Men are afraid of conflicts in relationships, just as ancient man was afraid of thunderstorms. Like a primitive creature, the guy believes that since the sky frowns, it’s the end of the world. Fear turns a reasonable person into a hasty person. At first the man is angry at the eccentric nature. He curses and shouts in response to the thunder, but this only intensifies the rain of accusations. And when the lady begins to throw lightning bolts of anger, the guy is ready to do anything just to return the clear sky and the gentle sun. Then the frightened savage tearfully begs the heavens to stop the storm, dances with a tambourine and brings stooped gifts to the altar.
How to make peace with a friend if she doesn't want to talk?
If there was a quarrel, after which there was a lull, then you will have to think first about making peace. You are not communicating with a man, but with a woman who has her own multifaceted emotional position. Perhaps the quarrel was so offensive to your friend that she has every right not to talk to you and reject any of your attempts to do so.
Initially, you should realize that you should not make your friend guilty. Either you blame her for all the troubles, or you agree that you are also to blame for something. It’s not all your fault, but you are ready to correct your mistakes if your friend is ready to admit personal shortcomings for the sake of your friendship. But for now we need to reach this stage.
Don’t run to your friend to make peace immediately after a quarrel. At first:
- Think about the problem that happened between you. How can it be solved? Don't try to forget about the problem if you don't want to quarrel with your friend again. It's better to solve it.
- Think about the need for your friendship. Do you really want to be friends with your friend? Does this woman really consider you her friend? Think about everything that happened between you, and then realize the real state of affairs.
If there really is a friendship between you, it's time to start getting closer to your friend. Write her a message - if she doesn't answer it, then call her. A friend may also not answer the phone call. Well, then there are only two options for reconciliation:
- Come directly to your friend’s home so that she cannot escape the conversation with you (or you at least look at her reaction when you show a clear desire to make peace with her).
- Find yourself in those companies where your friend also happens to be. Slowly you will be able to talk to her about something, gradually getting closer and feeling the warmth between you.
You need to talk to your friend, ask for forgiveness and, of course, discuss the question of how to no longer encounter the problem that has arisen between you.
In fact, further reasoning is not selfish. They are simply realistic. But in order for a person not to be so critical of the realities of life, it is proposed to treat the article as a fresh breath, which can sometimes be cold and unpleasant.
It's really worth asking for forgiveness. Wise people, spiritual treatises talk about this, and everyone thinks so. However, due to his own illusions, complexes and fears, a person sometimes goes to extremes when he considers almost any offense a gross mistake for which it is necessary to ask for forgiveness. Expressing to the people around you the awareness that you understand the stupidity of your action and are ready to correct it is undoubtedly a necessary thing. But you don’t always need to ask for forgiveness for every step you take.
Judge not, so that you may not be judged. And this means not considering your actions and the actions of other people as mistakes for which you need to ask for forgiveness. As long as you don’t judge, you don’t consider people’s actions right or wrong. They just exist, but you don’t evaluate them, don’t divide them into pleasant and unpleasant. This means that you no longer need to be asked for forgiveness or apologize to someone.
At the same time, as long as you do not judge yourself and other people, a feeling of resentment does not arise in you. You just see something happening, but you don't give it a positive or negative evaluation. You are not offended by what you do not give a minus rating. This means that you no longer need someone to ask for forgiveness in front of you for something, just like you.
Asking for forgiveness is most likely an apology to the other person for the inconvenience your actions have caused. However, this does not mean that you should humiliate yourself and endlessly beg for forgiveness. This act is aimed at demonstrating to each other the awareness that the actions of some bring inconvenience to others. But a person should not become like a “slave” and constantly suffer for being forgiven.
What about those who give forgiveness to other people? Firstly, if a person does not forgive someone for his actions, then this is the problem of the person himself, and not the one who made the mistake. If you cannot forgive, then the reason is in yourself, and not in the one who offended or hurt you in some way. Other people, like you, should not constantly beg for forgiveness. Asking for forgiveness is simply a single demonstration that a person has realized his mistake. And the problem that someone cannot forgive someone is a personal difficulty for the one who is offended by what happened.
Secondly, if a person sits and waits for someone to apologize to him, this already indicates that he considers himself to be thinking correctly, is becoming like God, condemning other people, and wants to be offended. If you are waiting for someone to apologize to you, then think better about why you don’t want to forgive this person for his offense? After all, if you are not ready to forgive now, you will continue to be offended even when you are asked for forgiveness. Remember that if you consider yourself right, then the other person also has the right to consider himself so. And if you think other people's actions are wrong, then that's your problem.
Allow yourself and other people to do what you see fit. You do not have the right to judge the actions of others, since you do not know their motives, desires, which encourage people to perform certain actions. Don’t dare other people who don’t know what drives you to do certain things to judge you. Often a person's actions are not right or wrong. You or those around you just need to do something - so you do it. And there will always be people who will be comfortable with the action of another person, and those for whom it will be inconvenient. Everyone is free to do what they see fit. And expecting an apology from other people is a manifestation of selfishness, when you not only judge the actions of others, but also consider your opinion to be the only correct one.
Understand the process of asking for forgiveness. There is nothing wrong with it if you understand the damage you have caused with your actions. But at the same time, you should not go to extremes when you expect others to apologize or when you humiliate yourself, begging forgiveness from others. This is the height of selfishness. You had the right to do what you did, just like other people. And if you consider your action to be wrong, you can ask for forgiveness. But if you consider your action to be correct, and they demand an apology from you, then leave your interlocutor alone: let him be offended and continue to consider himself the most right. And you live your life without wasting time on those who are constantly offended by you.
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Methods of reconciliation
- Apologize personally. If you are interested in the question of how to behave if “it’s my own fault,” then, first of all, you need to take care of an apology. It is ideal if you ask for forgiveness in person.
- The second option is to write a letter or message. This is especially true if a friend refuses personal contact.
- Presenting a surprise. But you shouldn’t give an expensive gift. You probably know what she likes - it could be chocolates, a small soft toy, a favorite magazine. Send such a present.
How can I make peace with my friend if it’s my fault?
Both are always to blame in a situation. But if you understand that most of the blame lies with you, that you insulted or acted wrongly with your friend, then you will have to be the first to put up. I need to talk to my friend. Find a reason to talk to her.
Ask for forgiveness - perhaps start the conversation with this. Then start a discussion about the situation that offended your friend. Remind her once again that you expressed only your opinion, which is not a truism. You apologize for offending your friend with your opinion or decision. But your lives cannot be the same.
Listen to your friend, who clearly wants to speak up and explain her position. Try to understand and accept it calmly.
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May your wallet never be empty...
Girlfriend doesn't pay back debt
– a turn, isn’t it? The situation is very delicate, because you want to get your money back, and not be branded as a petty and mercantile person. When there is no other way out and patience runs out, then you have to remind her of the debt. You can, of course, forget about it. But the next time she asks to borrow money, and you refuse, there will be a misunderstanding, gradually turning into a quarrel. In general, money spoils relationships - it’s no secret. The one who earns more, for some reason, considers it her duty to teach the other how to handle banknotes: what to spend on, how best to save. Inevitably, sooner or later, a quarrel arises. How to make peace in such a situation?
How to make peace if your friend is in debt?
The best weapon in a conversation is the truth. We need to talk to her and explain that debts must be repaid on time. After all, next time you just won’t do her a favor.
How to make peace if you owe a friend?
Well, if you yourself are a fan of late payments, then know that an unrepaid debt can ruin a relationship forever.
And the point here is not in the amount of money, but in the attitude towards the person who helped you out in a difficult moment.
How to make peace with a friend if she is to blame?
What to do if your friend was to blame for what happened, which is why you quarreled with her? In theory, she should be the first to put up with you and ask for forgiveness. However, if you value friendship, then you can take a different position:
- After a couple of days, say “hi” to her and even chat a little as if you are not offended by her. Melt the ice between you, let your friend know that you are ready to make peace with her.
- Show with other hints that you want to make peace.
- 3. Come up and offer to talk. There is no need to apologize because it will not be sincere. Invite your friend to make peace, but at the same time say that you consider her to be guilty and expect an apology from her.
Believe me, if a friend wants to be friends with you, she will gladly take the chance to make peace with you.
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Apologies after a fight
I looked for the answer to the question of our article on the Internet. There we are advised to apologize and have romantic evenings. Well, this method of reconciliation may work a few times. But then the relationship between a man and a woman turns into a game, where he is a faithful admirer, and she is a capricious deity. An eccentric lady can be calmed down for a while, but her anger will definitely return. Because living in heaven is unbearably boring, and the little shaman’s dog dances provide good entertainment.
Such relationships are an example of a total imbalance of significance. This sick scheme will one day end sadly: the savage will bring another gift to the altar, but heaven will still respond with a scandal. The man will understand that the victim is too small. He will shed a stingy tear, take out a flint knife and cut off the excess for himself. This will calm the lady down for a while. But then the understanding will come - it won’t be more fun: the guy has already sacrificed the most precious thing. So, you need to look for your next suitor.
Who is to blame for the quarrel
They usually say: “Both are to blame, but you are a man, so apologize.” Let's say we agree with this statement. A man apologizes for a real or imagined sin. What next? Should a girl throw herself on the neck of a hero who has courageously accepted his own defeat? This defies logic: the one who loses the fight for dominance is at best a dog, but not a hero. He succumbed to the emotion of guilt and closed his eyes to the real problem.
Guilt and responsibility are two different things. A responsible man understands the cause of the conflict in order to prevent problems in the future. I understand that it is easier to indulge emotions, but I still suggest using your brains in difficult situations. Reasonable decisions are more difficult, more painful, but more effective. To accept responsibility you need to be honest with yourself. There are two options here:
- Did he start swearing on his own, without any hint of aggression from the lady? This means he is to blame for the conflict.
- If a woman gets emotional and you lose your temper, it’s the lady’s fault.
All. There is no third. No “It’s my fault and she’s not an angel”! Who will be the first to make peace then? After all, according to this scheme, you are both right and wrong at the same time. This means that diplomacy will be started by the one who needs it most. If the girl needed your relationship more, you wouldn't be reading this article.
Is it necessary to reconcile?
Sometimes, especially after a strong quarrel, thoughts creep into your head: “Is this reconciliation necessary at all? Maybe this is the end of the relationship, and we should leave everything as it is? In some situations, such a decision is indeed correct. Let's look at what you should pay attention to when deciding on this issue.
- You need to leave everything as it is if serious contradictions were discovered during a quarrel. For example, before you understood and supported each other, but now, as you grow older, changes have occurred. Now you are actually speaking “different languages.” You need to understand that such a relationship will not benefit either you or your friend. They will be accompanied by regular quarrels and misunderstandings. The most appropriate thing here is to use conflict as a symbol of the end of friendship. However, this decision must be made with a fresh mind, at a time when you are calm and the situation has been fully analyzed.
- If you realize that you can still continue to communicate with your friend, then the cause of the conflict can be resolved. Make an effort to restore the relationship.
What to say
You may be confused and don't know what to say to your best friend who you've offended. It is necessary to select the right phrases taking into account your specific situation and level of relationship.
- “I’m very sorry that I offended you...”;
- "Please forgive me…";
- “I won’t make this mistake again”;
- “You are very close to me, tell me how we can make peace, I want to regain your trust”;
- “After our quarrel, I really miss your communication”;
- “Sorry for offending you...”
- “Our friendship has been around for years, I don’t want it to end because of stupidity”;
- “I’m very lonely without your communication, I really want to make peace.”
The main thing is to speak calmly, in a friendly voice. You must convince that the friendship is very strong and should not be ruined due to disagreements. It is important to try to find a compromise solution. Both sides must speak out and choose options suitable for resolving the current conflict.
Straight Talk
Often the cause of conflict is emotions, when, without understanding the situation, you get offended, say nasty things, or simply begin to ignore your friend. Such a misunderstanding may arise due to jealousy, for example, you may think that your friend is flirting with your boyfriend. What's your reaction? Of course, exclude your friend from the list of people close to you. Do not make hasty conclusions, first talk frankly with the “suspect”. Perhaps your boyfriend himself is putting pressure on her, and she is simply a hostage to the situation. In general, be careful and be guided not by emotions, but by facts.
