It seems to me that when talking about self-sufficiency, we often replace concepts. For example, as soon as I start a conversation about female independence, I often hear the following: “If a woman is absolutely independent, why does she need a man?”
This is a very strange question for me, it makes me think about how a woman perceives her partner. It’s as if a man becomes a function, and not a separate person, with whom it can be good and interesting to be around.
In a normal situation, when the partner is not around, the world does not fall apart into thousands of fragments. Simply because being alone with yourself can be pleasant.
I like this definition: “Self-sufficiency is not only the ability to survive, but also the independence in making decisions and life choices, regardless of the support or censure of others.”
Finding an absolutely self-sufficient person is very difficult. Humans are social creatures and cannot completely cope without the help of others.
But it is quite possible to develop the ability to independently choose a future profession, partner, appearance, without regard to the position of parents, girlfriends and other comrades. This makes it possible to realize your own true desires.
I think everyone has a million examples in their stash when their parents made a choice for them in childhood. This applies to profession, family life, and other things. And he/she, quite possibly, even succeeded in this profession/family, but it did not bring them happiness. Moreover, in the future this adult cannot decide what he wants, since in order to want something, he constantly needs someone else.
Or another example: a woman refuses to go out with her friends, citing the fact that her man “doesn’t allow her.” When I hear something like this, I fear for those who exist with the inner confidence that someone else can sanction (or not) their pleasure. And he argues this as follows: “relaxing separately is dangerous for relationships”, “sports style of clothing kills sexual desire in men.”
This begs the question, why do you allow someone to determine your social circle, image, modus vivendi? What do you act out in such relationships? And why are you terrified that your partner will leave you?
And needless to say, all this is done out of respect for him. There is no sign of respect here. This is called immaturity and dependence. An immature person, no matter what age, feels like a child inside. He constantly needs a parental figure, which he looks for in others: friends and partners.
A psychologically mature person is able to understand that his own desires are quite normal and adequate, and their implementation can bring pleasure. And for this it is not necessary to “go over your head.”
Traits of a self-sufficient woman
1. She's not afraid to be alone
- neither physically nor psychologically. She is able to solve problems on her own. Nobody said it was easy. But she is able to ask for help if needed; the difficulties that arise do not “kill” her.
2. A self-sufficient woman is unknown.
She is able to form an opinion about what is happening, and not rely on the considerations of her most faithful and closest friends. She can ask for advice if she needs it, but she will decide for herself whether to follow it or not.
3. A self-sufficient woman can take responsibility.
For your actions and their consequences, without blaming bad weather or your horoscope for your failures. For her, the condemnation or approval of others is only a form of feedback, and not a fundamental factor in social behavior.
4. A self-sufficient woman is flexible.
Losing something in this life, experiencing all the pain of loss, she does not lose herself. This flexibility can also manifest itself in relationships with other people. A self-sufficient woman does not suffer from painful attachment to someone; she is able to build relationships with others, clearly understanding her own boundaries and, as a result, respecting the boundaries of others.
Everyone decides for themselves whether to grow or remain at the level of development at which they are. But it seems to me that the ability to be a self-sufficient person opens up interesting prospects and makes it possible to take care of others, since the most important thing - learning to take care of yourself - has already been done!
Only we ourselves know what is best for us. We intuitively feel when we are betraying ourselves and our values, but sometimes we are afraid to say so and defend our opinion, our vision of the situation, our decisions. Sometimes we are so afraid of losing something - a man, a job, the approval of others that we are ready to betray ourselves. First in small things, then in more important matters. It takes inner strength and courage to speak up about what is important to you. And be prepared for the fact that if a person is not ready to hear and accept your values, then he may leave. However, the paradox is that it is honesty with yourself and with others that creates closer and more sincere relationships.
How and in what ways is self-sufficiency manifested?
- Professional activity. A self-sufficient person understands that only he is responsible for his success and his professional development is in his hands.
- Relationship. A self-sufficient person loves communication, but he also feels good and comfortable alone.
- Personal growth. A self-sufficient person constantly develops and finds interest in life.
- Psychological health. A self-sufficient person knows how to manage his emotions. He understands that his emotional state depends only on him.
- Education. A self-sufficient person is, in most cases, a developed intellectual personality.
- Creation. For creativity, the ability to be with oneself is important. In solitude, a person realizes his own depth.
My mood and condition do not depend on others
Our integrity is also reflected in how we react to the moods and actions of other people. Including the beloved man. If any criticism and missed calls make you depressed, then this indicates that you do not feel in harmony with yourself. What hurts us most is that which resonates with our prohibitions to act in this way or, conversely, with our non-acceptance of these qualities in ourselves. Therefore, before you reproach others or shed tears, figure it out with yourself: why you react this way. What's your pet peeve that you keep getting stepped on? Only what we allow to happen happens to us. Once we understand ourselves, everything begins to change in amazing ways. The more independent we become, the less we are provoked and irritated.
About self-sufficiency. 5 signs of a self-sufficient person.
Good day, my dear readers! I would like to share one topic on which, for some reason, very few articles are written, and they rarely talk about it. But, in my opinion, the topic is very important and useful. Today I will talk about self-sufficiency as a personality trait and how useful it can be in everyday life.
So what is self-sufficiency?
There are many opinions. Most people have probably already mentally imagined such an image of a “self-sufficient person” - this is either some kind of lonely hermit or an incredibly proud person. But is true self-sufficiency contained in these two images? In my opinion, there is no self-sufficiency in any of the above examples. So what is it?
How it all started.
I'll tell you my story.
In my youth, in my teenage years, I was outraged by individuals who sought solace in others and could not spend a single minute alone with themselves and their own thoughts, being dependent on public opinion and on the attention or inattention of certain people. At times I even felt sorry for them. After all, in fact, their whole life, their whole essence was a compiled portrait of someone’s opinions, words, judgments and actions. There hasn't been a single moment in their lives devoted to reflecting on who they really are, let alone thinking about what you personally can do that is important and useful, how you can improve someone else's life. -this is life, how you can help others. That's why I always strived for self-sufficiency - I wanted to be the complete opposite of such people. Indeed, in the absence of self-sufficiency, some kind of dependence is inevitably born.
So, what makes a self-sufficient person different?
Firstly, such a person can calmly remain alone with himself. He is able to find time for solitude. And at this time he can reflect on his own life, on his goals and dreams, as well as on what character traits he needs to work on and, in general, where to strive. In solitude you can write, read, plan important events in your life and meetings with people. Of course, “being alone” does not mean watching TV, scrolling through the news feed, or listening to the news. The best background for such moments is silence. It is advisable to turn off the TV, radio and other equipment that reproduces any sounds or images, turn off your phone or at least put it on silent mode. This will allow you to concentrate better.
To this point, I can’t help but share one story that I read once. The story is about children, but any adult could easily find himself in this situation. Scientists conducted an experiment among schoolchildren - they were asked to be alone in a room for a short time (about 20 minutes) and occupy themselves. In the room there were books, sketchbooks, paints, pens, pencils and markers, as well as many toys. But there were no tablets, computers or phones. And what do you think? The children toiled and waited for the end of the experiment so that they would again have the opportunity to play their favorite computer games. They never found anything to do. Can we find something to do in such conditions, if we don’t have our favorite smartphone or tablet at hand?
Secondly, a self-sufficient person strives to develop and improve himself, first of all, and the world around him. Everything around such a person is transformed.
Thirdly, a self-sufficient person always has something to share with others - he is erudite, well-read and educated. This is because development primarily involves the development of intelligence. But not only. By nature, a self-sufficient person is a generous person - he is always ready to share what he has with others - be it material values or spiritual values.
Fourthly, a self-sufficient person does not need increased attention and care, constant presence in someone’s company and, in turn, he does not impose his own society.
And fifthly, another quality of a self-sufficient person is the absence of dependencies (on people, opinions, things, etc.).
And finally. What should you remember?
We came into this world alone, and we will leave it also alone. Clinging to something or someone in this world is not only pointless, but even stupid. The only way out is to understand who you are and why you are here. This, perhaps, is the whole point of gaining that very self-sufficiency.
Thank you for your attention!
I do what I like
When a woman does what she loves, she is inspired, passionate, and full of energy. It is the energy that overwhelms us that is the magnet that attracts attention to us. Those around us, especially men, feel our passion. Any man is excited by a woman who has a favorite thing to do. Her eyes are burning, she is overwhelmed with passion for life, her thoughts are not only occupied with him. And this is again about the courage to be yourself and follow your desires. And if your favorite activity also provides excellent income, then the man understands that you choose him not because you are chasing his money, but because you are interested in him as a person.
Self-sufficiency – what is it?
The definition of self-sufficiency involves a person's ability to cope without external help, as well as maintaining psychological comfort. The basic level of self-sufficiency satisfies needs on the physical plane (providing food, home and clothing, the ability to prepare this food and maintain the house, keeping things in good condition). The next level is psychological self-sufficiency, which concerns the need for another person or communication in general. Manifests itself in a comfortable emotional state, independent of the presence of communication.
A self-sufficient person is interested and comfortable in solitude, it does not frighten him, but provides space for activities, while at the same time maintaining the ability to enjoy interaction. The opposite form of psychological self-sufficiency is psychological dependence and the need for constant contact with a certain person. The broadest level of self-sufficiency is social, including fulfillment in society through an activity that reveals inherent talents and brings pleasure.
Self-sufficiency has a close connection with caring for the health, beauty, strength and purity of one’s own body. Since good physical condition helps to improve health, delay old age, and, accordingly, extend the period of self-sufficiency. In some ways, self-sufficiency is similar to responsibility, and precisely these two qualities help strengthen each other. When you are guided by your own opinion, and do not listen to the advice of others, and then shift responsibility onto them, when you care about your future and try to reduce your dependence as much as possible - you show responsibility for your own life, the decisions made in it, and self-sufficiency in building unique living space.
A self-sufficient person is free from any addictions and public opinion. He does what is relevant to him now, without focusing on social assessment, wears his own clothes, and not those that his friends will approve of. It is a great luxury to allow yourself pleasant communication within a timeframe that suits you. It seems that this is quite rude and selfish behavior, but self-sufficiency is manifested in self-respect and, to the same extent, in the respect of others. So, if we talk about interaction, then a self-sufficient person will endure a conversation that began at an inconvenient moment for him, but he will also not be offended by you if you do the same.
Self-sufficient people attract interest by their courage to live and be themselves, without hiding behind gray masks, the desire to blend in with the crowd or meet expectations. This behavior fascinates and frightens, some may be inspired to discover their own individuality and the person will begin to strive for their dreams, but in others it may give rise to aggression, fear and the desire to push someone who is different into the usual framework. Such fear is due to the lack of control and levers of control of a person for whom the main authority is located within.
I have my own interests, hobbies, things that I am not ready to give up for a man
There is such a beautiful metaphor: when two drops merge into one, they dissolve into each other and lose themselves, and when two lit candles begin to burn together, the flame becomes larger, but each of them can carry its own light. Our passion for our favorite hobbies, sports, and personal development allows us to maintain individuality and uniqueness without becoming a shadow of a man, but on the contrary, opening up new facets of life for him. It is important to find a balance: not to give up everything for a man and not to give up a man for everything. The famous psychologist, coach and writer Marilyn Atkinson says that a couple should spend 12 hours a week together, and the rest of the time can be devoted to something else. And then your life will be full and rich, and not boring and monotonous.
I have my own social circle, friends and fans
Communication with other people inspires and develops, giving us the opportunity to take a fresh look at ourselves and the world. And if a woman isolates herself in a small family world or the world of a relationship with a man, then at some point she falls into the trap of the same type of thoughts and reactions. She becomes predictable, dependent and boring. A circle of friends and fans keeps your perception fresh, the exchange of new information, knowledge, as well as the feeling that you are interesting to many people, including men. It is important that you only communicate and flirt with other men, but in no case cheat on your loved one, as this destroys intimacy. The interest of other men keeps not only you, but also your man in good shape, who understands that he is in a competitive struggle, and it is not a fact that the palm will always remain with him. This gives the relationship a slight unpredictability and at the same time makes it stronger.
How to become a self-sufficient person?
You can start developing self-sufficiency with the recommendations of psychologists:
- Learn to treat any situation as simply as possible - both when you are praised and admired, and when you are reprimanded for something, reproached for something, or expressed dissatisfaction.
- When you have to be alone, accept this state by cultivating the perception of personal space and time free from everything and everyone as a serious value.
- Train yourself: spend your days alone with yourself, knocking out all your gadgets, not turning on the TV, not going online, not communicating with relatives, friends and acquaintances.
- Project in your mind situations where you are left without the support of people dear to you in order to gain the experience of loneliness and independence and develop in yourself the strong-willed qualities inherent in self-sufficient people.
- Mentally recreate pleasant memories and emotions in your memory, think about whether there is some way to get the same sensations without the participation of other people - being just alone.
- Analyze your life and the people from your social circle, and approach it critically: what and who do you really need, is there a spiritual connection with someone, and what and who is just taking up time?
- Practice independent decision-making as often as possible, turn to other people for advice and tips less often - this will form a new habit and develop the skill of taking responsibility for everything that happens.
- Analyze yourself and make a list of all the qualities and skills that may be useful to you in a completely independent life; think about what goals will lead you to complete independence.
- Read books, quotes and aphorisms of famous people and outstanding personalities on the topic of self-sufficiency, self-confidence, independence and other qualities necessary for an independent person.
- Stop demanding and expecting anything from other people, hoping for someone’s help, looking for support and sympathy from others - start thinking, behaving and living like an adult.
- Get used to serving yourself and your needs yourself. This applies to everything: from getting up in the morning, cooking, washing clothes and cleaning the house to earning money, choosing a place to work, setting goals and objectives.
- Take care of yourself and your body, eat right, exercise, start leading a healthy lifestyle - all this will allow you to stay young and healthy, and enjoy every day you live.
- Set goals. They must cover different time periods, i.e. you need to set goals for the day, week, month, year and even more, but the most important thing is to do at least something on your own every day to achieve them.
Along with these recommendations, take note of the rules of self-sufficient people. In general, there are not many of them, but they are of particular value.
I don't reveal all my secrets and problems
The ability to keep something silent also increases interest and desire to get to know you more deeply. When a woman shares too openly the details of her life - her pains and problems, the flair of mystery and romanticism is lost. At such moments, a man begins to feel like a pathologist, in front of whom all his insides are being turned out. It is not surprising that after this not only sexual attraction disappears, but also simply the desire to communicate. The feeling that there is a stranger next to you, even if you have been living with him for twenty years, does not allow you to let go. And the very thought that you have little secrets excites and excites.
I do not allow myself to be neglected, humiliated and disrespected
Sometimes we confuse acceptance with connivance. Acceptance is when we understand that everyone has their own path and their own manifestations, we respect a person on a deep level, but at the same time we do not allow him to violate our boundaries. Clear rules about what is acceptable to you and what you will never tolerate make people listen to you and respect your values. It is important to talk about this and agree, without blaming, but firmly declaring your position and principles, feelings and expectations on issues that are really important to you.
I am well-groomed, well dressed, educated
A self-sufficient woman knows her worth and invests time and money in herself. How we treat ourselves, how much we value ourselves, determines how others treat us and value us. When a woman forgets about herself, does not develop, does not pamper herself with beautiful clothes and self-care, men - and everyone around her - regard this as her disrespect for herself and allow her to be treated the same way. But the point is not what men think and how they perceive us, but the fact that self-love fills us with energy, inspiration and joy!
I don't throw tantrums for any reason
Wise and self-sufficient women are characterized by composure and the ability to control their emotions. This does not mean that she is always smooth and calm. She can throw a tantrum when she is absolutely calm inside and remain outwardly calm when a storm of emotions is raging inside. It is this contrast that gives it piquancy, and the relationship - sharpness. But her performances are precisely controlled and thoughtful, and this is what gives them such power and makes them memorable. When a woman is hysterical too often, this only speaks of her lack of self-confidence and inner promiscuity.
I choose the best and don't settle for less.
A self-sufficient woman can allow herself to be herself, defend her principles, do what she loves, communicate and live a full life without getting hung up on a man and at the same time always find time for him and give him love without demanding anything in return. But at the same time, she can allow herself to choose the best man for herself, realizing her strengths and accepting her shortcomings, and knowing “that it is better to be alone than to be with just anyone.” And loneliness does not make her unhappy, but on the contrary, it allows her to remain in harmony with herself, without wasting herself on unnecessary relationships, meetings and affairs. By choosing the best, you become stronger.
Every woman sooner or later thinks about how to be self-sufficient. To become an independent and confident woman. The concept itself consists of two parts - “wealth” and “sama”. Therefore, when a woman can provide income herself, and therefore well-being in life, then she will be self-sufficient.
A successful woman behaves differently; she can be seen from afar. She is confident, well-groomed, attractive to others, and sociable. She loves herself, enjoys life, lives in harmony with the world. So there is room for improvement.
A woman needs self-sufficiency in order to always be able to achieve her goals.
A self-sufficient woman is:
- the ability to manage one’s internal forces;
— overcoming material and emotional dependence on others;
- turning disadvantages into advantages that work for yourself;
— ensuring autonomy and independence when solving problems.
An important point is to confront the emotions of your husband, parents, friend, because any addiction is living at the expense of other resources. In order not to depend on anyone, you need to arrange your own life. When achieving self-sufficiency, you need to be not only beautiful, but also smart. It takes a strong spirit and self-confidence. But we must remember that we have to face hatred and envy. A successful person must be able to resist such base emotions.
Helpful Tips:
- You need to love yourself and take care of yourself.
- There is no need to envy others. Every person goes through a certain stage of the journey. If someone has achieved more, then this person has gone through more stages in life.
— If there were negative phenomena in the past, they must be erased from memory. So that energy is spent on building a successful future.
“You shouldn’t be too proud, because such pride can prevent you from achieving certain goals.”
— It is necessary to respect people because they can be useful in different situations.
“You shouldn’t feel sorry for yourself, only a happy woman can become self-sufficient.”
- You can't deceive yourself. When you lie to yourself less, your relationships with others will be of high quality.
— Rely on your own intuition, listen to your inner voice. This makes it easier to understand your calling.
If a woman is self-sufficient, then she will always solve the problems that arise, see the essence of the event, and adequately perceive reality.
A self-sufficient woman has a purpose. The main thing is to create a rational and independent image.
Many adults who have left parental care continue to believe that the whole world owes them something, at least they should definitely be loved and respected. But, excuse me, for what? There are two ways to be happy: to prove to the whole world that you are worthy of love (almost impossible) or to be a self-sufficient person.
Many people believe that you just need to learn how to become self-sufficient and everything else will happen. Alas, this is not true. You'll have to work hard.
Distinctive features of a self-sufficient personality
A self-sufficient person knows exactly what he wants and how he will achieve it.
She does not need help or advice on how to act in a given situation. She acts independently and evaluates her actions. Although she listens to other people's advice, since they are valuable, she reserves the last choice for herself. A self-sufficient person feels comfortable alone. She enjoys it. She is never bored or lonely. She will always find something interesting to do. Even if he doesn’t find it, he will enjoy the peace and quiet. It is often said that such people live quietly alone all their lives. Although they have many acquaintances and friends with whom he is constantly in touch.
At any age, single or unmarried self-sufficient people will feel comfortable. They don’t want to be like everyone else, they don’t want to live by standards.
Distinguishes a self-sufficient personality and an attitude towards criticism. When self-sufficient people express dissatisfaction with something, they react adequately. They will listen, think about what is said, and take note. However, they will not enter into conflict disputes.
Self-sufficient people never envy. They are satisfied with what they themselves were able to achieve. People are aware of their strengths and weaknesses and are conscious of mistakes and imperfections. They take them for granted, so they won’t redo anything.
Only if psychological comfort is violated will they take any action to change something. People are not lazy, but simply do not consider it necessary to do something, since they do not need it.
Self-sufficiency is considered a positive character trait. It helps you feel and find your place in life, love and respect your loved ones, and be responsible in any situation. Self-sufficient people are full-fledged individuals.
The physical side of self-sufficiency
Those who decide to become self-sufficient must first learn to be independent in everyday matters.
And this means that you need to live without anyone's help. You need to earn a living. Modern people need food, housing, and household goods. In addition to minimal things, individuals have more serious needs that require financial investments. For this you will need material self-sufficiency
It is this that is important when some people depend on others
Internal self-sufficiency
Despite the fact that the material side is of great importance in people's lives, it is difficult for them to live without constant communication.
If a person cannot live even a day alone, then there can be no talk of any self-sufficiency. If you have a hobby, you won’t be bored – this is how self-sufficient people approach life. They can easily be alone with themselves and at the same time not avoid communicating with other people.
Material independence
This is the simplest part of the answer to how to become independent, because, oddly enough, it is the easiest to achieve. People can overcome any difficulties if they clearly see the light at the end of the tunnel. But a financially self-sufficient person is not only one who does not borrow money from neighbors before payday. Everything material is considered material.
An independent individual knows how to cook, do his own laundry, and clean his apartment. A self-sufficient woman should be able to unclog a drain, hammer a nail and change a tire. Self-sufficient men should not ask their mother to sew on a button. On the other hand, you don’t have to be able to do all this if you can earn money and just pay for the services.
Psychological independence
This is a problem that modern people have difficulty solving. Sometimes, by all outward appearances, a self-sufficient woman, who is both a galloping horse and a hut, will arrive at her luxurious cottage, drive the Lexus into the garage and sit on the marble porch, crying. I don’t want to go into an empty house and be self-sufficient and lonely in it.
Parents
Let’s not talk about sad things, but let’s try to “break the umbilical cord” with our beloved parents. How often does a financially self-sufficient person continue to prove something to his mother with all his actions, to take offense at her innocent reproaches, remaining a rebellious teenager even at 40 years old.
Look at your beloved relatives from a distance. Your accountant is probably the same age, but with her you can joke on the brink of a foul, discuss her handbag. Learn to perceive your mother as just a woman, condescendingly forgiving in silence, understanding without clarifying the relationship and never ceasing to love, and you will gradually become friends.
Friends
It’s just wonderful that you have a hundred rubles and a hundred friends. Look around. Now you want to learn how to become independent from them too. A completely self-sufficient person will not ask a friend for help, cry into his vest, ask for advice, or take into account his opinion. But how many of your current friends will agree with this arrangement in the relationship and how many of them will remain friends.
You won't like the answer. Because weak individuals will remain with you, not self-sufficient people who will live using you. Example: if your friend has never asked you for advice, to help hang wallpaper or just to discuss her husband, will you open up to her or at least just consider her a friend?
Society
Are you seriously looking for an answer to the question of how to become self-sufficient in society?! Then read the most serious and honest answer: no way. All people are dependent on their environment, and the environment is society. However, if you go into the remote taiga and conduct subsistence farming, you can break almost all the threads of dependence and become an almost self-sufficient person. The word “almost” is appropriate here because you will still be dependent on the company of wild animals and nature.
Positive and negative self-sufficiency
From the definition of the term self-sufficiency it is clear that this quality is useful for everyone to develop. Essentially, it's a great social survival skill. However, like all multidimensional concepts relating to the human psyche, self-sufficiency can have a distorted manifestation in which it causes harm.
An example of healthy and positive household self-sufficiency would be a person who earns enough money. He organized the delivery of food, mastered all the advances in technology for self-sufficiency and does not need outside help.
This situation develops into a negative manifestation quite quickly, immediately after such a person completely limits contact with society and closes himself in his isolated world. Thus, overdeveloped everyday self-sufficiency gradually destroys social skills. All this can ultimately lead to personal changes.
Signs of healthy psychological self-sufficiency are manifested in the ability to experience moments of loneliness, not to impose on people, the ability to solve all your emerging issues without advice or shifting responsibility
However, when such a person stops taking into account the opinions of others and taking initiative in communication, he is left alone
Remember at what point you lose the desire to call your friend, whom you need to constantly invite to meet, but he condescendingly accepts the invitation or refuses. It is much more pleasant to call someone who appears periodically and offers interesting ideas for spending time together.
Socially, negative self-sufficiency can look like manifestations of know-it-all and tyranny. What is the point of considering yourself the coolest specialist if you are still not called to work because of your difficult character?!
Likewise, seeking constant social support for one's achievements only creates the appearance of success. Someone who really takes responsibility for their life and actions, hobbies and interests does not close themselves off from people and does not show snobbery. On the contrary, such people are always open to practical advice and wise suggestions, but they reserve the final decision for themselves.
For a mature person, the reaction of others is only feedback
It may or may not be taken into account depending on the importance of the goals, but it is never a determining factor in behavior or decision making
Lonely and self sufficient
Notice how many single women there are around who have been married but no longer want to be there. It is they who raise the issue of women's independence. In fact, a single, self-sufficient woman is unnatural. They got burned, despaired and learned to live alone. Yes, they know how to hammer nails, hang wallpaper, calculate their budget so that it is enough for gifts for children.
They are not self-sufficient because they want to sleep alone in their double bed. They simply can no longer please a drunk man, cry from insults and listen to rustling noises outside the door until the morning. Better than one! This is such sad self-sufficiency.
Self-sufficiency in the simplest words is when your own company is enough for you to be happy.
You are not afraid of loneliness, you can solve life’s problems yourself, since you have the necessary skills for this. It presupposes strength and self-confidence, in one’s position in life, and the ability to make decisions. A kind of man-island who only lets you in on excursions.
I consider the words of Oscar Wilde to be the motto of self-sufficiency:
❝You will continue to be unhappy as long as you believe that others make you happy❞.
Without which there is no self-sufficiency:
- without a profession that would bring material income and satisfaction.
- without a passion or hobby: such a person does not think about what to do with himself or where to spend his free time.
- without certain qualities, congenital or acquired: you may have to.
Qualities that distinguish a self-sufficient person:
- Tolerance of loneliness (or lack of fear of loneliness). There are people who simply cannot be alone. Are you one of those people?
- Inner strength. Being completely responsible for yourself, your actions, decisions, choices and your life in general is not easy.
- Self confidence. Without the confidence that you can achieve everything and without outside help, you are unlikely to succeed.
- Determination. The “Island Man” is usually a successful person who sets goals for himself and knows how to achieve them.
- Selfishness. You think first of all about your happiness and your goals in life.
- Alienation. You will have to learn to keep at a distance those who want to stay in your life.
Thus, in order to become self-sufficient, you need to develop the appropriate qualities (or already have them), identify a goal in life and master a profession that would bring in enough money so as not to depend on others financially (ideally, your hobby and profession should coincide) .
It would seem that everything is simple. But I want to warn you that such independence implies, first of all, loneliness, distance from other people (but not isolation!). Therefore, we can only talk about it at a certain period of life. Self-sufficiency and family are incompatible.
I believe that self-sufficiency is mainly the prerogative of men. A woman will always need love, support, children, she will be dependent, as she strives for fusion.
And the island man values, above all, freedom and independence. He does not look back at authorities, does not care about other people’s opinions, does not seek help, does not grieve about the past and does not savor the mistakes he has made, and does not condemn himself for them.
Here's what Stephen Covey writes about independence in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People:
Independence is expressed by the I-paradigm - I can do this; I am responsible; I rely on myself; I can choose.
If I am physically independent, then I can do everything perfectly well on my own. If in the intellectual sense, I can think independently, I am subject to different levels of abstract thinking. I can think creatively and analytically, as well as formulate and present my thoughts in an understandable form. If I am emotionally independent, then all my statements and actions are generated by my internal reasons. I control my own actions. My sense of worth does not depend on how well or poorly others treat me or treat me.
True independence of character motivates us to act rather than be influenced. It frees us from our dependence on circumstances and other people and is a worthy, liberating goal. However, independence is not the end goal of an effective life.
Interdependence is a much more mature, more progressive concept. If I am physically interdependent, then even though I am confident and efficient, I understand that you and I, working together, can do much more than I can do alone, even if I try very hard. If I am emotionally interdependent, then while I have self-esteem, I still have the need to give and love others, as well as to be loved. If I am intellectually interdependent, I recognize that in order to enrich my thoughts I need to borrow the best that others have.
What is self-sufficiency
Self-sufficiency is a person’s awareness that only he is responsible for his own happiness. Such a person does not need anyone or anything to make him complete and happy.
A self-sufficient person cares about his own needs and achievements. He knows how to set a goal and move in his own direction. Such a person is never bored alone; he will always find something interesting to do. Self-sufficient people often achieve success in their activities.
A self-sufficient person is independent of the opinions of others and does not like it when anyone controls his actions or tells him what to do.
Self-sufficiency gives a person the opportunity to make their own informed decisions and focus their choices on themselves and their intuition.
The path to self-sufficiency is constant development.
