand emotions. Meaningfully differentiates between events that cause sadness and joy. And since it is difficult for the baby to cope with emotions, he shows aggression and disobedience.
The need for new knowledge. Actively explores the world around him, previous games are not enough, begins to copy adults.
Entering school. The event was marked by a change in environment. The child cannot yet set goals on his own; it is difficult for him to understand the essence of success.
Obtaining a new social status. This is due to a change in the field of activity. If for a child 6–7 years old role-playing play was a priority, then upon entering first grade, academic work becomes the main thing. He will have to learn to obtain knowledge and use it correctly.

Physiological reasons also play an important role, such as the dynamic growth of the body and brain development. The question arises, how long does the 7-year-old crisis last in children? It’s different for everyone, because it depends on many components and the environment in which the child lives, as well as physiological characteristics. It can be latent and mild, protracted and problematic, and last from a month to a year and a half. Competent help from parents is important here. How to recognize it?

Let's talk about how the 7-year-old crisis manifests itself in a child. The boy copies the behavior of adults. Often repeating phrases heard from males. Sometimes they are obscene, for example: “She is a fool, because all women are stupid.” Or something like this: “I said it, period!” At this moment, you should not sharply pull him back and reprimand him. It is necessary for the father or grandfather to competently and calmly explain why this should not be said, because the mother ceases to be an authority for him. At the same time, he can operate with the phrase, they say, why can dad say that?

They can even imitate smoking or clink glasses, like adults with a cup of compote. In this case, you should also not shout or hit the child; you need to explain clearly.

The crisis in a 7-year-old girl is expressed in imitation of adult women. They begin to become interested in their mother's cosmetics, perfume and clothes. Trying on jewelry. And here it is also better for the father or grandfather to work with girls. You can say, how beautiful you are even without any makeup. If such a phrase is uttered by a mother or sister who uses all these feminine things, the words will be received with hostility by the baby, with envy and resentment. Why can't she? The girl will feel like they don’t want to let her into the adult world. Children need to be taken care of. Be in a trusting relationship with them, talk like adults, spend more time together.