Common childhood fears and the reasons for their occurrence.
The first and most common fear is the fear of the dark. Most often it appears in children aged 3-5 years. The baby is afraid to fall asleep alone, with the door closed, and asks to turn on the night light. The second common fear is the fear of death, which appears at 6-7 years of age. And the third is the fear of being punished, condemned by adults. It appears in early adolescence. Basically, children's fears are more common in children from single-parent families, or in families where the mother dominates and the father takes a secondary role. Their development is also affected by the mother’s frequent worries, her nervous and mental overload, and constant busyness at work. Many fears at the age of 13-17 years are the result of unresolved anxieties and untimely assistance in childhood.
Everyone needs fear. If your children know how to freeze in place and not rush into the face of danger, it can save their life. It is also important to teach your child to run and jump quickly so that he does not get hit by a speeding car or a sharply swerving bicycle on the way to school. In our crazy world, you need to be wary of strangers who are too friendly or people who behave strangely.
On the other hand, severe fear can turn into a serious disadvantage - children must be able to talk to adults, stand up for themselves at school and express their opinions in society. Children need to understand that the world is a safe place if dangers are avoided. We want our children to be brave, to discover new horizons for themselves - in sports, with friends, in creativity, and so on.
Fear causes two natural reactions. First, you focus your attention. If you see a snake ready to attack you on a forest path, you are unlikely to pass by absent-mindedly and thoughtfully. Plus, fear gives you strength. I am sure that when you see a snake, you will rush, jumping over logs, no worse than a champion obstacle racer!
All your children need to learn to combat fear is to THINK. Our consciousness helps analyze fears and plan the path to action. When I had to travel often - this is my job - I became increasingly afraid of airplanes. I felt uncomfortable - I was suspended high in the air, there were clouds all around, the plane was shaking, the wings were tilting, and so on. I worked on myself - after all, an Australian airline plane has never suffered a disaster, traveling by plane is much safer than by land, and in general, thousands of planes all over the world ply the air as if nothing had happened. And it worked. This is exactly the approach I take with children.
Four main ways to overcome fears:
1. BE IMPARTIAL. At the age of three or four, children often begin to think more about the world around them, and therefore experience great anxiety—some psychologists even call them “frightened four-year-olds.” Talk to your children, be patient and carry on as normal. Trust children's intuition - sometimes their fear of a place or person is not unreasonable. Fear is a kind of radar that has served the human race well in the dangerous past more than once.
2. ANALYZE YOUR FEARS. If your child has a fear of real events or people, explain that this is unlikely in life - but just in case, develop an action plan. Think together about what you need to do to feel safe again.
3. IF A CHILD IS AFRAID OF FICTITIOUS CREATURES, TELL HIM THE TRUTH. Don't look for a monster under your bed - unless you live on Komodo, the island of horror!
4. HIDDEN FEAR. If a child is constantly afraid of something, listen to him and think: maybe, in fact, the reason for the fear lies somewhere else? Sometimes one fear is just a cover for a deeper, hidden fear that is difficult for a child to admit.
Nowadays, especially in big cities, children are in danger from all sides. That's why many schools have a Protective Behavior program that teaches children how and where to seek help if the unexpected happens. Unfortunately, the biggest danger children face is sexual abuse, usually from someone they know.
“Protective Behavior” teaches the child two rules: “Even the worst things can be told” and “Every person has the right to always feel safe.” (If only these rules were followed throughout the world!) The program delicately avoids explaining the specifics of sexual harassment to young children - those who have experienced it already know everything too well; those who don't know don't need to know. The program does not involve surveys or work with individual children. Every child knows which psychologist to turn to for help in case of danger. Within a few months of the program's inception, the number of substantiated reports of attempted sexual assault increased significantly. Thanks to an extensive advertising campaign, the number of child sexual abuse cases also fell as perpetrators felt the risk of being exposed.
The undoubted advantage of the program is that it basically teaches children to cope with everyday problems - for example, it explains what to do if you come home from school and no one is home and the door is locked; or got on the wrong bus. Some similar programs simply scare children without providing any useful information; others teach nothing and instill the idea of their own helplessness. “Protective Behavior” teaches children to think about their own safety. If your child's school doesn't offer this program, ask why!
In conclusion, I will say that children need fear as a protective measure. There is no point in loading them with scary stories from the adult world—we can take care of ourselves. We need to teach them how to deal with dangerous situations, and the best way to prepare them for possible challenges and answer all the questions is to come up with a solution together: “What would you do if ...”
See also: Sleep disturbances and nightmares, Fear of the dark, Children's fears in the period from 3 to 5 years, Method of getting rid of fears using games.
Tags: teach a child to overcome fear children's fears fight fear child is afraid
How to help your child overcome fears.
First of all, you should not scold a child if he is afraid of something. It is best to distract him with any outdoor games, any joint activity, walks with the family, or drawing. A game is a way of expressing feelings, through it a child models the reality around him; first of all, it should bring him joy and pleasure, therefore the choice of games must be taken very seriously. First of all, psychological games serve to overcome confusion in unexpected situations, stiffness, fear, fear of the dark and enclosed spaces, awkwardness when finding yourself in a new, unexpected situation when communicating. It also develops self-confidence and helps overcome shyness if these traits have already developed in the child’s character.
Games to help overcome fears.
1. Tag. Chairs are randomly placed in the room; you cannot touch them; whoever touches them becomes the leader. You need to clap on the back, and clap emotionally, this reduces the fear of pain and punishment. A sudden change in the direction of the driver’s movement is perceived by the child as a stressful situation, but in a playful way, which helps to adapt to the unexpected in life. “Just get caught!”, “Well, just wait!”, “I’ll show you now!”, “Catch him!”, “Yeah, gotcha!” - these phrases are perceived with humor during the game, removing fear of threats in real life. With the help of this game you can provide emotional release, teach speed of reaction, help adapt to a team, develop coordination and dexterity, and improve the relationship between the child and parents. 2. Blind Man's Bluff. It is carried out in the same room, the obstacles remain for the driver. The main rule is not to give yourself away in any way so as not to be discovered. The driver is blindfolded, this creates the impression of a closed space, which children are often afraid of. The players’ task is to attract the driver’s attention without resorting to speech and without moving around the court; the driver must detect the player and identify the player by touch. The one who finds the most wins. This game will help your child overcome his fear of the dark and teach him how to navigate in space. 3. Hide and seek. A game everyone knows from childhood. First, you need to designate places where you can’t hide. It is better if the child is the first to drive, then he will quickly overcome fear and indecision. The game takes place in emotional tension, but the excitement does not allow the fear of darkness and loneliness to manifest itself. The fear of “ghosts”, “monsters”, etc. also disappears. 4. Quick responses. The parent asks the child various questions, which he must answer as quickly as possible. This game develops reaction speed and resourcefulness. The child is not lost when faced with sudden questions or in unexpected situations.
Where do children get their fears?
Specific case
A child may experience some incident, after which he begins to be afraid of something. For example, if a dog bites or a child gets stuck in an elevator, etc. Such fears also depend on the anxiety and other characteristics of the baby.
Constant prohibitions, anger and threats from adults
Inspired fears are also very common, because children tend to be sensitive to the phrases: “Don’t walk - you’ll fall” or “Don’t take it - you’ll get burned”, “Don’t pet it - it will bite” and others. And this can also create certain fears in the baby.
Fantasy
Sometimes children come up with an object of fear. For example, in the dark, scary monsters and monsters can come to life before their eyes. But in reality this is not so and it is worth explaining to the child in time that he is safe.
A child is afraid of something / Photo by simya
Family conflicts and relationships with peers
Children can often feel guilty about their parents' quarrels and fear being the cause of them.
It also sometimes happens that if a children’s team insults a child and does not accept him, then the child will not want to go to kindergarten or school. Or other children may simply intimidate your son or daughter with various stories.
Eliminate fears through drawing.
All children love to draw. To open the baby, you need to do this as often as possible, preferably together with the parents. The best results from projecting fears onto paper are achieved at the age of 5-12 years, when the child is more interested in this activity. With the help of drawing, you can overcome imaginary fears, fears based on real events that happened in the past, leaving an emotional trace in the child’s subconscious. Fears can be drawn with anything - felt-tip pens, pencils, paints, it is advisable for the child to draw together with one of the parents, preferably with the father. The less strict parents are in the process of raising children, the more successful this technique is. The effect of this technique may decrease if there are conflicts between mother and father. A child's fears grow when he does not feel safe and confident in his family. After the drawing is completed, it needs to be discussed with the child.
Awareness and speaking
Once you know and accept that your child is afraid, talk about it.
When I was little, in a medical magazine I came across a drawing of an embryo. The red color and humanoid shapes made a lasting impression on me. For many months I saw embryos in my dreams and woke up crying. When I told my mother what exactly scared me, she explained that this is what a baby looks like in her tummy and I was like that myself. We looked at a lot of photographs and drawings, after which the fear disappeared.
Even if your children don't challenge you to talk, try to start a conversation about fears. Explain everything in as much detail as possible. Look at the pictures together and find the information. For example, tell us where the legend of vampires comes from or why, from a scientific point of view, it is better to sleep with the lights off (without denying that the dark is indeed scary). The more scientific your stories are, the better.
Identify your child’s fears and problems using drawing tests.
The drawing test is a very simple and effective technique.
With its help, you can assess the child’s psychological state and help him solve existing problems. These methods have become widespread since the early 50s in the West. The technique reflects self-esteem, level of aggression, and communication skills. Test “drawing of a person” by F. Goodenough and D. Harris, test “Non-existent animal” by Oginets. L.V. and Antonova E.V., the “House-Tree-Person” test by D. Book, the “Tree” test by K. Koch, and the “Family Drawing” test by V. Wulf are the most common drawing tests. When making a drawing, a sheet of paper is positioned horizontally, the left side and bottom of the drawing reflect the negative, depressive experiences of the test taker, his uncertainty. Right - positive emotions, child activity. Let's take a closer look at the “Non-existent animal” test. The child should be asked to draw a non-existent animal and give it a name. Time for drawing is unlimited. The completed drawing needs to be carefully analyzed, for this you need to evaluate the position of the drawing on the paper (in the center, closer to the left or right edge, above or below the center of the sheet), evaluate how clear the contours of the drawing are, whether the animal has wings, spikes, decorating details, evaluate the name of the animal. Particular importance should be paid to the eyes - the presence of eyelashes indicates the child’s desire to receive compliments and be admired. “Humanizing an animal” speaks of infantility. The head turned to the left is a tendency to reflect, to the right is activity, efficiency. Too large a drawing speaks of egocentrism; too meticulously drawn lips, fur, mane - excessive sentimentality, sensuality. The larger the tail, the greater the child's need for attention. Thorns and shell warn of a constant feeling of danger, thus protecting the child from the outside world. In order for a child to grow up to be a happy, sociable, self-confident person, parents should be very attentive and do a lot with their child from a very early age. After all, the child goes with what he laid down in childhood throughout his life. Parents need to show patience, wisdom, try to pay as much attention as possible to the little man, and then you will have the happiest and strongest family. Children's products wholesale from a warehouse in Vladivostok.
