The concept of personal growth is becoming more and more popular every year. Everyone is familiar with this concept, everyone has at least some idea of what it is. In general, growth is when something qualitatively and radically changes: it develops, takes on new, better or more perfect forms.
Personality, in the same psychology, is a complex structure that consists of real skills, abilities and characteristics of a person. You often hear that every person is individual, I have always believed that not every person is individual, but each personality is individual.
Books on personal growth
From time immemorial, books have been one of the main sources of knowledge. A book is a powerful tool for personal self-improvement. That is why, a recommendation on the path to personal growth will be the selection of the necessary literature.
There are a lot of books on personal growth. And so that you don’t waste a single minute of extra time reading “useless books”, before you choose for yourself “the very ones” that will lead you to the right thoughts and actions, read our recommendations when choosing literature:
- Read reviews online, browse recommendation forums.
- Study at least the table of contents of the book, or better yet, go to a bookstore and leaf through its contents.
- Get to know the authors of the books (their lives, works, etc.). Perhaps you will choose a book based on the author you like.
What is self-development
Self-development is continuous work on oneself, improving all areas of life, and developing the necessary personality qualities. It is precisely because a person engages in self-development on his own that so many difficulties arise along this path. No government agency is responsible for such services. This is not taught in schools or universities. The most they can give there is homework or titles of books for extracurricular preparation.
Even this stops with graduation. No one is responsible for the person anymore. Many “teachers” and self-development sites pursue completely different goals than simply helping a person in his desire to improve. What to do in this case? – Search by trial and error, listen to your inner voice, critically analyze the information received. And, to make it easier to understand how well the advice and recommendations correspond to real needs, we will present the basic principles of self-development.
Personal growth courses
Many people supplement their reading of literature by attending courses on personal growth. Indeed, the atmosphere that the training creates has magical powers. It will fill you with strong motivation and energy, allow you to explore your strengths and weaknesses, introduce you to new “inspiring” people, reveal your potential and change your thinking towards personal development.
What should you consider when choosing a personal growth course?
- Personality of the trainer. Research the trainer's personality on social networks, groups or the website. Interview friends who have already visited him. Or write to the people who left reviews about it.
- Purpose and topic of the training. Let it be a truly professional course, without any esoteric stuff.
- Course cost. Don’t be fooled by cheap seminars that promise you mountains of gold. But you shouldn’t leave huge sums - approach it wisely and don’t go into debt.
What will help self-development
There are only two rules that will help you change your life for the better. The first is to complete the tasks you set for yourself every day, not forgetting about them on weekends and holidays. Secondly, do not be afraid to face criticism from others: due to envy, they may try to dissuade you from looking for a new job or establishing relationships with former friends. It is human nature to feel sorry for losers and envy the success of others. And if you have to deal with something like this, it’s better to immediately decide for yourself whether it’s worth continuing to communicate with such people. And yet, there are seven tips that will help you in self-development:
- It's trivial, but try not to put off things that can be done right now.
- When learning something new, don't be afraid. Feel confident, even if not everything works out.
- Try to make decisions quickly. Sometimes “weighing” for too long leads to unnecessary losses and missed opportunities.
- Always try to look good: be nicely dressed and have a smile on your face. Goodwill should come from you. And if all this is supported by good physical shape, that’s absolutely great.
- Be sure to communicate with people who have something to learn from, just don’t envy their success, but try to understand how they achieved it.
- Keep a diary of your self-development. You can record your successes in it and celebrate what has not yet been achieved.
- In the evening, before going to bed, always try to set yourself up for a positive day tomorrow. Waking up in a good mood will make it easier to achieve your goals.
Self-development is something you can do throughout your life. After all, having learned one thing, you will want to master something else. Perhaps even something we had never thought about before. For example, painting pictures or mountain biking. And at the same time, enjoy life, love your loved ones, receive a good salary and find time to read interesting books. And all this will help you become a successful person. And perhaps even in the very near future. You just have to want it.
Self-education and self-improvement
This point is perhaps the most extensive, and includes studying books, courses, acquiring a new profession, and expanding the circle of people with “goals”. Self-education can begin through self-improvement, and the following can be done in a variety of ways:
- Get rid of bad habits.
- Play sports, walk more.
- Switch to proper nutrition and more.
These points are not required, but they will help in self-organization. The main thing is to come to inner harmony. Understand what you want from life. And then the process of personal growth and self-development will not seem difficult to you, but on the contrary, very interesting.
Development of personality qualities
Remaining an independent direction in the formation of a person, personal development is associated with physiology and psyche, creating conditions for increasing its level.
You can successfully develop only those personal qualities for which the appropriate prerequisites have been created. It is impossible to develop masculinity in a one-year-old baby - the child is not ready for this psychologically and is not physically developed enough.
During the formation of a person, a periodic change in the processes of his growth and development occurs, reminiscent of a change in vertical and horizontal movement.
The period of horizontal growth, when knowledge and skills are accumulated, is replaced by a rapid vertical transition to a new level of personal development and the subsequent stage of horizontal growth, where a person adapts to new conditions and opportunities.
Reaching their greatest intensity in childhood, human growth processes slow down with age, and then, after a certain period of life, they begin to have a pronounced regressive character. In most older people, intellectual abilities decrease, memory weakens, and some muscle tissue atrophies. It is curious that against the backdrop of regression of mental and psychological abilities, personal development can continue.
Psychologist's comment:
I agree with the author of the article that we begin to ask questions about self-development when something is not going well in our lives. Longing, boredom, disappointment, sadness, sadness and any other negative emotions give us an impetus to analyze our life, achievements and ourselves, and we begin to ask many questions.
Despite the apparent diversity of these issues, they fall into only two categories. One can be summed up as “Why is life so unfair?” These questions include:
- Why am I surrounded by only fools?
- How can I get them to do what I want?
- Why doesn't anyone understand me?
- Why do I need this? etc.
The second category of questions can be called “What can I learn from this situation?” These questions include:
- What am I doing wrong?
- What do I need to improve about myself or the lifestyle I lead?
- How does my behavior affect the people around me? etc.
Do you feel the difference?! I’m sure you’ve noticed: the first category includes questions about anyone and anything, just not about yourself or your loved one, and the second category – vice versa. The stumbling block here becomes the degree of responsibility that a person attributes to the world around him, and the degree of responsibility that a person takes upon himself. Psychologists call this “locus of control”: it is either external (corresponding to the first category of issues) or internal (corresponding to the second category of issues).
And which locus of control currently prevails in you predetermines the initial strategy of self-development.
If you have a predominant external locus of control, then your main task at the initial stage is to accumulate internal energy for self-development, and for this you need to shift your view from the outside world to yourself.
Focusing on external events, surrounding people and material achievements takes away a lot of strength. After all, you always have to fight with something, prove something to someone and feel disappointment that someone has something that is inaccessible to you.
Self-development requires energy. While you give it all to the world, leaving nothing for yourself. I encourage you to be more frugal, take care of yourself a little and become (oh, horror!) a little selfish.
When an unpleasant surprise happens in everyday life, do not look for those to blame, sometimes they simply do not exist: life goes on as usual and does not account for its turns. Use this energy to find solutions:
- How can I adapt to this situation?
- What are the advantages in this situation?
- What can I learn from it?
When someone behaves incorrectly, do not prove to him that he is wrong, do not rush to save this unfortunate person, leave him in his own swamp. Use this energy to better understand your relationships with others:
- How did I feel when this happened?
- When else do I feel like this?
- Has something similar happened to me before?
Introspection, meditation, managing one’s own thoughts will help in shifting attention from the external world to the internal one (formulate questions to yourself in a new way: instead of “Why did this happen?” ask “How did I influence this situation?”, describe life situations in a new way : not “I was deceived”, but “I allowed myself to be deceived”, not “I was provoked”, but “I allowed myself to be provoked”).
In addition, reading quality literature, watching deep films, enjoying music, playing sports, that is, any type of activity where you can turn your attention to yourself, your feelings, emotions and reactions, will be useful.
Of course, don’t expect quick results: the main thing for yourself is to feel that today you have become a little more caring of yourself than yesterday. And, gradually, you will definitely begin to notice an increase in energy, which you can use for further self-development.
If you have a dominant internal locus of control, you should focus on exploring your own wants and needs. Development is a natural process for a person; each of us “guts” what he should do and where to move next. Since you are asking the question “Where to start self-development?”, it means that you have lost touch with yourself: you have stopped hearing your inner urges, you respond to other people’s needs and desires, you are trying to achieve other people’s goals, but you don’t get pleasure from it. As a result, you simply stop taking action because you start to feel like you're lacking something (like determination). In reality, you have simply moved away from yourself.
Devote more time to self-reflection and self-knowledge:
- What do you like to do?
- What do you enjoy?
- What gives you energy and what takes it away?
- What are your hopes?
- What goals do you want to achieve? And what do these goals mean?
- Your main question: what does this mean for me?
For example, it happens that a person says to himself: “I want to have 1,000,000 dollars.” This is not enough, you need to get to the bottom: “Why do you need to have 1,000,000 dollars?”, “If I had this money right now, what would I do?”, “What does it mean for me to have 1,000,000 dollars?” .
And when answering these questions, it turns out that then a person would feel independent, give up everything, buy a house in the village and start writing a book. Do you really think you need $1,000,000 to go to the countryside and write a book? Not at all: his main need is to become independent, to give himself permission to leave and start creating.
Self-development and the Wheel of Life Balance
According to the teachings of the Wheel of Life Balance, it is necessary to develop or maintain at a good level eight main directions:
- Success at work or in business;
- Monetary well-being;
- Physical and mental health;
- Spiritual development;
- Communication with family, close friends;
- Relationships with a partner;
- Complete rest;
- Personal development.
Some self-development sites can modify the structure of the Wheel of Life Balance, replacing individual points with “Solving everyday issues” or “Establishing communication in society.” But these are all details that do not change the overall picture. One should strive for harmony in each of the eight basic directions. Most often, people try to succeed in two or three areas of life, devoting less time to others, or even neglecting them altogether. For some time this may bring joy and satisfaction with one’s successes, but then a person becomes depressed and feels “out of place.”
It is a widespread phenomenon that people put all their efforts into building a career or developing a business, forgetting about everything and everyone. Sometimes they really achieve results in this, but looking back from the “height of their pedestal,” they sadly realize that they are absolutely alone, without family and friends. Or the diametrically opposite case, when someone devotes himself entirely to his husband/wife, and after a divorce he realizes that he cannot do anything except the role of a housewife.
To avoid such cases, any self-respecting website about self-development advises its readers to develop in all possible directions, so that the insufficient level of one skill does not subsequently overshadow the joy of success in another. What steps need to be applied in the process of personal improvement will be discussed in the next section.
Possible mistakes
Even if it becomes clear where to start self-development, this does not guarantee you much success. At the first stage, many people choose to implement tasks, the implementation of which initially implies internal discomfort - for example, a type of activity that a person absolutely does not like, but he does not see other options for himself. Such a choice can result in problems with the nervous system.
Self-development is serious work on yourself; you will already have to overcome difficulties every day if you want to get a significant result. But you should like the basis, the direction of movement. It is important to find satisfaction in your daily work; this is the secret to restoring your strength.
Don't forget about rest. At the first stage, it may not be needed - strength will be taken from achievements, but sooner or later the body will be exhausted. Allow yourself short breaks.
Very often people try to cover all areas of their life and change everything completely. This is a key mistake - there is simply not enough strength to do everything at once, so a person quickly gets tired, gives up, and gives up. Even if changes need to be made in all areas, select 1, maximum 2 main ones that need to be worked on intensively. Either put the rest aside or decide a little bit at a time.
Alena, Samara
