How to close the gestalt yourself - techniques and methods

Prevention of unclosed gestalts

The word gestalt itself is literally translated from German as “personality, image, figure.”
However, “integrity” and “structure” can be added to the list of translations. This word was first introduced to the world in the work of Christian von Ehrenfels. The Gestalt approach states that a person always sees not only reality, but also somewhat processes it with the help of his own experiences and impressions. Looking at a painting in a museum, a person sees not just single strokes, but the entire image. At the same time, he experiences some sensations while watching and receives some important information for him. This integrity of perception is a gestalt. The rest of the museum's paintings fade into the background while one of them is highlighted. After viewing and receiving a feeling of satisfaction, they all merge again into a single “background”.

The whole world around us is the same background. A person can isolate one piece of it, then everything else loses its significance somewhat. So, an example would be the work of a waiter. From all over the world, he singles out one specific task - an order for a specific client. This is his gestalt.

An example of isolating a Gestalt form from the “background”

Interesting. Things without a logical conclusion are often remembered better than completed ones. This phenomenon, the “Zeigarnik effect,” was named after the Soviet-era psychologist Bluma Zeigarnik. It was she who, using the example of the same waiters, noted that they remember their current orders, but almost immediately forget completed ones.

An open, initiated gestalt keeps a person in some tension until a specific result is obtained. For example, a man took a break from his work in order to eat lunch brought from home. If he is distracted and not allowed to finish what he started, he will most likely become nervous and angry, even if his hunger is not so strong. This is how nervous tension manifests itself - an incentive to finish the job. After its completion, the tension subsides, we can say that the gestalt is closed.

This kind of tension is normal. It helps you concentrate on the task at hand and not be distracted from it. Otherwise, people would be bad at finishing things. An unclosed gestalt is a continuation of such tension that does not have the best effect on a person. That is why open gestalts need to be brought to the end, and try not to drag them out.

A phenomenon such as an open gestalt is a problem that requires quick resolution. Before taking action, you need to conduct a diagnosis. Among the symptoms of incomplete gestalts:

Constant feeling of dissatisfaction;
Low stress resistance;
Disturbed mechanisms of social adaptation;
Difficult relationships between a person and parents, friends, loved ones;

Difficult relationships

Difficulty concentrating on business;
Thoughts keep switching to the same moment;
There is often an inexplicable feeling of sadness and melancholy;
There is depression;
There are phobias.

If several of the above symptoms are present, you should carefully analyze your condition. This way it will be possible to isolate the root of the problem. Then you have a choice: either work on it yourself, or visit a psychologist.

The best way to solve any problem is to not give it a chance to arise. The same principle applies to unfinished business. Prevention in this case will be life according to the principles of Gestalt psychology. The gestalts will then close on their own, without special attention:

Live today. The future is unknown, the past is behind us. The only thing that matters is what is now.
Pay attention to what's nearby. There is no need to put into the spotlight something that is not nearby, especially if it is something from the past.
Fantasize wisely. Dreaming is good. But there is no need to amuse the gestalt with pleasant, fictitious clues. You cannot fantasize about something that is obviously unreal.

Dreaming woman

Act. It’s not enough just to think, you also need to act so as not to create significant tension or to avoid “burning out.”
Express your feelings immediately. Women often sin with this, speaking in riddles and hints. If a man does not understand them, the lady risks being left with the problem of an unclosed gestalt. Therefore, there is no need to delay, you should immediately talk about your sensations and feelings.
Accept all conditions. Both pain and some discomfort are natural states, just like pleasure. Therefore, you should take them calmly.
Put your desires in the spotlight. Often gestalt can be imposed from the outside. This cannot be allowed.
Take responsibility. When making any decisions, you should be aware that there is also responsibility for them. You cannot avoid it under any circumstances. The exception is if the area of responsibility is foreign.
Balance desires and possibilities. Sometimes you want everything at once, but such dispersal does not lead to good things. A person has a limited supply of resources; one should focus on this indicator.
Don't be afraid to ask for help. The stronger sex may try to maintain a brand and not allow others into their experiences. Sometimes such tactics only bring harm. If you understand that the situation is getting out of control or is becoming especially painful, you should not refrain from visiting a psychologist.

You need to live here and now, not dragging the burden of the past with you. If the problem of unfinished gestalt appears, then you should definitely give it due attention. A person's psychological health is just as important as physical health.

Breaking up a relationship with a loved one is a drama for many girls. In a frank conversation with my sister, I felt how traumatized her soul was after her divorce from her husband. It's like the collapse of the world, a personal apocalypse. Persuasions like “time heals” and “everything will pass, and this too” are of little help. There is an open wound in the soul, memories of the past are real salt on the open wound. In psychology there is a specific name for this - unfinished (or unclosed) gestalt.

Many people have heard about gestalts, but not everyone knows what it is. Gestalt is a word of German origin, which in translation means an image or figure. But what does the figure have to do with breaking ties with your loved one? In psychology, a figure is something that is important to a person. The rest is the background, secondary objects.

For an abandoned woman, the loved one is the central figure (gestalt). But since the relationship with him was not completed or completed incorrectly, the gestalt remains open: for a woman, the figure of her beloved continues to be central, despite the separation. This is an unfinished gestalt.

Most often, the gestalt of the one in the couple who was abandoned is incomplete. And it doesn’t matter whether the loved one explained himself to his girlfriend or not: the situation is so traumatic that the woman will constantly think about it. And while she thinks and scrolls through the situation in her head, the gestalt remains open, and the wound continues to bleed.

What is Gestalt in simple words?

A little history: the word itself came to us from the German language. It was first used at the end of the 19th century by the philosopher Christian von Ehrenfels in his work “On the Qualities of Form.”

The direct translation of the word “gestalt” into Russian is “shape, appearance, figure.”

Later, at the beginning of the 20th century, psychologists began to study the described phenomenon of Gestalt, and Ehrenfels’ student, Max Wertheimer, brought this approach into a separate direction.

Therefore, in psychology, Gestalt is used in the sense of integrity and awareness of the environment and what is happening at any given moment in time.

In other words, few people are capable of realizing and identifying their own emotions, feelings, experiences, and the situation itself “something is not right,” “I don’t know what I want,” “I can’t figure out my feelings” is a gestalt, that is, a situation where a person cannot understand and realize himself.

Special therapy can help you understand these situations and learn to understand and accept yourself.

Gestalt psychology focuses specifically on the peculiarities of human perception of the overall picture, and not its components - this can be explained by the example of any work of art. Thus, when listening to music, a person focuses on the overall sound, and not on individual notes and tonality, and when looking at a picture, attention is focused on the overall appearance, and not on individual brush strokes. I could go on for a long time, but the general meaning is clear.

Visualization of incompleteness

In Gestalt therapy, almost the same thing happens, but directly with a person and situations from his life, emotions, feelings. A person in ordinary life sees only the overall picture, without thinking about its components, and a Gestalt therapist helps to see these same components in certain situations, as well as to realize them, coming to an understanding of their correctness or incorrectness in each specific situation.

What is the essence of the term

The word "gestalt" translated from German means "figure, form, appearance." A relationship is considered over if the couple is no longer together, but in reality it's not that simple. Physically, a girl may not see her former boyfriend, may not live in the same apartment with him, but in her heart be close to her lover. The “shadow” of the partner for some time pursues the person who mentally proves the rightness of the chosen one, argues with him or expresses grievances.

It will not be possible to turn another page in life if you do not close the gestalt in relationships. At first it will be an itchy splinter, and then it can turn into a bleeding wound and cause a lot of problems.

Psychologists compare gestalt to any unfinished business that haunts us. For comparison, experts advise imagining receiving an important letter by email. The woman opened the long-awaited message, but was distracted by her mobile phone ringing. She was informed that the child was sick and needed to be urgently taken from kindergarten. Then she had to go to the clinic or pharmacy to get medicine, but all this time the woman was not left with an anxious feeling - this is gestalt.

Incompleteness in a relationship arises due to a sudden break in communication:

partner left without explanation;
the chosen one expressed a desire to separate, but the arguments seemed unconvincing;
sudden death of a loved one.

It is very important to end the relationship completely so as not to get stuck in the past, like in a swamp.

How to understand?

It is quite easy to determine whether the gestalt was completed or not. A person feels relief, saturation, joy, and in some cases, happiness.

Just imagine that your wish has come true, or you have finally realized the reason for some difficulties or limitations. It is unlikely that you will become sad at such a moment. And the longer you “fought” for the right to happiness, the more relief and joy will arise.

It's like putting a period at the end of a story or piece of music. Have you ever seen films that seem to end and leave space for the viewer to figure out how it all ends?

Remember how you felt at such a moment? Most likely, some kind of incompleteness, maybe even confusion, disappointment, bewilderment. A lot of questions arise as the psyche tries to find a satisfactory explanation of what happened.

How to close the gestalt in a relationship

Unfinished gestalt haunts romantic relationships too. Most often it looks like this: there were some conflicts and arguments with the previous partner, which left a feeling of unsaidness and dissatisfaction. In a new relationship, a person inevitably provokes the same quarrels. He replays the problems that were not resolved with the previous satellite.

Man and woman quarreling

It is not uncommon for an unfinished gestalt to be found in the very incompleteness of the relationship. For example, a woman fell in love with a man, but he decided not to reciprocate her feelings. In her mind lives the hope of a reunion, that the young man will inflame with passion for her, and everything will be fine with them. The girl clings to any little thing that promises her good luck in this endeavor.

What’s most difficult is that closing such gestalts can be quite difficult. The problem does not go away, leaving some chance for a successful resolution. People invest their energy and time into it, although in fact all their expectations are initially unsuccessful. Tension grows, and the psyche comes up with illusions, showing the brain what is not really there in order to reduce the load. A person’s efforts intensify, and the protective response of the psyche also increases... The circle closes, and the result is a gestalt trap.

Woman in a gestalt trap

That is why the problem should be taken seriously. It is necessary to complete the gestalt, no matter how difficult it may be. The best way here is to remove the “hooks” that hold it in place. This can be done in different ways: experience the situation, express it, get an answer, or simply shift the focus of importance to another matter. The advice is slightly different for both men and women.

For women

Women more often than men suffer from unclosed gestalts in love. This is due to their greater emotionality and more frequent mood swings. It seems that the girl has already married someone else and loves him. But the thoughts “this is how I should have told the first one” remain, even if there are no such feelings and never have been. Problems from past relationships are resurrected this time.

Considering women's thinking, the best ways to close the gestalt would be:

Intimate talk. Even if you no longer have anything in common with that once significant person, you can still meet and talk. Express your guesses and assumptions. At least for the sake of laughing at them. After such a conversation, relief will inevitably come.

Man and woman talking

Story. You should imagine the development of events that haunts you, and say it (necessarily out loud, phrase by phrase). It is advisable to focus not on sublimely romantic details, but, on the contrary, on gray everyday life. This is done in order not to give unnecessary “clues” to the consciousness. The best option is if they tell it to the audience.
Playback. If the new guy, the husband, agrees, then together with him you need to act out situations from the past. He will play the past passion, apologize and accept apologies as necessary, allowing the gestalt to be completed.

For men

Men are not nearly as elevated as women, which is why they treat romantic experiences more down to earth. They prefer not to leave any misunderstandings, clearly stating the facts. However, this is not a defense against incomplete gestalts in general. At the same time, the stronger sex is more accustomed to keeping everything to itself and not sharing experiences with others. Considering this feature, we can say that this is what will help close the gestalt:

Comparison and improvement. This method means working on yourself. By becoming better, a man can claim more beautiful and intelligent women nearby. This detracts from the value of the old gestalt.

A man works on himself

Introspection. Not trusting to bring an internal problem to the surface, guys can easily help themselves. To do this, they need to rethink what caught their attention, why, and whether it is so important.
Forgiveness, farewell, gratitude. You won't have to meet your ex-passion. You just need to write her a letter, which you don’t have to send. It should describe all your grievances and experiences. Then forgive the woman and be sure to say goodbye. This will put a logical gestalt point. In the end, so that only good aftertaste remains, it doesn’t hurt to express gratitude for all the good that this lady brought.

To create new relationships, the gestalt of old ones must be logically completed. If you do not close the channel of previous relationships, echoes of the past will constantly disturb the heart and poison the poison of memories. There will be a desire to express what is boiling over. There will be a gnawing resentment that you didn’t get what you expected.

The danger of open gestalt is repeating the mistakes of the past. These mistakes will be repeated again and again, moving from old relationships to new ones - endlessly. A woman drags a load of old grievances with her into a new life and wonders why the same thing happens to her again.

Consequences of an unclosed gestalt:

apathy, depression;
distrust of all men;
fear of new relationships;
pessimism and despondency;
chronic failures in everything.

Completing the gestalt is the bare minimum that needs to be done for a happy life. Unfinished relationships cripple the psyche, turning a woman into a sad crybaby and an anti-sexual person. Don't risk your happiness, take control of the situation and manage it.

If, despite all your efforts, you cannot close the gestalt, seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist.

An incomplete gestalt is dangerous because it requires the expenditure of a huge amount of mental energy and leads to emotional exhaustion of a person. Its presence provokes various disorders, deterioration of well-being, and decreased critical thinking. Difficulties arise in interpersonal communication, and the adequacy of self-esteem is disrupted.

The situation is aggravated by the fact that as time passes, it becomes increasingly difficult to understand situations, and it is difficult to restore the details of what happened. Sometimes the brain blocks memories of tragic events and severe psychological trauma, protecting the psyche at the time of acute experiences. If this has not been properly worked through subsequently, the gestalt remains open, but it is almost impossible to discern it behind all the other problems.

A person who experiences the loss of a loved one, who is faced with the collapse of his hopes and dreams, who has witnessed catastrophes, will for some time fall under the protection of blocking brain functions. He may see the situation and himself from the outside, not remember the most terrible details, look distant, and be in a stupor.

Incomplete gestalts are skillfully disguised over time: a person complains of insomnia, eating disorders, depression, and a reduced emotional background. Often the causes of various somatic pathologies lie precisely in the sphere of unlived experience of the past.

Modern psychology has a wide arsenal of methods for effectively and safely closing gestalts, some of them are accessible even to a non-specialist:

Household. The simplest technique is to finish a task left unfinished. These are relatively small gestalts that are effective for solving minor everyday problems. If the number of such small situations is significant, then it has a serious negative impact on mood and well-being. Psychologists advise making a list of small everyday tasks that have been abandoned for some reason. To begin with, you should choose the three simplest tasks, the completion of which does not require large material costs or significant investment of time and effort. Closed gestalts are immediately crossed out from the list, and among the remaining ones, three more are chosen, a little more complicated. They do this until it ends.
Unfinished gestalts related to love, family, friends, relationships with a man are more difficult to close. In this situation, a frank conversation and a detailed elaboration of your feelings and emotions associated with events help. If the relationship cannot be brought to its logical conclusion, you must try to stop reacting to them emotionally. This is difficult work, but carefully monitoring thoughts and images associated with an unresolved situation and refusing to worry is very effective.
Forgotten gestalt. Sometimes the memory does not retain accurate information about an unresolved event, but the feeling of causeless anxiety does not go away. In this case, non-projective techniques will help - drawing or other types of visual creativity. Often they help identify the image with which discomfort is associated and work through this part of the past.

An effective therapy option is literary creativity - writing stories and fairy tales in which events related to an unfinished gestalt, unfulfilled dream or experienced loss develop differently. This method is a simulation of alternative situations that helps solve the problem in a safe and effective way.

Experiences associated with tragic and terrible events require a professional approach. Therefore, in situations where it is necessary to close a gestalt combined with serious psychological trauma, you should seek help from a specialist.

It is not necessary to consult a psychologist to understand dependence on departed love. Experts advise paying attention to disturbing emotional symptoms:

Persistent resentment. Indifference is a sure sign that the relationship is a thing of the past. If offensive scenes involving your ex-partner come to mind, you should work on yourself.
Comparison game. The exit from the gestalt does not always coincide with the beginning of a new romantic relationship. If a comparison begins between the current chosen one and the former, the ex-partner still remains a significant figure in life. It doesn’t matter in whose favor the mental competitive selection was carried out.
Friendly relations with the relatives of the former passion. The couple is no longer together, but the person with the gestalt continues to congratulate the relatives of the ex-chosen one on the holidays. There are excuses about proper upbringing and kindness, but this is just a deception. Beneath the excuses lies the need to feel part of the family.
Stalking from a distance. Questioning mutual friends, searching for new photos on social networks are signs of male and female gestalt.
Conversations on the topic of lost relationships. Speaking out is sometimes useful and even right if the dialogues do not take an intrusive form. Discussing an ex-partner is another reason to return to a romantic relationship, at least in memories.

Gestalt therapy. Unfinished actions create problems

Gestalt therapist Maxim Zagoruiko spoke about what specialists with such a mysterious profession do, why it is so important to complete the actions started and how to come to harmony with yourself and the world around you.

Maxim Zagoruiko, psychotherapist. Engaged in individual psychotherapy, group psychotherapy, conducting educational seminars and trainings. Teaches at the Faculty of Psychology of NSU. Works with adults and families. Practicing Gestalt therapist. Since 1998 he has been conducting training programs on Gestalt therapy for doctors and psychologists.

— Gestalt therapy is not familiar to everyone . Please explain what this is?

Currently, there are about 200 areas of psychotherapy in the world. Gestalt therapy is one of them, considered the third most common after psychoanalysis and cognitive behavioral therapy. A person is considered as an integral living system, capable of self-awareness and self-control. There is no place here for the division into soul and body that is so familiar to us. This is especially important in our age of narrow specialization, when psychologists deal with the soul, gastroenterologists with digestion, ophthalmologists with the eyes, cardiologists with the heart, etc. A person is torn apart, there is no holistic vision. Although it is quite obvious that he is not just “a bag of organs to which a soul is attached.” It is a holistic being and each of us is unique. This is exactly how a Gestalt therapist approaches each client - as a unique living being, with a unique life situation. He strives to understand this particular person who sits in front of him, pushing all generalizations into the background.

It often happens that the problem appears in childhood for certain reasons. But the person has grown up, childhood has long passed, and these reasons have long been irrelevant. But there is a problem, and it exists due to completely different reasons that are relevant now, in the present. Therefore, it is much more important to deal with these current reasons, rather than delve into something that has not existed for a long time.

— What problems do patients most often come to you with

Lately there have been a lot of complaints about anxiety disorders and self-doubt.

— What methods and techniques are used in treatment?

Many non-specialists believe that Gestalt therapy is a set of methods and techniques. It's a delusion! What distinguishes Gestalt therapy from other psychotherapeutic areas is, first of all, its theory and basic principles. And a variety of techniques can be used. For example, many Gestalt therapists like to use the “empty chair technique”: when the therapist asks the client to imagine someone from his life in an empty chair in front of him, in order to better understand his feelings, his attitude towards this person. Then the Gestalt therapist can ask the client to sit on this chair to feel “in his shoes.” But this is only one of the techniques. And it is used not only in Gestalt therapy. For example, in psychodrama it is called the “role exchange technique.”

— Gestalt therapy is based on unfinished actions . Why, when we take on something, do we not complete it ?

An incomplete action is a situation when a person wants something, but does not realize this impulse, stops itself, and prevents the satisfaction of his needs. This can happen for various reasons: a person does not understand what he wants, is poorly aware of himself; he realizes what he wants, but chooses an inappropriate object to satisfy his need (for example, a woman tries again and again to achieve “emotions,” “warmth,” intimate conversations from a brutal man who, in principle, is not capable of this). The reasons for not completing an action may vary.

— Women tend to believe that harmony with themselves will arise when they have a man. really true ?

In order to exist harmoniously in a relationship with a man, you must first learn to live alone, by yourself. When a woman tries to harmonize her life at the expense of her partner, she uses him as a crutch, instead of learning to walk on her own two feet. Obviously, it is very difficult to learn to move harmoniously on your own feet if you use a crutch.

— It happens that a man and a woman break up and get back together several times. What is this? Attachment, incompleteness of actions?

Such a stereotype can be associated with a variety of reasons. For example, with fear of intimacy: one of the partners strives for intimacy, but upon achieving it, he gets scared, leaves contact and even breaks off the relationship for a while. Having “rested” at a distance from the partner, he begins to get closer again.

— Emotionally incomplete situations are most often associated with feelings, emotions, experiences that were not expressed and completed in the past. Should such situations be ended or they be avoided altogether?

From the point of view of Gestalt therapy, they must be completed. If avoided, they can create problems in the present. For example, unexpressed anger at a father can lead a woman to behave aggressively towards men, and she herself does not understand why. Sometimes such situations can even lead to symptoms of neurosis or psychosomatic illness. Therefore, we must strive to close gestalts.

– There is a type of people in whose heads a lot of ideas are spinning, they are fired up by them, a person constantly wants to take on new things, but in the end it turns out that he does not complete a single task. Why is this happening?

Yes, this can happen, for example, due to fear of failure. Or because a person avoids the difficulties and efforts associated with completing a task. A Gestalt therapist can identify a specific cause by communicating with this person and observing him.

– What would you advise such people?

First of all, learn to slow down. Often such people live in a constant rush, this prevents them from realizing their feelings, desires, and actions.

— Where can I find inspiration to do everything planned?

You shouldn't do everything at once. As a result of such a strategy, there is a chance that none of the things will be done well and many things will not be completed. In addition, such a strategy makes it difficult to understand what you really want. It is better to set priorities: at each period of time, focus on one specific thing that you really want (consider necessary) to do.

Photo: Owen Bruce

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The Hidden Danger of Incompleteness

If a person accumulates started tasks every day, they will result in persistent anxiety.

An open gestalt in a relationship poses a great threat:

Even the strongest personality will slow down in development and will helplessly mark time. In a state of incompleteness, it is difficult to build harmonious relationships, move forward and set goals. The person begins to replay the scenario of a past life, imagining a happy ending.
Escaping into a fantasy world will certainly result in emotional distress or psychosomatic illness. Nervous colitis, asthma, dermatitis of various etiologies and even infertility - here is a short list of possible ailments with incomplete gestalt.
A person does not see the meaning of life, preferring to go with the flow. He may not be happy with the conditions in which he finds himself, but he is not going to change anything. One of the forms of gestalt manifests itself in complete apathy and laziness, a decrease in vitality.
Strong emotional experiences often become the cause of prolonged depression or acute neurosis. Against the backdrop of stress, a person may have thoughts of suicide - in this case, it is better to solve the problem not on your own, but with the help of a specialist.
General dissatisfaction with life and internal discomfort appear.

How an incomplete gestalt interferes with life

All gestalts need to be closed. This is a prerequisite for maintaining psychological health. How they, being incomplete, are harmful, should be examined in more detail:

Constant stress. Gestalt without ending is constant tension, even if attention is switched to something else. A prolonged state of tension means stress.

Stressed man

Projection of the past. Constant returns to the past, its projection onto the present. This, in turn, negatively affects life and relationships today.
Increasing the scale of gestalt. The danger of unfinished business is that the tension not only persists, but also multiplies. In critical cases it comes to addiction - strong dependence.

Important! It is almost impossible to overcome a serious addiction (or larva) on your own. She herself will not be able to close herself. This is a state of habit, abnormal fixation. In this case, it is highly recommended to visit a psychotherapist.

In addition, an unclosed gestalt takes an incredible amount of effort, time, and energy. It completely devastates a person. He has no strength left for anything. First, unfinished business takes up a lot of human resources. The further the problem shifts into the spotlight, the more forces are applied to it, the more it grows. It is extremely important to break this circle in time.

Steps to the logical end as a path to freedom

No psychotherapist will help if a person devotes all his free time to mental suffering. Only constant work on one’s own behavior and self-control will be the main step towards liberation:

Changing route and habits. Perception and memory are influenced not only by the image of a person, but also by smells, sounds, music or surroundings. Psychologists recommend not visiting places dear to your heart, so as not to reinforce your emotions.
Destruction of "relics". It is advisable to get rid of things and significant gifts in one fell swoop, otherwise trinkets and photographs will remind you of past love.
Psychological method “Empty chair”. It is necessary to imagine your ex-partner sitting opposite - and tell him everything that is painful. It is necessary to voice grievances, complaints, talk through critical moments in relationships in order to let go of painful relationships.