Types of conflicts by severity
- Hidden collisions. Occurs when a demonstration of aggression and any similar actions are hidden from the public and those involved in the confrontation. The conflict is indirect.
- Open clashes. The struggle is clearly expressed and can be observed and assessed. Example: controversy, controversy, discord, quarrel, scandal, showdown with insults.
The main causes of interpersonal conflicts
Confrontation between people reaches its climax due to completely different reasons. Moreover, in each individual situation we can name several significant factors that could provoke an interpersonal conflict:
- Dissatisfaction with material and spiritual benefits
. If a person lacks the necessary resources in quantitative or qualitative terms, he tries to make up for them in another way, where there is a high risk of developing interpersonal conflict. - Mutual interests
. In a group where the goals of the participants converge, but the methods of achieving the task have some differences, a number of confrontations may arise. The person is unable to fulfill some of his needs in work or personal relationships. This should include conflict situations at work, problems with subordination of subordinates and mentors, family disagreements, and family quarrels. - Individual interests
. Opponents have personal goals, the fulfillment of one of them excludes the other. The developing conflict raises the question of the differences that exist at the moment and requires a compromise solution. - Value features of the issue
. This type of confrontation is based on dissimilar motivational approaches to the same issue due to different psychological attitudes and priorities. - Course of action
. Develops due to the absence of stereotypes and manners of certain behavior in one of the opponents. This may be due to lack of experience or inability to perform the necessary actions. Often causes conflicts at work or school. - Communication
. Inconsistency between the communication abilities of one person and another, non-compliance with the rules of dialogue, subordination and tact. - Character
. The cause of the conflict is specific personal characteristics that the other individual dislikes.
The reasons may vary depending on the person's age. Thus, in children and adolescents, controversial situations can be caused by factors that have no place in adult life. The puberty period is characterized by biased maximalism, a tendency to issue ultimatums and unequivocally evaluate people.
Family conflicts in interpersonal relationships can be based both on ordinary everyday disagreements and on the inability to realize one’s own needs, inconsistency of values and goals in life between spouses.
We solve the problem through its solution
This method, although effective, is not often used when conflicts are brewing. And the ways to resolve them in a similar way lie in observing the following points:
- Defining the problem in terms of solutions rather than in terms of goals.
- Identifying conflict resolution strategies that are suitable for both parties.
- Focusing on the subject of the conflict, and not on the personal qualities of the opponent.
- Creating an atmosphere of trust, increasing mutual influence and exchange of information, as well as a positive attitude towards each other.
- Show sympathy and listen to the other side's views, minimizing threats and anger.
As you can see, any contradiction, even the most seemingly one with no chance of resolution, can be dealt with in a civilized way. The only thing that is needed for this is the desire of all parties to the conflict for reconciliation, because in this case success is practically guaranteed. However, it is best, of course, to avoid quarrels and try to maintain good relations at all costs. Then you won’t have to rack your brains about what to do in such situations.
Learning to competently resolve disputes: expert advice
Modern psychologists offer some recommendations that will help direct difficult relationships between opponents in the right direction:
- Constantly showing attention to your interlocutors, giving them the opportunity to speak.
- Friendly and respectful relations between opponents.
- A natural demeanor that reflects the feelings of both parties towards each other.
- Showing sympathy, participation and tolerance for the weaknesses of the interlocutor.
- The ability to admit that your opponent is right, if it actually occurs.
- Calm tone, self-control and restraint. These are probably the most important tools that guarantee successful conflict management in any difficult situation.
- Operating with facts.
- Expression of key ideas by interlocutors, laconicism and conciseness.
- Openly expressing the problem and explaining it to fully understand the situation. Questions to your opponent to help clarify the reasons for the quarrel.
- Consideration of alternative solutions and interest in finding them, willingness to share responsibility for the results, increasing in the eyes of the partner his importance in the discussion.
- Maintaining contact using verbal and non-verbal means throughout the entire communication process.
- The ability to switch off and put up emotional barriers if people’s conflicts are of an openly aggressive nature.
Recommendations
- Try to talk, no matter how you are overwhelmed by emotions, it is important to listen to the other and understand what drives him and what exactly he wants. You should not evaluate his character and actions; speak only on your own behalf to yourself. For example, when a wife says to her husband, “You are insensitive and constantly offend me,” it will cause him to react more defensively than understanding. It is more constructive to change the wording to the following phrase: “I was offended because I didn’t have enough of your attention.” Then it doesn't sound like an insult or a threat.
- In difficult situations, it would be most appropriate to involve a third party that is not interested in someone else’s victory. A kind of referee who will help establish dialogue and hear each other, pausing in time, asking questions and paraphrasing.
- Try to find the problem itself; if you can isolate it, the next steps to end the quarrel will be easier to take. The sources of scandals are unfulfilled needs, learn to identify them, and especially find the addressee. After all, it sometimes happens that a person lashes out at a complete stranger, for example, a salesperson, sincerely believing that he made a mistake or was rude. But the basis for this perception was dissatisfaction with recognition when someone else was promoted at work, ignoring the efforts and skills of this person.
What to do?
There are 5 solutions:
1.Competition
This style is chosen either because of weakness or when a person feels strong and superior. For example, a strong, active and self-confident boss, against the backdrop of competition with another company, makes decisions that are detrimental to his employees, but in the future bring results. Or such situations could be observed by parents who have several children of different ages.
When the youngest wants to win the championship, but fails because a priori he is the youngest in the family, he tries to get rid of his opponent through competition. For example, he provokes a fight, and then runs to complain to his parents that he was offended by his brother, who must now be punished. Many interpersonal conflicts flow into this method, which, unfortunately, does not always turn out to be constructive.
2. Cooperation
When both parties understand that it is possible to get out of the current unpleasant situation through cooperation, when there are no losers or winners, and everyone gets the desired result. In fact, it is a very difficult option, as it requires internal maturity and a willingness to listen, hear and respect the interests of the opponent, as well as patience and restraint.
3.Device
When the forces are unequal, or one side is not confident in itself and prefers to leave everything in its place for fear of making things worse, then it simply reconciles, adapts, sacrificing its interests and needs. Sometimes it is justified, as it allows you to maintain safety and integrity, when the enemy is aggressive and dangerous, or when the enemy is too strong and the loss is obvious, there is simply no point in wasting your resources and exposing yourself.
4.Compromise
Of all types, this is the best way, since opponents make concessions, trying to agree on an option that will suit everyone. When both take steps towards each other. This method partially satisfies the needs, but is very valuable, as it allows you to maintain relationships and prolong further cooperation.
