Misogyny as the inner self: how to find a misogynist in a man and help him recover

Candidate of Sociological Sciences and psychologist Yulia Medvedeva helps to find and recognize a misogynist. And also to help him. “The less we love a woman, the easier it is for her to like us...”, Eugene Onegin was convinced. Only now the rake’s convictions failed him, and he was left with nothing - dejected and alone. And all because the disdainful attitude towards women returned a hundredfold, both in the 18th century and in the 21st. But, if Pushkin’s hero was known as simply a lightweight youth who had no time to think about the philosophical side of his behavior, then some of his real contemporaries went out of their way to prove their superiority over the weaker sex.

Yulia Medvedeva

Together with candidate of sociological sciences, psychologist Yulia Medvedeva, we looked into the causes of such a phenomenon as misogyny, or misogyny. It turned out that not only men suffer from it. And here’s why, answers Julia.

Misogyny in religion[ | ]

In Christianity[ | ]

There are many denominations in Christianity that differ from each other. The ban on the female priesthood, the Vatican's anti-abortion policy, and some dogmas, such as the requirement for women to remain silent in the church, are usually considered manifestations of misogyny. The latter is prescribed in 1 Cor. 14:34: “Let your wives be silent in the churches, for it is not lawful for them to speak, but to be in subjection, as the law also says.”

(ancient Greek αἱ γυναῖκες ὑμῶν ἐν ταῖς ἐκκλησίαις σιγάτωσαν· οὐ γὰρ ἐπιτέτρ απται αὐταῖς λαλεῖν, ἀλλʼ ὑποτάσσεσθαι, καθὼς καὶ ὁ νόμος λέγει).

In Islam[ | ]

There are many documented cases of misogynistic written and oral statements by Islamic mullahs justifying honor killings and domestic violence against women[7].

The 34th verse of the fourth sura of the Koran “Women (An-Nisa)” affirms the superiority of men over women[7].

“Men are trustees of women because Allah has given some of them preference over others, and because they spend from their wealth. Righteous women are submissive and keep what they are supposed to keep in the absence of their husbands, thanks to the care of Allah. And those women whose disobedience you fear, admonish them, avoid them from the marital bed, and beat them. If they are submissive to you, then do not look for a way against them. Verily, Allah is Exalted, Great."

Original text (Ar.)

الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَع All rights reserved. لِحَاتُ قَانِتَاتٌ حَافِظَاتٌ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ اللَّهُ وَا للَّاتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا ع َلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّا كَبِيرًا

— Koran 4:34, translation by Islamic scholar and theologian E. R. Kuliev[8]

In Hinduism[ | ]

The laws of Manu require that a woman spend her entire life under the protection of her father, husband, son (depending on the woman’s age), relative or, in their absence, the prince, and prohibit her from seeking independence [ source not specified 258 days

].

In Sikhism[ | ]

The Sikh faith itself is not misogynistic, but honor killings and domestic violence have become part of Sikh culture due to misogynistic interpretations[7].

Certain ideas about gender traits

From a very young age, we are taught that feminine personality traits are emotional, overly sensitive, physically weak, less intelligent, consistent, easily manipulated, nurturing, fearful, clumsy and kind. In this case, male character traits are: strong, persistent, cruel, leader, manipulative, lonely, smart, capable, average, practical, reliable, athletic and dominant.

These are obviously not traits that everyone agrees on today. Men can gossip, women can save lives or can manipulate, and both sexes can be kind or cruel to the same extent. It is important to recognize that along with socially prescribed gender roles comes a certain set of privileges (or lack thereof) that cannot be ignored.

This is an insidious problem in our culture, fueled by sexism and hatred of women. Almost every representative of the “weaker” sex experiences its echoes throughout her life. What is internalized misogyny and how can we fight against it?

Misogyny in Western philosophy of the 18th-19th centuries[ | ]

Misogynistic[ specify

] views have been expressed by many Western philosophers. Thus, Otto Weininger in his book “Sex and Character” calls the feminine principle “insignificant”, devoid of real existence, consciousness and rationality[9].

The German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer's essay "On Women" (German: Ueber die Weiber) in Parerga and Paralipomena[en] is misogynistic, where he states that "woman by nature is doomed to obedience"

, and also that
“between men there is by nature a simple indifference;
There is already natural hostility between women” [10][11].

Friedrich Nietzsche associated higher forms of civilization with tighter control over women (Beyond Good and Evil, 7:238). He is known for making misogynistic remarks such as “Are you going to a woman? Don't forget the whip"

[12].

Interesting questions

How can internalized misogyny manifest itself? How do you know if you have shades of misogynistic thinking? Here are some questions you can ask yourself. Some of these may help you see things from a different perspective:

1. Do you tend to value, trust and respect male teachers more than female teachers?
2. Do you find yourself sometimes saying, “I need a man’s opinion,” on various topics?
3. Are you not working out, or not working out the way you want to, because you've been told that women shouldn't do certain types of exercise (like lifting weights), or that muscles are unfeminine or “look ugly” on women?
4. You use phrases like “real men...” or “real girls...”
5. Do you only compete with other women for men or women?
6. Do you think girls are better or worse based solely on their looks?
7. You say things like: "I'm only friends with guys because women..."
8. Do you feel unworthy of loyalty in friendships and romantic relationships?
9. Do you feel unsafe or insecure when a woman is in charge of a common cause?
10. Do you think being on time or being prepared matters less when working with women?
11. Do you think that women are physically weak and should be taken care of by men?
12. Do you think men should be “alphas” and girls should be submissive?
13. Do you think there are jobs that are not suitable for women or that women should not have?
14. Do you underestimate women's talents and extol men's?
15. Do you think all girls should strive to achieve one specific body type?

The way we see ourselves and our gender can affect the way we eat, date, exercise, prepare for education, and dream.

If ever there was a topic that needed deeper exploration to truly understand what goes on behind the curtain in our own minds, it is this one. Hatred towards women or men - where does it come from and how to fight it?

Misogyny in cyberspace[ | ]

Misogynistic rhetoric is widespread on the Internet and is becoming increasingly violent. Public debate over gender-based attacks is heating up, sometimes leading to calls for political intervention and leading to greater responsiveness on the part of social media platforms such as Facebook and Twitter.[13][14]

Based on the results of a 2020 study conducted by the think tank Demos, it was concluded that 50% of all misogynistic tweets on Twitter belong to women themselves[15].

Most of those suffering from misogyny are publicly known women who talk about receiving threats, and women who are perceived to be associated with feminism. The authors of misogynistic messages are usually anonymous or difficult to identify. Their rhetoric includes misogynistic epithets, sexual objectification, focusing on women's appearance, and prescribing sexual violence as a corrective for such women. Examples of famous women who have spoken out about misogynistic attacks include Anita Sarkeesian, Laurie Penny, Caroline Criado Perez, Stella Creecy. and Lindy West (English)Russian[13].

Insults and threats against different women are usually very similar. Sadie Doyle, who has been the target of online threats, talks about abuse and the fact that "we're all called the same things, in the same tone."[13]

MISOGYNY OR WHY WOMEN HATE WOMEN

We all do THIS.

Absolutely each of us, at least once in our lives, snorted and rolled our eyes, looking at the handbag of a random passer-by or the shoes of our ex-girlfriend’s new girlfriend. We are all not without sin. Have you ever wondered how often you judge other women? But this phenomenon even has a name.

Misogyny. This unusual word for our ears is used to describe women’s dislike for women. The term has Greek roots: misos - disgust, gyne - woman.

We often evaluate other women by assigning them various unflattering characteristics. And, for some reason, it is in our country that this has already become a good (actually not) tradition. I’ll tell you more, Russian girls abroad can be identified instantly. And not by clothes, but by the appraising look.

Why do we even judge other women? Perhaps this is how we assert ourselves. By belittling, hanging labels left and right, we seem to make it clear to others: she’s bad, but I’m not like that, I’m good.

In fact, it’s a so-so option for raising self-esteem, because there is a second side to this falsely shiny medal. Let's be honest, every time we judge others, we feel that we are being judged too. And the circle closes. Instead of friendly chirping birds, if necessary, we can turn into a pack of hyenas. In this situation, if trouble happens to any of us, or a situation where we need female support, we won’t have to count on a friendly shoulder. But there is as much negativity and contempt as you want.

Sometimes there is a feeling that we live in conditions of severe competition. For many of us, it is important to attract the attention of the opposite sex and stand out. And that's not bad! But often, without even always realizing it, we wage war with each other for men. You never know, maybe that special someone will notice not you, but the neighbor. It’s like it’s genetically inherent in our women.

Sometimes hatred goes beyond personal life and turns into professional bullying, which is also so-so. After all, no one stops us from doing our job well, winning our place in the sun, without throwing mud at others. Abroad, colleagues and even competitors always support each other, because joint projects and quality support strengthen the business community and each of its participants.

Surprisingly, the overwhelming majority of authors of negative comments under bloggers’ posts are women. Let me remind you that ¾ of Instagram’s audience are also women. And in most cases, derogatory, evaluative comments relate specifically to appearance.

A LITTLE STATISTICS

Yes, this is how our mothers and grandmothers lived, criticizing and condemning other women. But they had at least some reason for this - competition. For every 1,000 women after the Great Patriotic War, there were 615 men. And when in the 50s of the last century a general population census was carried out in the Soviet Union, we saw that there were 11 million more women in the country than men. Then our grandmothers really had something to share. But today the picture has changed.

Last year, Rosstat calculated that for every 1,000 men under 35, we have 960 women. Stop competing. You can win a man without putting other women down.

American scientists even conducted research and found out that men do not like it when women scold each other in front of them. But, as for me, you don’t need to be an American scientist to understand and admit this :)

WHAT IF YOU DO THE OPPOSITE?

Imagine how life will change if instead of negative comments we start giving each other compliments!

Let's not hurt others by giving verbal slaps and nasty looks and getting the same in return? What is the meaning and pleasure in such interaction? Adults and mature people, who have everything in order with their psyche and self-esteem, cannot behave so destructively.

Look at the Americans, they have absolutely no practice of judging appearance. On the contrary, these people are polite and their focus is on the positive. The world around them becomes beautiful because they pay attention to the good.

Passers-by on the streets compliment each other EVERY MINUTE. “Nice a shoes”, “nice bag”, “pretty kids” - these are examples of what I hear every time from complete strangers in Los Angeles and New York. Because it’s customary for them to focus on the pleasant, instead of pouring poop on other people’s shoes. Moreover, these are not your shoes. What difference does it make what someone is wearing? In my opinion, the only important shoes are those that I personally choose for myself.

For comparison, look at how the audience reacts to the photo of blogger @lemybeauty in America. I already talked about it in the article about legs.

“You’re cool”, “goddess”, “you inspire me so much” - this is what this girl hears about herself every day. And that's okay. Because this is true!

And, of course, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t mention the Kardashian family here. Of course, with all the pros and cons that can be said about them, one of the most important things they do is promote the average body and curves. Sometimes I get the feeling that all the sisters deliberately do not become skinny, because they understand that then they will lose the audience of ordinary women. They look like hundreds of other women, showing by their example how you can love yourself AND OTHERS, without any “ifs”.

Yes, you can tell me now that Americans are a very specific nation, and all this friendliness is for show. So be it. But for the most part, we Russians also find it very difficult to get close to people. But we can easily hang up labels.

For me, ostentatious politeness is better than open aggression and bullying.

Why “harass” someone else’s clothing size, style, nose, legs, skin color or eye shape? The entire civilized world considers this unacceptable. But we kind of feel the same way about him. After all, you can focus on the good, and if you notice something in others, then only in a kind, positive way. Pay attention to positive things. And then the world, right before our eyes, will begin to paint in completely different colors.

This is what I mean. Even if right now we catch ourselves with that very appraising look, isn’t it time to change the strategy of behavior developed by generations of our mothers and grandmothers. And instead of “what have you put on yourself,” say “you have an awesome bag.”

We really have no reason to compete! Meanwhile, we continue to act ugly towards each other. And then we ourselves suffer from it. And I suggest you don’t forget about karma - you will get back in full for every nasty thing you do to another person. The only way to stop this is to learn to see the good in people and pay both your attention and the attention of others to these things.

Let's support each other.

By the way, the ShSh Army began to practice a benevolent approach a long time ago! I personally saw several times in real offline life how girls recognized each other by their clothing style in fitting rooms and got to know each other by complimenting each other. And it’s impossible to count how many kind words there are in the comments on ShSh’s Instagram.

Whoever is full of what, shares it :-)

Thank you for this, girls! Every day you make the world we live in more beautiful!

And this, by the way, is the mission of the Shopping School.

I help girls see their own beauty in order to live among happy and kind people :-) After all, a happy woman brings joy, raises happy children and inspires the man next to her to do the best.

All the best!

Transmisogyny[ | ]

Main article: Transmisogyny

A special form of oppression that trans women are subjected to is highlighted - transmisogyny, which is the intersectional intersection of transphobia and misogyny[16]. Transgender women are systematically marginalized not simply for violating gender norms, but also because, in a male-dominated society, they choose to abandon their privileged status as men in favor of a despised and devalued femininity.[16] This form of discrimination is based on traditional sexism - “the belief that femininity is lower in value than masculinity, and exists primarily in the interests of the latter” [17], as well as on oppositional sexism, that is, “the belief that women and men are rigid, mutually exclusive categories”[18][16].

Is it possible to get rid of misogyny?

With a hidden form of misogyny, it is very difficult to recognize an obvious sexist. The situation is further aggravated by the fact that none of the men admits their problem voluntarily.

That is why the first stage of treatment will be the awareness of the problem by the man himself. However, not everyone will be able to completely get rid of a psychological disorder, given that the severity of psychosis, as well as the inability to identify its causes, can become an obstacle.

So, to identify the severity of psychosis, as well as its elimination, it is advisable for a man to visit a psychotherapist who will help not only determine the root cause, but also determine treatment methods.

For this type of psychosis, the following measures can be applied:

• drug treatment;
• psychological therapy.

Version of feminism[ | ]

Proponents of one version believe that misogyny is a consequence of the Madonna and Whore complex, which consists of the inability to view women as anything other than in the role of either a “mother” or a “whore” (harlot). People with such a complex classify every woman they meet into one of these two categories. Proponents of another version see one of the reasons for misogyny in the fact that some men adhere to the virgin/whore dichotomy and, as a result of this position, consider any women who do not adhere to the Abrahamic standard of moral purity to be “whores.”[19]

At the end of the 20th century, proponents of second-wave feminism argued that misogyny was both a cause and a result of a patriarchal social structure.[20]

Sociologist Michael Flood (English)Russian. argued that "misandry lacks the systemic, transhistorical, institutionalized and legislative antipathy of misogyny"[21].

Causes

The causes of misogyny have several directions, and the first, most decisive one is the traditions of upbringing, which convey patriarchy to a greater or lesser extent. The stereotypical behavior of elders does not give either girls or boys the choice to develop their own attitude to reality, but approximately the same thing is transmitted in every family of the same society - which is why such behavior is internalized and perceived as the only correct one.

The echoes of the war, when there were few men left, and it was difficult to survive without them, give the position that a woman should take care of work, life and family, while not contradicting and pleasing the man in every possible way, because otherwise he will go where it is better, and she won’t find another. A few centuries ago, people survived only in communities, because it was easier and, again, all household responsibilities were transferred to women. Men could afford relaxation, hobbies or scientific activities, while women did not have enough strength for this. The Church and various religious movements actively supported this state of affairs, leaving only the reproductive function to the woman, from which she could not get out (oral contraceptives, and therefore the ability for a woman to regulate pregnancy, have been around for less than a century).

Another aspect of upbringing is abuse by a woman. If a child is raised to be schizoid, emotionally unavailable, or she used frequent punishment, then in the end everything feminine is perceived as negative. The psyche does not have the opportunity to separate the maternal image and the image of everything feminine, especially in the early stages or without the help of a psychotherapist, and as a result, the psychological defense of objectification is activated and then there is a complete exclusion of the possible source of suffering. This can only be done by reducing its significance (when intellectual abilities decrease), demand (it speaks of the uselessness of women) and involvement (separation of oneself at the level of appearance and activity).

The role of a man and father is the main one and it is he who is afraid to be disturbed. So from childhood it is learned that a man’s sleep is sacred, but a woman must get up before everyone else in order to have time to make breakfast and get herself in order; she can be woken up in the middle of the night by loud steps or even come after midnight, leaving out the feminine need for rest and tomorrow’s responsibilities since morning. There was always money for bearings for the car, but buying new boots was considered a waste. These are all examples of how small family situations in a child’s psyche develop into a belief in female unimportance. As a result, no matter what arguments and data a woman uses, her invention can be ridiculed only because of her gender. This is what mothers themselves teach and this is the attitude given by the men around them when they laugh and don’t even want to start taking a motorcycle driving test based on gender.

Women themselves, observing that the attitude towards men is better and the world is patriarchal, on a psychological level begin to move away from the feminine and try to classify themselves as masculine. This includes a refusal to wear jewelry, constantly wearing jeans, the ability to disassemble an engine, and a complete lack of understanding of cosmetic trends. Yes, this brings men closer to understanding, but does not allow them to develop side by side and understand the differences, care for and recognize the female world. The woman herself becomes a stranger among everyone. Another reason is the presence of one’s own trauma when communicating with some woman, and then they are all classified as bad, insidious or bitches. Frequent statements that women are bitchy, and that the female team is the worst, come precisely from misogynists who received a professional injury while interacting with one employee and were unable to process her.

Notes[ | ]

1. Definition of misogyny in English by Oxford Dictionaries (British & World English) (English). Oxford Dictionaries | English. Retrieved December 9, 2020.
2. Lorraine Code
   (2000). Encyclopedia of Feminist Theories (1st ed.). L.: Routledge. p. 346. ISBN 0-415-13274-6
3. Kostikova I.V. et al.
   Introduction to gender studies (Russian). - 2nd ed. - M.: Aspect Press, 2005. - P. 26-29. — 255 s. — (Series “Classical University Textbook”). — ISBN 5-7567-0331-4.
4. Blokh I.
   History of prostitution
5. JW Roberts
   (2002-06-01). City of Socrates: An Introduction to Classical Athens. ISBN 978-0-203-19479-9.
6. David D. Gilmore.
   Misogyny: The Male Malady: [English]. - University of Pennsylvania Press, 2001. - P. 121. - ISBN 0-8122-3608-4.
7. ↑ 1 2 3 Andy J. Johnson.
   Religion and Men's Violence Against Women: [English]. - Springer, 2015. - P. 36. - ISBN 978-1-4939-2266-6.
8. Kuliev E. R.
   Meaningful translation and comments by E. R. Kuliev. - M.: Eksmo, 2012. - 808 p. — ISBN 978-5-699-60169-1. — ISBN 978-5-94824-180-7.
9. Gerald Izenberg, Chandak Sengoopta (2001). “Otto Weininger: Sex, Science, and Self in Imperial Vienna.” The American Historical Review
   [English].
   106
   (3): 1074–1075. DOI:10.2307/2692497. ISSN 0002-8762.
10. Robert L. Wicks.
    The Oxford Handbook of Schopenhauer: [English]. - Oxford University Press, 2020. - P. 544. - ISBN 978-0-19-066007-9.
11. Arthur Schopenhauer.
    About women
12. Peter J. Burgard
    (May 1994). Nietzsche and the Feminine. Charlottesville, VA: University of Virginia Press. p. 11. ISBN 0-8139-1495-7.
13. ↑ 1 2 3 Jane, Emma Alice.
    'Back to the kitchen, cunt': speaking the unspeakable about online misogyny (English) // Continuum: Journal of Media & Cultural Studies (English) Russian. : journal. — 2014. — Vol. 28, no. 4. - P. 558-570. - doi:10.1080/10304312.2014.924479.
14. Philipovic, Jill.
    Blogging While Female: How Internet Misogyny Parallels Real-World Harassment // Yale Journal of Law and Feminism (English) Russian. : journal. - 2007. - Vol. 19, no. 2. - P. 295-303.
15. Twitter abuse - '50% of misogynistic tweets from women', BBC
16. ↑ 1 2 3 Arayasirikul, Sean;
    Wilson, Erin C. Spilling the T on Trans-Misogyny and Microaggressions: An Intersectional Oppression and Social Process Among Trans Women // Journal of Homosexuality (English) Russian. : journal. — 2018. — Vol. 66, no. 10. - P. 1415—1438. — ISSN 0091-8369. - doi:10.1080/00918369.2018.1542203.
17. Serano, J., 2020, p. 14.
18. Serano, J., 2020, p. 13.
19. Wyman, Leah M.;
    Dionisopolous, George N. Transcending The Virgin/Whore Dichotomy: Telling Mina's Story in
    Bram Stoker's Dracula
    // Women's Studies in Communication (English) Russian. : journal. - 2000. - Vol. 23, no. 2. - P. 209-237. - doi:10.1080/07491409.2000.10162569.
20. Eg, Kate Millet's Sexual Politics
    , adapted from her doctoral dissertation is normally cited as the originator of this viewpoint; though Katharine M Rogers had also published similar ideas previously.
21. Michael;
    Flood. International encyclopedia of men and masculinities (English). - 2007. - ISBN 978-0-415-33343-6.

Literature[ | ]

• Freud Z.
  Leonardo da Vinci. Childhood memories // Freud Z. Artist and fantasy / General. ed., comp., intro. Art. R. F. Dodeltseva, K. M. Dolgova; Per. with him. R. F. Dodeltseva, A. M. Kessel, M. N. Popova. - M.: Republic, 1995. - 396 p. - (Past and present). — ISBN 5-250-02522-6.
• Serano, J.
  Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity. — 2 ed. — Seal Press, 2020. — 432 p. — ISBN 978-1-5800-5622-9.